I find it quite enchanting that the American landscape is currently teeming with coyotes. Their chilling howls and raucous giggles, are a fantastic antidote to the relentless pursuit of paving and taming North America.
Although this fantastic four legged creature is not unique to Alaska, suburban coyote traplines probably are. I speak of the wayward officer portrayed in the infamous "AK state troopers". It appears he feels he has performed a great public service by placing (what I assume) are leg hold traps in residential neighborhoods---to trap these horrific pests. And what "crime" has the graceful coyote committed ?? Apparently it is his love of feasting on fat house cat. (not to mention the nice sum his pelt is worth)
Yes, yes it's true--my husband himself saw a coyote happily prancing across the road with a large house cat in its jowls. I know of neighbors who have lost a cat, and spoken to others who have also witnessed the joyous bounce of a coyote skipping off with a cat snack....(mmm, like a nice sugary doughnut! filled with junky cat food!)
Honestly folks, I am no cat hater. Even have a pet cat. But why in the world would a so-called cat lover complain that a coyote took their cat? It is incomprehensible to me. Did the coyote break down the door, enter the living room and steal poor kitty right from her scratching post?? I think not. Is this something like the old Road Runner show, where the coyote is ordering all sorts of contraptions from the Acme co. in order to cause cat chaos?? Please people--If you want your cat to be outdoors, then accept what outdoors means--disease, cars, dogs, mean kids and yes, coyotes. And if you don't like those risks--then keep you cat inside, trap those automobiles and leave my wild canine friend alone!
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Reverse Santa
I may just offend someone here..... But folks I know (and see all around me in Southcentral Alaska) are drowning. Not in water, snow or cash, but in their own stuff.
Yes, yes you might want to remind me about the "economy"--but trouble is, that in America, people still somehow manage to get their hands on vast piles of good old fashioned stuff, goods, doo-dads, gadgets and widgets. It can't hurt that the local stores have clearance racks filled with brand new $3 or $4 clothing items--less than a cheeseburger for crying out loud!!
Take the donation bins in Alaska. They all say "clothes only", but people are so desperate to dump their "stuff", that there has been a huge problem with people leaving used coffee pots, toys, couches, and bags and bags of clothes in front of, on top of and for miles around these bins. It has actually become a criminal matter.
And not only in Alaska. I have tried to bring items to a Goodwill in Kingston, NY (not exactly Beverly Hills) and they totally freaked out that they have "too much stuff" already.
So what gives?? Or how about not gives?? Exactly my idea!
Let's do reverse Santa. Any house that wants items removed, could put up a little flag (like in the quaint old days for mail) and Santa Claus would come with his EXTRA big sled and just haul it all away.
Probably will need some extra flying reindeer, but I'm sure that can be arranged. Then he brings all this American stuff up to the North Pole. Vast amounts of elves would sort through the lawn furniture, televisions, DVD's, and cheap jeans. They could have polar recycling facilities powered by the Northern Lights. Maybe these items could become a new renewable fuel source? Of course some could be relocated. But I am afraid so many third world countries need food and shelter, that they really wouldn't have a use for exercise equipment and particle board coffee tables. But maybe Santa could figure it out, He is Santa after all.
Yes, yes you might want to remind me about the "economy"--but trouble is, that in America, people still somehow manage to get their hands on vast piles of good old fashioned stuff, goods, doo-dads, gadgets and widgets. It can't hurt that the local stores have clearance racks filled with brand new $3 or $4 clothing items--less than a cheeseburger for crying out loud!!
Take the donation bins in Alaska. They all say "clothes only", but people are so desperate to dump their "stuff", that there has been a huge problem with people leaving used coffee pots, toys, couches, and bags and bags of clothes in front of, on top of and for miles around these bins. It has actually become a criminal matter.
And not only in Alaska. I have tried to bring items to a Goodwill in Kingston, NY (not exactly Beverly Hills) and they totally freaked out that they have "too much stuff" already.
So what gives?? Or how about not gives?? Exactly my idea!
Let's do reverse Santa. Any house that wants items removed, could put up a little flag (like in the quaint old days for mail) and Santa Claus would come with his EXTRA big sled and just haul it all away.
Probably will need some extra flying reindeer, but I'm sure that can be arranged. Then he brings all this American stuff up to the North Pole. Vast amounts of elves would sort through the lawn furniture, televisions, DVD's, and cheap jeans. They could have polar recycling facilities powered by the Northern Lights. Maybe these items could become a new renewable fuel source? Of course some could be relocated. But I am afraid so many third world countries need food and shelter, that they really wouldn't have a use for exercise equipment and particle board coffee tables. But maybe Santa could figure it out, He is Santa after all.
Friday, November 29, 2013
You Can't Have it Both Ways Gobble Gobble
I see a turkey gobbling away. This one has no feathers-- but does walk on two feet. Perhaps I speak of the ridiculous human?
Why oh why do they love to decry: "the culture of materialism, the shopping, the black Friday?'
Don't blame Best Buy or Macy's for crying out loud!--blame the so called 'economists.' (Those nerds who smugly sit by and pull the puppet strings of capitalism.)
Nobody bats an eye when the Wall Street Journal goes on and on about the glory of "consumer spending" and oh how will it "strengthen our economy". Nobody notices at all..in fact this is all they can come up with for a global model you know.
"Germans need to spend more and stop exporting, Japan needs to spend more...blah, blah...."
Yet no economist EVER talks about the typical middle class home stuffed to the gills with crappy Dora the Explorer bedspreads, PlayStation games, particle board coffee tables, and giant jars of mayonnaise. Everyone is miserable as they drown in their piles of stuff, all the while trying to figure out why they need to work so hard "just to get ahead".....
The economists say this is all glorious, because we are creating even more eager little consumers in Asia (as we buy piles and piles of their cheap clothes). So they in turn can consume what interests them: like elephant ivory for crying out loud!!
I have heard that turkeys are such silly creatures that they turn their heads up at the rain--causing them to drown. When will we learn that humans may just drown in their own silliness ???
Why oh why do they love to decry: "the culture of materialism, the shopping, the black Friday?'
Don't blame Best Buy or Macy's for crying out loud!--blame the so called 'economists.' (Those nerds who smugly sit by and pull the puppet strings of capitalism.)
Nobody bats an eye when the Wall Street Journal goes on and on about the glory of "consumer spending" and oh how will it "strengthen our economy". Nobody notices at all..in fact this is all they can come up with for a global model you know.
"Germans need to spend more and stop exporting, Japan needs to spend more...blah, blah...."
Yet no economist EVER talks about the typical middle class home stuffed to the gills with crappy Dora the Explorer bedspreads, PlayStation games, particle board coffee tables, and giant jars of mayonnaise. Everyone is miserable as they drown in their piles of stuff, all the while trying to figure out why they need to work so hard "just to get ahead".....
The economists say this is all glorious, because we are creating even more eager little consumers in Asia (as we buy piles and piles of their cheap clothes). So they in turn can consume what interests them: like elephant ivory for crying out loud!!
I have heard that turkeys are such silly creatures that they turn their heads up at the rain--causing them to drown. When will we learn that humans may just drown in their own silliness ???
Monday, November 18, 2013
Over that Guilt
Not too long ago I was struck by a pang of guilt for enjoying some global warming here in Alaska. Well the snowy state decided that wouldn't do, and returned back to it's standard habit of blasting me with relentless arctic air..
I always forget that one of the most annoying things about -10F is the bizarre dryness. My hair gets this wacky texture, not to mention the way it stands on end from the static electricity. Static which increases to a ridiculous amount due to the wool socks one is required to wear in this weather. There is also that peculiar way your nostrils freeze shut as you run out to plug the car in at night.
But I am choosing to embrace the dessert dryness for now, using it as a good reason to launder those awkward items-- pillow shams and a slip cover for the couch. Simply lay out to dry and voila! It's almost freaky to watch the moisture disappear.....Now only if some of it would land on my crazy hair.
I always forget that one of the most annoying things about -10F is the bizarre dryness. My hair gets this wacky texture, not to mention the way it stands on end from the static electricity. Static which increases to a ridiculous amount due to the wool socks one is required to wear in this weather. There is also that peculiar way your nostrils freeze shut as you run out to plug the car in at night.
But I am choosing to embrace the dessert dryness for now, using it as a good reason to launder those awkward items-- pillow shams and a slip cover for the couch. Simply lay out to dry and voila! It's almost freaky to watch the moisture disappear.....Now only if some of it would land on my crazy hair.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Exotic Grand Rapids
I know we are becoming "bushy". The kind of people who reside in the Alaskan backcountry and who show up (without irony) to the grand opening of the new Walgreens in town...
But it is also affecting the child. On a recent school assignment, he was asked to explain "what makes him special"...Should I have even been surprised when he wrote: "because I have been to Macaroni Grill, seen a real deer, and been to Europe." (in that order)
Not the fact that he sees moose and bears all the time, or has walked on glaciers.
No, to him the lower 48 is as exotic as any European vacation.
And unfortunately it is true. Last summer, we spent a few days in the locale of Grand Rapids Michigan. And to us backwoods Alaskans it was fascinating.
We experienced the wonders of dark summer nights (and lightning bugs!). Grocery stores filled with different brands of milk, pizzas and cakes. And outdoor swimming pools. Not to mention a few of those white tailed deer and of course--Macaroni Grill.
We were exasperated at all the wonders...Which is why of course my son is special--he has seen a deer after all...
But it is also affecting the child. On a recent school assignment, he was asked to explain "what makes him special"...Should I have even been surprised when he wrote: "because I have been to Macaroni Grill, seen a real deer, and been to Europe." (in that order)
Not the fact that he sees moose and bears all the time, or has walked on glaciers.
No, to him the lower 48 is as exotic as any European vacation.
And unfortunately it is true. Last summer, we spent a few days in the locale of Grand Rapids Michigan. And to us backwoods Alaskans it was fascinating.
We experienced the wonders of dark summer nights (and lightning bugs!). Grocery stores filled with different brands of milk, pizzas and cakes. And outdoor swimming pools. Not to mention a few of those white tailed deer and of course--Macaroni Grill.
We were exasperated at all the wonders...Which is why of course my son is special--he has seen a deer after all...
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Dancing on Our Own Graves
Yes, yes-- I am just as guilty as the rest of them. By 'them' I mean all the happy Alaskans. As you see, we are once again in a record breaking warm spell. I actually witnessed the afternoon temperature hit a toasty 51 degrees today--with full sunshine to boot!
People are out jogging, skipping, strolling...partaking in lower 48 "fall-like" activities. Not helplessly slogging through the snow, as is normal for Halloween time in Southcentral AK.
You can't escape all the cheerful banter around you either--as folks keep on talking, commenting or just orgasmicly smiling about the weather..
The cat is out of the bag : Alaskans love them some Global warming!
So as a so called "liberal", am I supposed to not enjoy it? Feel guilt instead of insane pleasure at the mere thought of not having to wear my winter boots?
I'll save that thought for another day, for right now I feel the need to just revel in the moment ..
People are out jogging, skipping, strolling...partaking in lower 48 "fall-like" activities. Not helplessly slogging through the snow, as is normal for Halloween time in Southcentral AK.
You can't escape all the cheerful banter around you either--as folks keep on talking, commenting or just orgasmicly smiling about the weather..
The cat is out of the bag : Alaskans love them some Global warming!
So as a so called "liberal", am I supposed to not enjoy it? Feel guilt instead of insane pleasure at the mere thought of not having to wear my winter boots?
I'll save that thought for another day, for right now I feel the need to just revel in the moment ..
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
The Tradition of the Sauna
For quite some time now, I have been well aware of the Finnish/Baltic/Russian traditional sauna. In other words---a sacred steam bath, historically revered in Northern European countries.
Up until now, I had not thought too much about it--maybe just a passing idea, that worshipping a steamy cabin filled with naked family members was a bit quirky, at best.
But after these many cold and unforgiving Alaskan winters--- I finally get it!
Why would so called 'stoic' Northerners have an almost obsessive relationship with a silly steam bath??
At some time, I was led to believe it was all about bathing. But now that I am older, colder and wiser---I feel that is complete hogwash. Let's consider that maybe these strong, hearty relatives of the Vikings were simply freezing to death ?! I can attest that living in a Northern land, with nothing but winter cold and darkness, leads one to maniacally worship warmth.
We do know the traditional European sauna was historically utilized for enjoyable gatherings and all sorts of ritualistic purposes...
But maybe all the hoopla was never about hygiene after all??...But in fact a perpetual excuse to get back into the sauna and warm up cold Nordic butt ?!!
The terms "hot water vapor" and "spirit" are interchangeable in many of these Northern European languages. And why not?? If a room filled with steamy, warm mist is the only thing that makes life bearable--- better worship it!
Up until now, I had not thought too much about it--maybe just a passing idea, that worshipping a steamy cabin filled with naked family members was a bit quirky, at best.
But after these many cold and unforgiving Alaskan winters--- I finally get it!
Why would so called 'stoic' Northerners have an almost obsessive relationship with a silly steam bath??
At some time, I was led to believe it was all about bathing. But now that I am older, colder and wiser---I feel that is complete hogwash. Let's consider that maybe these strong, hearty relatives of the Vikings were simply freezing to death ?! I can attest that living in a Northern land, with nothing but winter cold and darkness, leads one to maniacally worship warmth.
We do know the traditional European sauna was historically utilized for enjoyable gatherings and all sorts of ritualistic purposes...
But maybe all the hoopla was never about hygiene after all??...But in fact a perpetual excuse to get back into the sauna and warm up cold Nordic butt ?!!
The terms "hot water vapor" and "spirit" are interchangeable in many of these Northern European languages. And why not?? If a room filled with steamy, warm mist is the only thing that makes life bearable--- better worship it!
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Admit You are a Wolf
Listening to public radio this morning, I happened to hear a wise Native woman discussing human prejudices against the royal canis lupus--more commonly known as the wolf. That big, bad wolf-- nemesis of forest dwelling people, ranchers and grandma throughout history. One of the theories presented for this stretch of hatred, was that wolves remind humans of their own worse qualities...
Of course they do!!! Everyone knows that wolves are obsessed with pack behavior--while humans conveniently overlook their own obsessions with discrimination, tribalism, rotary clubs and cliques!! And what about bullying? Wolves would love cyberbullying if only they had access to iphones! Imagine the poor omega wolf getting all those facebook posts: "go away stinky omega, find your own pack... loser....!"
Wolves also tend to hunt in groups and have been observed attacking neighboring wolf packs to obtain their territory (my goodness!) Ever hear of war? A game us "evolved" humans happen to engage in on a regular basis...?
The way I see it, there is no shame in being just like the wolves. Because for every brutal quality they may exhibit--there is also incredible tenderness. Like their efficient system of raising pups as a family pack (must have read Hillary C's 'Takes a Village'...) "Aunt" and "Uncle" wolves willingly babysit, while the alpha wolves go off to explore and hunt. And nobody questions their intelligence or playfulness. Probably should also admire their loyalty--howling to one another in order to locate fellow pack members, then joyfully greeting each other upon return!
Maybe the "wolf mirror" doesn't only reflect what we don't want to see, but also the qualities we think we could use more of?
Of course they do!!! Everyone knows that wolves are obsessed with pack behavior--while humans conveniently overlook their own obsessions with discrimination, tribalism, rotary clubs and cliques!! And what about bullying? Wolves would love cyberbullying if only they had access to iphones! Imagine the poor omega wolf getting all those facebook posts: "go away stinky omega, find your own pack... loser....!"
Wolves also tend to hunt in groups and have been observed attacking neighboring wolf packs to obtain their territory (my goodness!) Ever hear of war? A game us "evolved" humans happen to engage in on a regular basis...?
The way I see it, there is no shame in being just like the wolves. Because for every brutal quality they may exhibit--there is also incredible tenderness. Like their efficient system of raising pups as a family pack (must have read Hillary C's 'Takes a Village'...) "Aunt" and "Uncle" wolves willingly babysit, while the alpha wolves go off to explore and hunt. And nobody questions their intelligence or playfulness. Probably should also admire their loyalty--howling to one another in order to locate fellow pack members, then joyfully greeting each other upon return!
Maybe the "wolf mirror" doesn't only reflect what we don't want to see, but also the qualities we think we could use more of?
Monday, September 23, 2013
New Allergy: Northernus Terribulus
So I woke up with a terrible allergic reaction--sneezing, coughing, runny nose. Running the potential allergen checklist off in my head (pollen, cats, and avocado) I deduced none of these substances could possibly be in my bedroom.
Sneezing away, I had the unfortunate urge to open up the bedroom curtains. And to my horror--came face to face with my new September allergen: SNOW!
White, fluffy snow. And no matter what they say on the radio about it "not accumulating" those newscasters are full of crap. It is totally accumulating in my yard. On the trees, cars, deck--all looks like a freakin Christmas card...
I wonder why all those people with their "think snow" bumper stickers don't move on up to Alaska and see for themselves what 9 months of snow feels like??!! We had three snow free months in my back yard this year--June, July and August. And the frozen white stuff still sat up in the high peaks and mocked me throughout one of the warmest summers in Alaskan history! And thank goodness for that record breaking summer heat, because otherwise I just may have packed up and left my poor family behind....
ps-- I am in no way denying climate change at all--as I completely understand this is the change we get--increased cold precipitation soaking our soggy northern selves! arghhhh!
.
Sneezing away, I had the unfortunate urge to open up the bedroom curtains. And to my horror--came face to face with my new September allergen: SNOW!
White, fluffy snow. And no matter what they say on the radio about it "not accumulating" those newscasters are full of crap. It is totally accumulating in my yard. On the trees, cars, deck--all looks like a freakin Christmas card...
I wonder why all those people with their "think snow" bumper stickers don't move on up to Alaska and see for themselves what 9 months of snow feels like??!! We had three snow free months in my back yard this year--June, July and August. And the frozen white stuff still sat up in the high peaks and mocked me throughout one of the warmest summers in Alaskan history! And thank goodness for that record breaking summer heat, because otherwise I just may have packed up and left my poor family behind....
ps-- I am in no way denying climate change at all--as I completely understand this is the change we get--increased cold precipitation soaking our soggy northern selves! arghhhh!
.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Attention Tooth Fairy
Time magazine recently wrote a little piece about how much cash the honorable Tooth Fairy deposits under children's pillows. I was shocked to read that on average it has increased to about $3.70 per tooth !!
Upon delving deeper into this issue, it was explained that in some households kids really hit the jackpot--and as to be expected--these same children just happen to live in the wealthiest homes.
But what was really surprising about the Tooth Fairy's income distribution system, was that she also favors the molars of low educated and/or low income households, leaving these kids large cash deposits as well. It is assumed that in these homes, the Tooth Fairy wants the children to feel they are "keeping up" with their classmates financially. Meanwhile, highly educated households receive the least--about one buck per tooth. (Which made me feel better--as now I understand her 'logic' for leaving that piddly amount for our precious son).
It seems the poor Tooth Fairy has single handedly decided to close the income gap in this country, one baby tooth at a time. Now that we have discovered her quasi-socialist agenda, maybe it's time to call her out on this and agree on one reasonable amount for all kids?
Upon delving deeper into this issue, it was explained that in some households kids really hit the jackpot--and as to be expected--these same children just happen to live in the wealthiest homes.
But what was really surprising about the Tooth Fairy's income distribution system, was that she also favors the molars of low educated and/or low income households, leaving these kids large cash deposits as well. It is assumed that in these homes, the Tooth Fairy wants the children to feel they are "keeping up" with their classmates financially. Meanwhile, highly educated households receive the least--about one buck per tooth. (Which made me feel better--as now I understand her 'logic' for leaving that piddly amount for our precious son).
It seems the poor Tooth Fairy has single handedly decided to close the income gap in this country, one baby tooth at a time. Now that we have discovered her quasi-socialist agenda, maybe it's time to call her out on this and agree on one reasonable amount for all kids?
Monday, September 9, 2013
The Drone Dudes
Finally (!) I have found a right-wing extremist cause that makes sense to me. The crazy drone hunters. Basically the good folk out west are preparing to "hunt" them drones as they are released into the sky above...
Sure, their reasoning stems from the whole paranoid police state thing---which only overshadows the real issue: drones will be a complete and total menace to public safety.
One of the celebrated benefits of our drone filled future is that they will deliver pizza's right to your home! Imagine that, parachuting pizzas falling from the sky, ejected from a heavy remote controlled object-- operated by your local pizza delivery guy. What could go wrong? (And just think --they are talking about legalizing pot at about the same time)
Say goodbye to peaceful sunsets and bird watching, as your view and tranquility will be forever replaced by annoying flying contraptions. Not to mention the inevitable drone crashes, equipment failures, loose parts, bird collisions and all the other crazy things that will soon be falling from the sky.
Is anyone even paying attention to how many small aircraft crash on any given week? Now imagine those same events, in urban neighborhoods, but at lower altitudes with increased frequency!
As much as I am all for increased pizza consumption, I refuse to accept a society filled with dangerous robotic eyesores contributing to the national brain injury epidemic. For crying out loud, leave the remote controlled toys on the ground!
Sure, their reasoning stems from the whole paranoid police state thing---which only overshadows the real issue: drones will be a complete and total menace to public safety.
One of the celebrated benefits of our drone filled future is that they will deliver pizza's right to your home! Imagine that, parachuting pizzas falling from the sky, ejected from a heavy remote controlled object-- operated by your local pizza delivery guy. What could go wrong? (And just think --they are talking about legalizing pot at about the same time)
Say goodbye to peaceful sunsets and bird watching, as your view and tranquility will be forever replaced by annoying flying contraptions. Not to mention the inevitable drone crashes, equipment failures, loose parts, bird collisions and all the other crazy things that will soon be falling from the sky.
Is anyone even paying attention to how many small aircraft crash on any given week? Now imagine those same events, in urban neighborhoods, but at lower altitudes with increased frequency!
As much as I am all for increased pizza consumption, I refuse to accept a society filled with dangerous robotic eyesores contributing to the national brain injury epidemic. For crying out loud, leave the remote controlled toys on the ground!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Modern Day Gladiators in Tight Pants
I am most certainly not the first person to recognize that the NFL is simply a group of modern day Gladiators (nor the last). Yet I do feel compelled to comment on it...
Somehow we think that as 'modern Americans' we are less barbaric than the ancient Romans because we pay our gladiators great sums of money, don't kill them on the spot and dress them up in feminine nylon pants.
While the football stars frolic in their tight pants, the crowd revels in watching their multiple head injuries. Carrying players off the field with a concussion is all part of the great fun!! I for one, was not at all surprised to see that former players with advanced dementia are now suing the NFL. To me it makes sense--dementia is a long and terrible battle. How is enjoying a concussion filled sport more "civilized" than maiming gladiators via lion in the Roman times? Just cheer and drink your beer.
Somehow we think that as 'modern Americans' we are less barbaric than the ancient Romans because we pay our gladiators great sums of money, don't kill them on the spot and dress them up in feminine nylon pants.
While the football stars frolic in their tight pants, the crowd revels in watching their multiple head injuries. Carrying players off the field with a concussion is all part of the great fun!! I for one, was not at all surprised to see that former players with advanced dementia are now suing the NFL. To me it makes sense--dementia is a long and terrible battle. How is enjoying a concussion filled sport more "civilized" than maiming gladiators via lion in the Roman times? Just cheer and drink your beer.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
My Apologies to the Store Associate
I suffer from a (let's call it) moderate case of germaphobia. Unlike most folks who fear being left alone in the Alaskan wilderness without bear spray or some sort of rifle, I fear abandonment sans hand sanitizer !
Nevertheless, I ventured forth to the local grocery store this morning. Hoping to avoid the germy cart, I decided to simply carry my meager items through the store aisles. As I was walking towards the toilet paper section (all the while balancing an assortment of containers in my arms) I became temporarily distracted by the disinfectant display. There amongst the cans and sprays was a sign proclaiming: "look what's new!" It was lemon scented Lysol. This was quite a treat for germaphobic me--as my husband and I had long ago given up on the unbearable scents offered by Lysol, as they often evoked "perfume of cheap whore".
Maybe fake lemon scent would be better??? This got me quite excited. However, as I carefully reached for a can, my precariously held items toppled over, causing the glass container of Santa Cruz lemonade to shatter all over the aisle....Foiled.
Being a guilt filled liberal, I immediately located the nearest store associate and confessed by mess. She was quite nice about it, but did notice the ridiculous pile of groceries and toilet paper I held in my arms, causing her to ask: "don't you need a cart?"
Nevertheless, I ventured forth to the local grocery store this morning. Hoping to avoid the germy cart, I decided to simply carry my meager items through the store aisles. As I was walking towards the toilet paper section (all the while balancing an assortment of containers in my arms) I became temporarily distracted by the disinfectant display. There amongst the cans and sprays was a sign proclaiming: "look what's new!" It was lemon scented Lysol. This was quite a treat for germaphobic me--as my husband and I had long ago given up on the unbearable scents offered by Lysol, as they often evoked "perfume of cheap whore".
Maybe fake lemon scent would be better??? This got me quite excited. However, as I carefully reached for a can, my precariously held items toppled over, causing the glass container of Santa Cruz lemonade to shatter all over the aisle....Foiled.
Being a guilt filled liberal, I immediately located the nearest store associate and confessed by mess. She was quite nice about it, but did notice the ridiculous pile of groceries and toilet paper I held in my arms, causing her to ask: "don't you need a cart?"
Sunday, August 18, 2013
The Facebook Bummer Study
So yet another study has been published as to how Facebook users actually feel worse about themselves after utilizing Facebook. My response to this?--(as my brother used to say) "no shit Sherlock".
Honestly, I don't know that much about Facebook, as I am a conscientious objector to this particular social medium. But what I do know (from the pages I have seen) is that there are really only two ways to approach it.
A) Facebook posters are narcissists. Why do you really want other people to see all your party pictures, baby postings or what have you? It's one thing to send Aunt Jane a pic of little Jimmy catching a fish--but would anyone feel comfortable going on a stage (with say 200 onlookers) and presenting an "all about me" slide show? But isn't this in effect what everyone does on Facebook?? (disclaimer here: I'll admit that as a writer I have my own fair share of narcissistic urges :)
B) Facebook users are voyeuristic... I mean why else would you even go to someone's page and sort through all that nonsense? Maybe the hope is to see that your life is somewhat better than said Facebook poster. But in the end what happens is, you watch someone else's phony 'narcissism presentation' and just feel worse. Thus the bizarre cycle continues...as now you must create an even better narcissistic presentation.....
Honestly, I don't know that much about Facebook, as I am a conscientious objector to this particular social medium. But what I do know (from the pages I have seen) is that there are really only two ways to approach it.
A) Facebook posters are narcissists. Why do you really want other people to see all your party pictures, baby postings or what have you? It's one thing to send Aunt Jane a pic of little Jimmy catching a fish--but would anyone feel comfortable going on a stage (with say 200 onlookers) and presenting an "all about me" slide show? But isn't this in effect what everyone does on Facebook?? (disclaimer here: I'll admit that as a writer I have my own fair share of narcissistic urges :)
B) Facebook users are voyeuristic... I mean why else would you even go to someone's page and sort through all that nonsense? Maybe the hope is to see that your life is somewhat better than said Facebook poster. But in the end what happens is, you watch someone else's phony 'narcissism presentation' and just feel worse. Thus the bizarre cycle continues...as now you must create an even better narcissistic presentation.....
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Why I Don't Understand Your Economy
Let's pretend for a moment here that I am a space alien , happily residing in outer space. My version of reality TV would be watching the USA through my super amazing alien telescope.....!
So what I see down there is quasi-excitement about the US economic recovery. No, no--- I don't care about the debate if the economy is recovering or not--my alien brain is confused about what humans feel are good signs of how... (!)
Let's take the optimistic August 12th Time Magazine article about the 'wonderful' indicators of economic growth (!?) The first indicator of recovery the author mentions: "Housing come back!" So I'll paraphrase here: "Finally new houses are being built again and we can expect more and more as the census bureau predicts US population growth to increase 8% in the next decade!! yippee!"
Ok you weirdos.
Alien here says---where are you going to shove all these new and glorious beige subdivisions?? 8% increase over 10 years means that in the next hundred years, the USA would have to give up millions of acres of forests, green space, farm land, wet lands...you get the picture.... at an unprecedented pace. Not to mention the box stores and rows of Sam's Clubs, Old navy and Sports Authority that is "necessary" to sustain said beige subdivisions...
Then take 'optimistic economic indicator' number two. What the Time article author claims is the awesome sleeping giant: "consumer spending". 70% of the US economy comes from spending. Have not any of you humans read about how all this spending (i.e. clutter) makes folks miserable, depressed?? Notice how landfills and Goodwill drop off centers are filled to the brim? Ever watch the movie Wall-E? (an alien favorite!) So many middle class Americans are already suffering from Costco exhaustion--patio furniture they never use, over sized closets brimming with badly sewn clothing, play rooms filled with plastic toys and storage units galore....And this is something to strive for? Push it upon the whole earth? All in the name of 'economy' ?
I won't even go into the short sighted delights of oozing with glee over new found sources of oil and natural gas...to feed the economic beast of course!
In alien world, this sort of economy would be considered laughable and unsustainable. Unless you silly humans are planning on conquering new planets fairly soon, say goodbye to your earth's green areas, farm land, wildlife, plentiful water and open spaces. An economy that is overly-dependent on population growth is nothing more than a short-sighted pyramid scheme.
So what I see down there is quasi-excitement about the US economic recovery. No, no--- I don't care about the debate if the economy is recovering or not--my alien brain is confused about what humans feel are good signs of how... (!)
Let's take the optimistic August 12th Time Magazine article about the 'wonderful' indicators of economic growth (!?) The first indicator of recovery the author mentions: "Housing come back!" So I'll paraphrase here: "Finally new houses are being built again and we can expect more and more as the census bureau predicts US population growth to increase 8% in the next decade!! yippee!"
Ok you weirdos.
Alien here says---where are you going to shove all these new and glorious beige subdivisions?? 8% increase over 10 years means that in the next hundred years, the USA would have to give up millions of acres of forests, green space, farm land, wet lands...you get the picture.... at an unprecedented pace. Not to mention the box stores and rows of Sam's Clubs, Old navy and Sports Authority that is "necessary" to sustain said beige subdivisions...
Then take 'optimistic economic indicator' number two. What the Time article author claims is the awesome sleeping giant: "consumer spending". 70% of the US economy comes from spending. Have not any of you humans read about how all this spending (i.e. clutter) makes folks miserable, depressed?? Notice how landfills and Goodwill drop off centers are filled to the brim? Ever watch the movie Wall-E? (an alien favorite!) So many middle class Americans are already suffering from Costco exhaustion--patio furniture they never use, over sized closets brimming with badly sewn clothing, play rooms filled with plastic toys and storage units galore....And this is something to strive for? Push it upon the whole earth? All in the name of 'economy' ?
I won't even go into the short sighted delights of oozing with glee over new found sources of oil and natural gas...to feed the economic beast of course!
In alien world, this sort of economy would be considered laughable and unsustainable. Unless you silly humans are planning on conquering new planets fairly soon, say goodbye to your earth's green areas, farm land, wildlife, plentiful water and open spaces. An economy that is overly-dependent on population growth is nothing more than a short-sighted pyramid scheme.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
The Amazing Alaska Burger King
About 10 years ago, there was once a Burger King in downtown Palmer, Alaska. I remember it well, as we once drove up to their take out window and ordered a milk shake. The response I got (and I quote) was:
"Sorry folks ---no more milkshakes. We don't have an ice cream machine, the Wasilla Burger King stoled it" (stoled is the common Alaska form for the word stole)....
Either way, I'm no fan of the Wasilla Burger King ever since spotting patrons nonchalantly twirling hand guns in the parking lot...But they do have an ice cream machine! Nevertheless, the abused Palmer Burger King soon shut down and was replaced by a Dairy Queen.
One or two Burger Kings still exist in Anchorage though, and we recently made the attempt to venture inside one.
It seemed normal enough upon entry---cashiers, tables, burger smell. But the illusion soon diminished upon ordering. My son requested chicken tenders and fries with ketchup---easy enough. "Sorry, no ketchup available" we were told. No ketchup? Ok....
I proceeded to order a whopper junior. "Sorry--the grill is down--no burgers today."
Hmm, quite puzzling, our choices were now rather diminished. Yet the icing on the cake (for my son) was when they thought he would accept a kids meal with no ice cream -- (sorry---machine broken!) At which point the poor child begged me to get out of there as fast as possible....
So all in all, as a jaded Alaskan, I was pretty impressed at the above average Alaskan incompetency factor for this establishment. Hard to do--so hats off to them!
"Sorry folks ---no more milkshakes. We don't have an ice cream machine, the Wasilla Burger King stoled it" (stoled is the common Alaska form for the word stole)....
Either way, I'm no fan of the Wasilla Burger King ever since spotting patrons nonchalantly twirling hand guns in the parking lot...But they do have an ice cream machine! Nevertheless, the abused Palmer Burger King soon shut down and was replaced by a Dairy Queen.
One or two Burger Kings still exist in Anchorage though, and we recently made the attempt to venture inside one.
It seemed normal enough upon entry---cashiers, tables, burger smell. But the illusion soon diminished upon ordering. My son requested chicken tenders and fries with ketchup---easy enough. "Sorry, no ketchup available" we were told. No ketchup? Ok....
I proceeded to order a whopper junior. "Sorry--the grill is down--no burgers today."
Hmm, quite puzzling, our choices were now rather diminished. Yet the icing on the cake (for my son) was when they thought he would accept a kids meal with no ice cream -- (sorry---machine broken!) At which point the poor child begged me to get out of there as fast as possible....
So all in all, as a jaded Alaskan, I was pretty impressed at the above average Alaskan incompetency factor for this establishment. Hard to do--so hats off to them!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Packing Heat on the Quint Family Hike
Before moving to Alaska, I spent quite a bit of time in the Catskill mountains of New York State. Just a few hours north of New York City, anyone can easily find themselves smack in the middle of black bear country. Car loads of hipsters, kids and assorted urbanites stumble upon these bears quite regularly. And you know what happens then? Absolutely nothing.
After the hipsters take their pictures, the disinterested bear continues on its merry way to the garbage dumpster. Even the local children's camp I once frequented, tolerates black bears as weekly visitors-- without much hoopla, fear or any type of arsenal.
Now forward to Alaska. They say everything is bigger, scarier and wilder out here. But the black bears I've seen (and in 11 years that's a lot)---look about the same as those in NY. The most obvious difference is their disinterest (i.e. conditioning) to hang out at the local garbage dumpsters. Yet, some people totally fear the Alaskan black bear. Either it is a case of mistaken identity--having no clue that they are not the larger, rarer, aggressive Grizzlies.. Or maybe all that dumpster diving back east makes bears happier???
Whatever it is, fear of bears produces a peeve of mine:...the Alaskan family visibly packing all sorts of hand guns, rifles and what have you on a short hike (no, not a hunting trip). Stumbling upon "gun family" on the trail is so much more unnerving to me than any type of encounter with a bear.
Are they trigger happy? Why couldn't they just pack bear spray instead ?( recommended to be more effective anyway). What are these people really up to? Not to mention the knee jerk reaction to shoot at whatever large thing may be wiggling in the bushes.
I'm sure one could easily defend the "packing heat" family as simply good folks that do understand the behaviors of an angry Grizzly bear (and I'm not down playing the Grizzly here--- they do wreck havoc every year on the Alaskan trails).
But the truth of the matter is, if you are not comfortable with your "bear aware" training (and a good can of bear spray)--why are you bringing your family to that particular park or trail in the first place?
If there was some urban neighborhood that I felt was so scary that I needed to pack two visible handguns just for a stroll ---would I even go??
Sharing the trails and parks with the Alaskan wilderness is a blessing for all of us. The bears do not invite us into our home, we just go anyway. But uninvited guests don't necessarily have the right to kill the occupants who are just "standing their ground" or minding their own business.
After the hipsters take their pictures, the disinterested bear continues on its merry way to the garbage dumpster. Even the local children's camp I once frequented, tolerates black bears as weekly visitors-- without much hoopla, fear or any type of arsenal.
Now forward to Alaska. They say everything is bigger, scarier and wilder out here. But the black bears I've seen (and in 11 years that's a lot)---look about the same as those in NY. The most obvious difference is their disinterest (i.e. conditioning) to hang out at the local garbage dumpsters. Yet, some people totally fear the Alaskan black bear. Either it is a case of mistaken identity--having no clue that they are not the larger, rarer, aggressive Grizzlies.. Or maybe all that dumpster diving back east makes bears happier???
Whatever it is, fear of bears produces a peeve of mine:...the Alaskan family visibly packing all sorts of hand guns, rifles and what have you on a short hike (no, not a hunting trip). Stumbling upon "gun family" on the trail is so much more unnerving to me than any type of encounter with a bear.
Are they trigger happy? Why couldn't they just pack bear spray instead ?( recommended to be more effective anyway). What are these people really up to? Not to mention the knee jerk reaction to shoot at whatever large thing may be wiggling in the bushes.
I'm sure one could easily defend the "packing heat" family as simply good folks that do understand the behaviors of an angry Grizzly bear (and I'm not down playing the Grizzly here--- they do wreck havoc every year on the Alaskan trails).
But the truth of the matter is, if you are not comfortable with your "bear aware" training (and a good can of bear spray)--why are you bringing your family to that particular park or trail in the first place?
If there was some urban neighborhood that I felt was so scary that I needed to pack two visible handguns just for a stroll ---would I even go??
Sharing the trails and parks with the Alaskan wilderness is a blessing for all of us. The bears do not invite us into our home, we just go anyway. But uninvited guests don't necessarily have the right to kill the occupants who are just "standing their ground" or minding their own business.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Fox News has Blue State Envy
Now that the weather has returned back to a "typical" Alaskan summer--(i.e. cloudy and gloomy, with a touch of cold) I again entertain fantasies of warmer climate lifestyles. Trouble is -- the cities that seem somewhat feasible for us (career and climate wise) have the most utterly ridiculous housing prices! Folks may say Alaska is expensive, but I say pooh to that! Land is freakishly affordable--(maybe because they actually have it??)
Ever checked housing prices in San Fran, New York City or Washington DC? Yikes! Most of California is actually that way--average middle class incomes and the craziest housing market ever!
Sometimes I have to wonder about those Californians living in $500,000 shacks-- do they even realize that in some parts of the midwest they could own a mansion (with staff!) for that price? The weirdest thing is, that incomes don't fluctuate much at all from state to state--at least not like housing costs do.
Which leaves me with only one conclusion. As housing prices are influenced by one and only one thing (DEMAND) it must mean that everyone secretly wants to be a liberal! The highest cost of living is always in the bluest of blue states-- liberal meccas. You may say: "well that's just where the jobs are." Hmm... in that case--please tell that to the good folks at Faux news! Maybe instead of spending hours upon hours telling America that the liberals are out to kill jobs, they could simply take their heads out of the sand and see that "liberal markets" are the economic drivers in this country....doh!
Ever checked housing prices in San Fran, New York City or Washington DC? Yikes! Most of California is actually that way--average middle class incomes and the craziest housing market ever!
Sometimes I have to wonder about those Californians living in $500,000 shacks-- do they even realize that in some parts of the midwest they could own a mansion (with staff!) for that price? The weirdest thing is, that incomes don't fluctuate much at all from state to state--at least not like housing costs do.
Which leaves me with only one conclusion. As housing prices are influenced by one and only one thing (DEMAND) it must mean that everyone secretly wants to be a liberal! The highest cost of living is always in the bluest of blue states-- liberal meccas. You may say: "well that's just where the jobs are." Hmm... in that case--please tell that to the good folks at Faux news! Maybe instead of spending hours upon hours telling America that the liberals are out to kill jobs, they could simply take their heads out of the sand and see that "liberal markets" are the economic drivers in this country....doh!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Experiencing Alaska Summer Confusion?
A strange phenomena has fallen upon the land of the midnight sun: endless sunshine and hot, hot temperatures...Especially odd after experiencing one of the longest winters ever! Something akin to being served stale soup for 8 months straight, followed by the largest chocolate cake you have ever seen.
At first the hot weather brought upon the expected Alaskan behavior: mania. Sunshine mania is considered quite normal after a long winter, as long-term Alaskans are thinking: "Ok, I have this one sunny day, before it starts raining again--must fit it all in". So they will paint the deck at 6:00 am, plant their gardens by breakfast, fishing sometime around noon, BBQ at 4:00, followed by some rock climbing before midnight. I really don't think I am exaggerating here.
But them it hits the clueless Alaskan--"wait a second, why isn't this warm weather leaving???" By day 7 or 8 of manic summertime activity, everyone is staring at their sunburn and ransacking their closets looking for summer clothes, hoping some dusty shorts are still in the closet. You realize "why the heck don't I have any summer clothes??" So you run out to Fred Meyer and buy the last flip flops.
Again, I am not joking --the first few days of this heat wave, saw kids at the playground wearing snow boots in 77 degrees, families taking walks with children clad only in diapers, and adults wearing rolled up jeans.
By now we are at week three of this crazy sun and warmth. And a new feeling takes over: pre-vacation regret. Many folks cope with the lousy Alaskan weather by just getting on a plane and leaving. This of course, happens in the summer too--as lately summer means nothing but cold and rain. So logically, everyone has booked their vacations in the lower 48. And so regret sets in: "like why did I do that?? Optimum vitamin D levels have already been achieved right here! What a waste !"
At first the hot weather brought upon the expected Alaskan behavior: mania. Sunshine mania is considered quite normal after a long winter, as long-term Alaskans are thinking: "Ok, I have this one sunny day, before it starts raining again--must fit it all in". So they will paint the deck at 6:00 am, plant their gardens by breakfast, fishing sometime around noon, BBQ at 4:00, followed by some rock climbing before midnight. I really don't think I am exaggerating here.
But them it hits the clueless Alaskan--"wait a second, why isn't this warm weather leaving???" By day 7 or 8 of manic summertime activity, everyone is staring at their sunburn and ransacking their closets looking for summer clothes, hoping some dusty shorts are still in the closet. You realize "why the heck don't I have any summer clothes??" So you run out to Fred Meyer and buy the last flip flops.
Again, I am not joking --the first few days of this heat wave, saw kids at the playground wearing snow boots in 77 degrees, families taking walks with children clad only in diapers, and adults wearing rolled up jeans.
By now we are at week three of this crazy sun and warmth. And a new feeling takes over: pre-vacation regret. Many folks cope with the lousy Alaskan weather by just getting on a plane and leaving. This of course, happens in the summer too--as lately summer means nothing but cold and rain. So logically, everyone has booked their vacations in the lower 48. And so regret sets in: "like why did I do that?? Optimum vitamin D levels have already been achieved right here! What a waste !"
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
232 Days
What does the number 232 days mean ?
Well I'll tell ya (channeling my inner Sarah Palin here)....it is the snow season record for Anchorage, Alaska. Established only a few days ago on May 18th. Almost 8 months long.
232 days from the first time it snowed (and accumulated) last fall, to the last horrible white fluffy flakes a few days back. And is it even the last snow fall of 'the season'? Who knows? Folks are talking-- this could be the year we sail right back into winter. Skip that pesky summer time altogether!
Well I'll tell ya (channeling my inner Sarah Palin here)....it is the snow season record for Anchorage, Alaska. Established only a few days ago on May 18th. Almost 8 months long.
232 days from the first time it snowed (and accumulated) last fall, to the last horrible white fluffy flakes a few days back. And is it even the last snow fall of 'the season'? Who knows? Folks are talking-- this could be the year we sail right back into winter. Skip that pesky summer time altogether!
Monday, May 20, 2013
Which Freedoms is the Government Limiting??
Just saw a little blurb about how the majority of Americans feel their "individual freedoms are being limited by the Federal government"..
I am sure the Faux news folk are slapping each other with glee and jubilation, that their successful campaign of paranoia pushing is working quite well. Even saw a few anti-gun control commentators mention that the "liberals have no idea" what the true agenda of the Obama administration is...
That's right, the liberals are going to wire tap your houses, take away your guns and then....... what?? Canadian health care? Make you eat organic veggies and wear bohemian clothes? What's this so- called creepy global agenda? World Peace and understanding? the horror!
I have yet to see a logical explanation as to what will happen when these so-called rights (like the right to have no health care and be left "splat" on the highway like road-kill) are taken away.
The only time I ever feel people truly give up their rights in the USA is when they voluntarily live in some crazy subdivision that "approves" the color of their house !
I mean what "rights" is the public missing? The right to have unlicensed drunk drivers on the road? The right to smoke cigars in public schools? The right to eat contaminated food? The right to be ripped off? You can still have your hate filled bumper stickers, unlimited internet porn, be a Muslim or a Baptist, have an arsenal full of guns, breed 21 children and then make it into a reality show....
I am sure the Faux news folk are slapping each other with glee and jubilation, that their successful campaign of paranoia pushing is working quite well. Even saw a few anti-gun control commentators mention that the "liberals have no idea" what the true agenda of the Obama administration is...
That's right, the liberals are going to wire tap your houses, take away your guns and then....... what?? Canadian health care? Make you eat organic veggies and wear bohemian clothes? What's this so- called creepy global agenda? World Peace and understanding? the horror!
I have yet to see a logical explanation as to what will happen when these so-called rights (like the right to have no health care and be left "splat" on the highway like road-kill) are taken away.
The only time I ever feel people truly give up their rights in the USA is when they voluntarily live in some crazy subdivision that "approves" the color of their house !
I mean what "rights" is the public missing? The right to have unlicensed drunk drivers on the road? The right to smoke cigars in public schools? The right to eat contaminated food? The right to be ripped off? You can still have your hate filled bumper stickers, unlimited internet porn, be a Muslim or a Baptist, have an arsenal full of guns, breed 21 children and then make it into a reality show....
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Mosquitoes Wearing Parkas
I'll admit--- I really want to bitch and moan about the record breaking cold here in Alaska. But everyone else is already doing it. Overheard the line: "even the mosquitoes are wearing parkas" the other day-- which summarizes this ridiculous weather situation quite well. As somehow the stupid mosquitoes are not dying off, yet it keeps snowing outside!!??
So let me talk about something more related to summer. Namely pool pee. I just read two sort of gross articles on the high percentage of people who admit to "relieving themselves in public pools". Why ?? Don't they realize the pee or poop (!) will just recirculate right back and get into their nostrils? Is the American population becoming ayurvedic? Maybe they are really enlightened and experimenting with free fecal transplantation to improve their immune systems??
Of course the more realistic theory: people are just plain lazy and gross!! Stop it you weirdos!!
Or else all pools will have soon host signs (like I the one at a condo pool in Maui) "anyone unable to hold their urine must wear rubber pants while swimming". There you have it!
So let me talk about something more related to summer. Namely pool pee. I just read two sort of gross articles on the high percentage of people who admit to "relieving themselves in public pools". Why ?? Don't they realize the pee or poop (!) will just recirculate right back and get into their nostrils? Is the American population becoming ayurvedic? Maybe they are really enlightened and experimenting with free fecal transplantation to improve their immune systems??
Of course the more realistic theory: people are just plain lazy and gross!! Stop it you weirdos!!
Or else all pools will have soon host signs (like I the one at a condo pool in Maui) "anyone unable to hold their urine must wear rubber pants while swimming". There you have it!
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Weeping Through Winter
Winter is here. Alas it is May 8th, but I still stare at the icy walk over the frozen ground. Snow pants hang by the doorway --this is the eighth month they have been in use already... Some may say: "well that's what you get for living in Alaska"--but I swear once upon a time, even Alaska had warm and sunny days...
Where is the glorious promise of global warming? (just call it climate change from now on, ok?) I want to feel what 75 degrees feels like again. I want to wear shorts and sundresses. I want to sit in a hot car. The only time I have sweat in the past two years is from strange and unpredictable hot flashes. Is that my new warming? instead of through the sun I will be heated by a menopausal glow ?
I know I should be careful for what I wish for---long patches of sweltering heat can be exhausting...but just a few days please...
Where is the glorious promise of global warming? (just call it climate change from now on, ok?) I want to feel what 75 degrees feels like again. I want to wear shorts and sundresses. I want to sit in a hot car. The only time I have sweat in the past two years is from strange and unpredictable hot flashes. Is that my new warming? instead of through the sun I will be heated by a menopausal glow ?
I know I should be careful for what I wish for---long patches of sweltering heat can be exhausting...but just a few days please...
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
When in Fairbanks....
After living in Alaska for too many years already, I am quite familiar with the complete disinterest that many proprietors have in business revenue. Maybe it's the lack of competition, maybe it's the weather. But it is what it is.
In south central Alaska this transpires into the unusual way we choose electricians, plumbers or other such service personnel--- a technical and elaborate process called: " whoever actually shows up." Or there is the other method: "the one that finally returned my calls"....
However, this fantastic service can always be topped by a trip to Fairbanks.
We were on a recent journey to the North Star Borough when our dog Little Bear treated us to an unwelcome surprise. It was really our own fault: expecting a 10 year old male dog to endure 9 hours without a pee break...So he simply took matters into his own hands, and relieved himself on a cover cloth, right in the back of the SUV. Needless to say, we had no way of dealing with the soaked material. The only logical choice was to head on over to the local Laundromat as soon as possible.
Seemed normal enough at first, deposited our coins in the washer and washed the cloth.
But the interesting part was the drying. Thinking I was in a Laundromat, I dropped my coins into a dryer and walked away, expecting actual drying--the carriage was spinning after all. Needless to say, upon returning to my item, I discovered it was still just as wet--no heat (although set to high). I looked up at a sign above the dryers and it said: "check for heat". Odd.
Very well then. I tried another dryer-- depositing my quarters, and again-- no heat. Third dryer was the charm -- and it performed its intended function: drying.
I walked over to the staff and told them: "Well dryer x and y had no heat, maybe you could put up a sign that they don't work ?"
The response I got was: "No, they may just work later on. We hate those things."
I had no idea how to respond to that.
Apparently in Fairbanks there is a strange policy of denial. Reinforced to us a few hours later, as we entered the lobby of the Chena Hot Springs pool area. It was completely dark and quiet. Staff was accepting 'cash only' for pool entry. An obvious power outage. I asked: "is there a power outage?" I received the reply: "no".
So we proceeded to go down the dark hallway and change in the locker rooms lit by multiple candles. People kept asking the staff: "when will the electricity be returning? To which the staff would nonchalantly reply--" there is no problem".
So lesson learned, in Fairbanks everything is ok, regardless of what you may be observing. I guess it is a pretty good attitude to have when living in a climate that can get to -49. Just deny it!
In south central Alaska this transpires into the unusual way we choose electricians, plumbers or other such service personnel--- a technical and elaborate process called: " whoever actually shows up." Or there is the other method: "the one that finally returned my calls"....
However, this fantastic service can always be topped by a trip to Fairbanks.
We were on a recent journey to the North Star Borough when our dog Little Bear treated us to an unwelcome surprise. It was really our own fault: expecting a 10 year old male dog to endure 9 hours without a pee break...So he simply took matters into his own hands, and relieved himself on a cover cloth, right in the back of the SUV. Needless to say, we had no way of dealing with the soaked material. The only logical choice was to head on over to the local Laundromat as soon as possible.
Seemed normal enough at first, deposited our coins in the washer and washed the cloth.
But the interesting part was the drying. Thinking I was in a Laundromat, I dropped my coins into a dryer and walked away, expecting actual drying--the carriage was spinning after all. Needless to say, upon returning to my item, I discovered it was still just as wet--no heat (although set to high). I looked up at a sign above the dryers and it said: "check for heat". Odd.
Very well then. I tried another dryer-- depositing my quarters, and again-- no heat. Third dryer was the charm -- and it performed its intended function: drying.
I walked over to the staff and told them: "Well dryer x and y had no heat, maybe you could put up a sign that they don't work ?"
The response I got was: "No, they may just work later on. We hate those things."
I had no idea how to respond to that.
Apparently in Fairbanks there is a strange policy of denial. Reinforced to us a few hours later, as we entered the lobby of the Chena Hot Springs pool area. It was completely dark and quiet. Staff was accepting 'cash only' for pool entry. An obvious power outage. I asked: "is there a power outage?" I received the reply: "no".
So we proceeded to go down the dark hallway and change in the locker rooms lit by multiple candles. People kept asking the staff: "when will the electricity be returning? To which the staff would nonchalantly reply--" there is no problem".
So lesson learned, in Fairbanks everything is ok, regardless of what you may be observing. I guess it is a pretty good attitude to have when living in a climate that can get to -49. Just deny it!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Again With Sheryl Sanberg!
All the hype and talk about Sheryl Sandberg lately is getting pretty exhausting. (you know: the "Lean In" lady). Supposedly she "predicted" that folks like me would "dislike her for her success". Well I'm not a fan-- not because she is successful--but because I feel she speaks for a minority of women....
Her first assumption is the infamous quote in her book, that if you plan to have children, "finding the right husband/partner is the most important career decision you can make." Well I say pooh to that. Plenty of women don't know if they want children or not until later in life--so please don't assume everyone has it all figured out ahead of time.
Secondly, her super-fantastic corporate life still sounds quite stressful and unpleasant to many--certainly impossible to achieve without domestic help. Quite frankly--I have yet to meet a lady doing the "high powered job thing" who doesn't come across as angry and exhausted. Of course Ms. Sanberg would say--this is why we lean in! (with a perky smile) Hubby helps with the supportive role! Well maybe if you marry some awesome gay man. Unfortunately, quite a few SAHDs (stay at home dads) I know (and do respect to death!) just aren't as intuitively adept at child rearing and multi-tasking as women. It just doesn't work out as wonderfully as one may think it could...
Needless to say, women aren't men, and men are not women. I am all for equal rights, but it does not mean we become exactly the same. I don't want to wear business suits and watch football--so maybe I just don't want the exact same career path as a man, maybe I don't want to be a CEO (gasp!)
I am certainly not submissive, do have a good education, but don't want her life--why does she think I do? It is a disservice to women to put this sort of pressure on them.
If she really cared about empowering women, I wish she would have written a book called "Stop Leaning Over" --for anal sex that is. Does she have any idea how many young women are increasingly exposing themselves to anal tears and HPV just to please a man's silly request?
Her first assumption is the infamous quote in her book, that if you plan to have children, "finding the right husband/partner is the most important career decision you can make." Well I say pooh to that. Plenty of women don't know if they want children or not until later in life--so please don't assume everyone has it all figured out ahead of time.
Secondly, her super-fantastic corporate life still sounds quite stressful and unpleasant to many--certainly impossible to achieve without domestic help. Quite frankly--I have yet to meet a lady doing the "high powered job thing" who doesn't come across as angry and exhausted. Of course Ms. Sanberg would say--this is why we lean in! (with a perky smile) Hubby helps with the supportive role! Well maybe if you marry some awesome gay man. Unfortunately, quite a few SAHDs (stay at home dads) I know (and do respect to death!) just aren't as intuitively adept at child rearing and multi-tasking as women. It just doesn't work out as wonderfully as one may think it could...
Needless to say, women aren't men, and men are not women. I am all for equal rights, but it does not mean we become exactly the same. I don't want to wear business suits and watch football--so maybe I just don't want the exact same career path as a man, maybe I don't want to be a CEO (gasp!)
I am certainly not submissive, do have a good education, but don't want her life--why does she think I do? It is a disservice to women to put this sort of pressure on them.
If she really cared about empowering women, I wish she would have written a book called "Stop Leaning Over" --for anal sex that is. Does she have any idea how many young women are increasingly exposing themselves to anal tears and HPV just to please a man's silly request?
Monday, April 15, 2013
How Many Days Left on Earth??
I wonder how many folks paid any attention at all to a speech recently made by Stephen Hawking (spell?) He states, as a matter of fact, that humans have about 1,000 years left before they destroy the earth--in other words--start building those friggin space condos!!
I'm sure plenty of people are thinking oh--poopy poop--wild speculation. But I for one, do not.
It is actually incredibly logical.
No matter how hard we try (as a few environmental activists have noticed)--the fight against global warming, resource or water conservation, becomes a fight against ourselves. No matter how well intentioned, all folks are not going to give up their luxuries , move into a solar yurt and bike to work...
How do you fight the innate human desire for a more comfortable life?? There are billions of humans globally just waiting to have an American lifestyle--with fresh water, three bedroom homes, air conditioning, Old Navy disposable blue jeans and a hamburger at lunch time. But nobody wants to admit the math is not possible. The resources, the land , will run out.
And the optimists shout--"but we'll have laboratory grown meat! And bamboo pants! solar cook stoves!!" But can you stop consumption? And if you had that magic wand--would anybody really want to stop the global economy? The human brain is wired to think (just like the animals) of their own survival first. Long term benefits for the masses --Not so much. There is a saying: there are plenty of fish in the sea. But I'm not so sure.....
I'm sure plenty of people are thinking oh--poopy poop--wild speculation. But I for one, do not.
It is actually incredibly logical.
No matter how hard we try (as a few environmental activists have noticed)--the fight against global warming, resource or water conservation, becomes a fight against ourselves. No matter how well intentioned, all folks are not going to give up their luxuries , move into a solar yurt and bike to work...
How do you fight the innate human desire for a more comfortable life?? There are billions of humans globally just waiting to have an American lifestyle--with fresh water, three bedroom homes, air conditioning, Old Navy disposable blue jeans and a hamburger at lunch time. But nobody wants to admit the math is not possible. The resources, the land , will run out.
And the optimists shout--"but we'll have laboratory grown meat! And bamboo pants! solar cook stoves!!" But can you stop consumption? And if you had that magic wand--would anybody really want to stop the global economy? The human brain is wired to think (just like the animals) of their own survival first. Long term benefits for the masses --Not so much. There is a saying: there are plenty of fish in the sea. But I'm not so sure.....
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Fix Failing Boys and Solve Obesity in 5 Minutes!
Here is something I like to do: give a quick and efficient answer to some long drawn out over-analyzed societal problem. For example: boys failing ! Many minds are fretting about the state of American boys: dropping out of school, not going to college, girls doing better!....So many theories--absent fathers, working mothers, video games ....
But never fear! I have a one-size-fits all response:
Who are today's boys emulating?? Does anyone remember the 70's or 80's? When boys wanted to grow up to be astronauts, doctors, fire chiefs, maybe president??
Ask a modern 12 year old boy the same question. My money is on the answer -- 'be a rich rapper or football player!' Mention astronaut or lawyer and their "nerd alert sensor" will go off. Meanwhile, girls are lucky enough to fly beneath the "nerd" radar...Face it, our society currently mocks smart boys. Quit it.
Then there is obesity! Good grief. How over-studied can a societal problem be? Just buy a friggin ticket to Eastern Europe. Sit on the street corner and gasp! No obesity! How is that possible? For one, less cars. Everyone walks and walks and then walks some more. Americans hate walking, they just do. Second, food is priced differently. Healthy food is not more expensive than junk food. And all food actually costs more (compared to income)--you just can't afford to gorge. Lastly kids remember, soda is a treat-- not a beverage!
There you have it, problem solved--but nobody is listening!
But never fear! I have a one-size-fits all response:
Who are today's boys emulating?? Does anyone remember the 70's or 80's? When boys wanted to grow up to be astronauts, doctors, fire chiefs, maybe president??
Ask a modern 12 year old boy the same question. My money is on the answer -- 'be a rich rapper or football player!' Mention astronaut or lawyer and their "nerd alert sensor" will go off. Meanwhile, girls are lucky enough to fly beneath the "nerd" radar...Face it, our society currently mocks smart boys. Quit it.
Then there is obesity! Good grief. How over-studied can a societal problem be? Just buy a friggin ticket to Eastern Europe. Sit on the street corner and gasp! No obesity! How is that possible? For one, less cars. Everyone walks and walks and then walks some more. Americans hate walking, they just do. Second, food is priced differently. Healthy food is not more expensive than junk food. And all food actually costs more (compared to income)--you just can't afford to gorge. Lastly kids remember, soda is a treat-- not a beverage!
There you have it, problem solved--but nobody is listening!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
For Once the Internet Did Not Insult Me!
Not a day goes by, where some sort of Spam or adware does not hurl multiple insults my way...Either I need to "look thirty again" or "meet lonely housewives" (?) or purchase a "life alert" or "step in bath tub"--as apparently I continue to slip while showering...
These assumptions are getting quite annoying---and I am fed up with being typecast as a lonely old man!!
But wait--just a few days ago-- Google adware redeemed itself!!!
I had opened a bogus April Fools Day Google account (doesn't everybody?) And this seemed to catch their attention....Some computer somewhere scanned my gag emails and came to a new assumption: this monkey is some sort of prankster.
The adware (with heading: 'Ad recommended for you') was for "Beardo" a fake press on beard and beanie combination! Obviously Google has now concluded that I have picked my senior ass up off the bathroom floor--and am ready to put on a fake beard and hit the streets! Look out world--here I come!
These assumptions are getting quite annoying---and I am fed up with being typecast as a lonely old man!!
But wait--just a few days ago-- Google adware redeemed itself!!!
I had opened a bogus April Fools Day Google account (doesn't everybody?) And this seemed to catch their attention....Some computer somewhere scanned my gag emails and came to a new assumption: this monkey is some sort of prankster.
The adware (with heading: 'Ad recommended for you') was for "Beardo" a fake press on beard and beanie combination! Obviously Google has now concluded that I have picked my senior ass up off the bathroom floor--and am ready to put on a fake beard and hit the streets! Look out world--here I come!
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Things My Dogs Have Eaten
I was thinking about how ridiculously healthy my pound puppies are--and their ability to tolerate the weirdest things. Now, I am not a cruel person, I don't allow bizarre foods (not even table scraps!)--but dogs just get into stuff-- They have both made it to the ripe old age of ten and at least Dingo (sled dog mix) has at this point stopped ingesting weird stuff.
What Dingo has been capable of consuming (but not at the same time!): whole bag of Roma tomatoes, one pan of brownies, three giant muffins, iced latte with whipped cream, whole package of fruit Mentos (she spit out mint Mentos after finding those), leather glove, 2 cork coasters and three plastic CD cases.
What Dingo can not eat: rawhide (which of course is meant for dogs, but makes her very ill).
My other dog-- Bear, has even stranger tastes. What we have found him in the act of eating: wild birds, dragon flies, voles, numerous types of wiring--he loves wiring! We can't keep a plug or lamp near the beast. He also enjoys wooden sticks, crayons, paper and pencils. He can happily consume a whole pencil with no ill effect. What he can't eat: Iams Dog food. We have to feed him a very expensive lamb and rice formula (probably corn and wheat allergry). I'll say the crayons do produce the most interesting fecal matter of the bunch..
What Dingo has been capable of consuming (but not at the same time!): whole bag of Roma tomatoes, one pan of brownies, three giant muffins, iced latte with whipped cream, whole package of fruit Mentos (she spit out mint Mentos after finding those), leather glove, 2 cork coasters and three plastic CD cases.
What Dingo can not eat: rawhide (which of course is meant for dogs, but makes her very ill).
My other dog-- Bear, has even stranger tastes. What we have found him in the act of eating: wild birds, dragon flies, voles, numerous types of wiring--he loves wiring! We can't keep a plug or lamp near the beast. He also enjoys wooden sticks, crayons, paper and pencils. He can happily consume a whole pencil with no ill effect. What he can't eat: Iams Dog food. We have to feed him a very expensive lamb and rice formula (probably corn and wheat allergry). I'll say the crayons do produce the most interesting fecal matter of the bunch..
Friday, March 22, 2013
130 Dogs!!!
As someone who has been closely following the Iditarod sled dog race for over 11 years, I was surprised to learn about a whole new aspect of the Iditarod: Air Cargo.
Yes, of course I always knew about the "Iditarod air force" and how these little planes volunteer to fly dog kibble, vets, dropped dogs etc. in and out of remote airports. I just never pulled together the vast doggy numbers in my head before.
Namely: the little tid bit in the news about how one unfortunate canine met his end, while waiting for the air cargo plane to get him back to Anchorage. This happened in Unalakleet --a small town in the middle of Alaska nowhere. But big enough (say a few hundred) residents to justify Air cargo flights in and out of the town. They take the sled dogs back to Anchorage, weather permitting. Meanwhile--everyone waits--and more pups join them as they are dropped off from even more remote Alaskan towns (flown to Unalakleet to await transport). There are some awesome photos of this on Alaska stock pics. Dogs on a plane--it looks totally insane!
Alaska weather being what it is , it is often unsafe to fly. Thus the doggies accumulate and that is how you can wind up with 130 sled dogs in one tiny town! Wow!
From what I read, there were 24 volunteers on hand and numerous vets. I feel badly that they are being criticized for one dog's death (bless the poor dog's owners/mushers who seem like a class act). But if anyone can grasp how difficult it must be to keep an eye on 130 dogs, at night, in an Alaskan blizzard!!
Of course, this opens the flood gates for Iditarod criticism, 'the brutal conditions', yada yada--but that's just all crazy speak. Of course the Iditarod has too many dogs, and is freakishly long and the weather is just bananas. But that's what makes it exciting! (and in my opinion, it's exciting for the dogs too--do they really want to get diabetes and just perish on your Lazy Boy recliner?)
Why do the critics want an over-sanitized world for dogs? (do they speak dog? )The harshest critic--sled dog action network --is based in Florida of all places!!! Has this crazy lady ever been to her neighboring southern states and seen all the dead stray dogs along the side of the road? Do those dogs have a better life experience ? Or when will the sled-dog Nazis shut down the Asian dog-burger market? Or how about helping the wolves (the canine cousin for crying out loud) still being caught in leg hold traps in Alaska--now isn't that a better cause to criticize?
Yes, of course I always knew about the "Iditarod air force" and how these little planes volunteer to fly dog kibble, vets, dropped dogs etc. in and out of remote airports. I just never pulled together the vast doggy numbers in my head before.
Namely: the little tid bit in the news about how one unfortunate canine met his end, while waiting for the air cargo plane to get him back to Anchorage. This happened in Unalakleet --a small town in the middle of Alaska nowhere. But big enough (say a few hundred) residents to justify Air cargo flights in and out of the town. They take the sled dogs back to Anchorage, weather permitting. Meanwhile--everyone waits--and more pups join them as they are dropped off from even more remote Alaskan towns (flown to Unalakleet to await transport). There are some awesome photos of this on Alaska stock pics. Dogs on a plane--it looks totally insane!
Alaska weather being what it is , it is often unsafe to fly. Thus the doggies accumulate and that is how you can wind up with 130 sled dogs in one tiny town! Wow!
From what I read, there were 24 volunteers on hand and numerous vets. I feel badly that they are being criticized for one dog's death (bless the poor dog's owners/mushers who seem like a class act). But if anyone can grasp how difficult it must be to keep an eye on 130 dogs, at night, in an Alaskan blizzard!!
Of course, this opens the flood gates for Iditarod criticism, 'the brutal conditions', yada yada--but that's just all crazy speak. Of course the Iditarod has too many dogs, and is freakishly long and the weather is just bananas. But that's what makes it exciting! (and in my opinion, it's exciting for the dogs too--do they really want to get diabetes and just perish on your Lazy Boy recliner?)
Why do the critics want an over-sanitized world for dogs? (do they speak dog? )The harshest critic--sled dog action network --is based in Florida of all places!!! Has this crazy lady ever been to her neighboring southern states and seen all the dead stray dogs along the side of the road? Do those dogs have a better life experience ? Or when will the sled-dog Nazis shut down the Asian dog-burger market? Or how about helping the wolves (the canine cousin for crying out loud) still being caught in leg hold traps in Alaska--now isn't that a better cause to criticize?
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Would Anyone Care About Sarah Palin if She were Fat?
Like the smell of septic gas on my roof, Sarah Palin is the gift that just can't seem to go away. Why the heck is she back in the news??? Good grief. I bet it's those tight pants.
The GOP has no shame at all, advertising their "good looking" ladies. The men of the party all look they have been sleeping in the back of a Dunkin Doughnuts after a weeklong carb binge....but the women are held to a different standard. I once heard this is actually called: "Fox Glam".
Here you have a political party that feels that a women's number one job is to look good. Whatever. But the worst part is, that only after she looks good--will we pretend to listen to her. I use the term 'pretend', because are you really taking someone seriously just because they put on hot pants and lip stick?
There are many, many dirty old men in Alaska who will willingly admit that the number one reason they voted Sarah Palin for Governor was because she was hot. They drove around with bumper stickers "coldest state, hottest governor". And this is now touted as her "political experience?"
The GOP has no shame at all, advertising their "good looking" ladies. The men of the party all look they have been sleeping in the back of a Dunkin Doughnuts after a weeklong carb binge....but the women are held to a different standard. I once heard this is actually called: "Fox Glam".
Here you have a political party that feels that a women's number one job is to look good. Whatever. But the worst part is, that only after she looks good--will we pretend to listen to her. I use the term 'pretend', because are you really taking someone seriously just because they put on hot pants and lip stick?
There are many, many dirty old men in Alaska who will willingly admit that the number one reason they voted Sarah Palin for Governor was because she was hot. They drove around with bumper stickers "coldest state, hottest governor". And this is now touted as her "political experience?"
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Living the Dream
Many years ago, I nonchalantly mentioned to a friend back East--"well maybe I can open up a bed and breakfast or something in Alaska..." She quickly turned to me and said, "people don't do that, that's not a real job".
Typical East Coast attitude. It's like there is a "no dreaming aloud" banner being towed above the whole place.
Travel a few thousand miles Northwest, and you get the opposite attitude in Alaska. The state who's unofficial slogan really should be: "welcome kooks and dreamers".
I now recognize it's probably my favorite thing about life in the Last Frontier. Every year when the Iditarod sled dog race began, I used to burst out into tears of joy. What brought me this happiness was that these dreamers, with their dog sleds and "fake" jobs as dogs mushers-- were so loved and respected here. Living as they like and saying: "screw you-- conventional lifestyle--I'm going to live my dream."
Typical East Coast attitude. It's like there is a "no dreaming aloud" banner being towed above the whole place.
Travel a few thousand miles Northwest, and you get the opposite attitude in Alaska. The state who's unofficial slogan really should be: "welcome kooks and dreamers".
I now recognize it's probably my favorite thing about life in the Last Frontier. Every year when the Iditarod sled dog race began, I used to burst out into tears of joy. What brought me this happiness was that these dreamers, with their dog sleds and "fake" jobs as dogs mushers-- were so loved and respected here. Living as they like and saying: "screw you-- conventional lifestyle--I'm going to live my dream."
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Leave the CPR Lady Alone
My Goodness. From the vitriol online, you can tell that people are quite peeved at the Independent Living Nurse (or staff member) who did not perform CPR on an 87 year old resident. It's quite a story with all sorts of ethics experts and who-knows-what experts chiming in.
As a person who received an A+ in Bioethics in College, I too have a valid "expert" opinion. Leave the poor nurse or staff member alone! True enough, I heard her tone wasn't very loving on the telephone, but who knows how long she may have worked in this sort of environment? Have the critics been around the same amount of end-of-life situations as this staff member? Does anyone recognize the day to day challenges of working in an environment where many of the folks you "serve" are at their last residence on earth?
From a practical point of view, the lady was 87, not 47, 7 or even 77. Plenty of medical professionals know that CPR at this advanced age often does more harm than good. (Broken bones, etc.) Not to mention the oxygen loss suffered in the meantime. Prolonging life at any cost, often causes more suffering than it solves. If you don't believe me, visit a nursing home, or ICU. Nobody wants to die in these places, as they are not quick or easy deaths.
The true "outrage" in this CPR story is the human fear of death. I don't believe it's about this poor old lady (bless her) it's really about--"what if this zany nurse was near me and didn't prolong my life?" Well bullocks. You have no idea if she would have reacted the same way. Do people get this outraged when someone puts their dog to sleep? No they don't, they actually call it humane. (not to say this nurse put the lady to sleep--just pointing out the double standard) People can't think "humanely" about human deaths, for they are so absorbed in their own fears of being extinguished from earth.
As a person who received an A+ in Bioethics in College, I too have a valid "expert" opinion. Leave the poor nurse or staff member alone! True enough, I heard her tone wasn't very loving on the telephone, but who knows how long she may have worked in this sort of environment? Have the critics been around the same amount of end-of-life situations as this staff member? Does anyone recognize the day to day challenges of working in an environment where many of the folks you "serve" are at their last residence on earth?
From a practical point of view, the lady was 87, not 47, 7 or even 77. Plenty of medical professionals know that CPR at this advanced age often does more harm than good. (Broken bones, etc.) Not to mention the oxygen loss suffered in the meantime. Prolonging life at any cost, often causes more suffering than it solves. If you don't believe me, visit a nursing home, or ICU. Nobody wants to die in these places, as they are not quick or easy deaths.
The true "outrage" in this CPR story is the human fear of death. I don't believe it's about this poor old lady (bless her) it's really about--"what if this zany nurse was near me and didn't prolong my life?" Well bullocks. You have no idea if she would have reacted the same way. Do people get this outraged when someone puts their dog to sleep? No they don't, they actually call it humane. (not to say this nurse put the lady to sleep--just pointing out the double standard) People can't think "humanely" about human deaths, for they are so absorbed in their own fears of being extinguished from earth.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
What's Wrong With People??
Now and then, I get so fed up with all this Alaskan snow and winter crap, that I start looking at real estate listings in warmer western states. The problem is--West Coast home construction.
Why aren't people standing up to these nasty builders? Plopping down boring, beige, bland ubiquitous homes--painted with drab paint, stuffed full of grey tiles and really crappy siding? They are so dull to look at, that I freak out, shut down the computer and actually enjoy the snow for five minutes.
Where I grew up (on the East Coast) it was a sign of class and status that your fancy house looked nothing like your neighbors! The better the neighborhood--the more unique the construction!! Nobody in their right mind would prance around bragging they had "all neutral colors." No, you had boxy modern homes, tudor and brick, all nestled next to each other. At the very least, people actually painted their homes--green, yellow, dark red. For crying out loud, when will people grow "some" and dare to be a tiny bit different?? Stand up folks! And "just say no to beige!"
Why aren't people standing up to these nasty builders? Plopping down boring, beige, bland ubiquitous homes--painted with drab paint, stuffed full of grey tiles and really crappy siding? They are so dull to look at, that I freak out, shut down the computer and actually enjoy the snow for five minutes.
Where I grew up (on the East Coast) it was a sign of class and status that your fancy house looked nothing like your neighbors! The better the neighborhood--the more unique the construction!! Nobody in their right mind would prance around bragging they had "all neutral colors." No, you had boxy modern homes, tudor and brick, all nestled next to each other. At the very least, people actually painted their homes--green, yellow, dark red. For crying out loud, when will people grow "some" and dare to be a tiny bit different?? Stand up folks! And "just say no to beige!"
Thursday, February 21, 2013
What the Feminists Have Done To Me
I don't really want to bash feminism too much here--I super appreciate the right to vote and having an equal voice to men.
But, with that said, the new normal for "liberated" females has caused me quite a bit of grief.
Let's face it, with most women currently working out of the home--those that do not are considered LAZY. Thanks a lot Betty Freidan. Although I vote liberal, I am forced to surround myself with true Conservative women--as they would never judge me for actually enjoying being at home or for wearing fabulous sunglasses!
I am now stuck with a passive aggressive mother-in-law always sticking it to me about how awful I am to my husband. I should obviously release him from the evil burden of being the sole bread winner. Or how about childhood friends, sarcastically asking how am I enjoying my retirement? (I did once have a REAL career after all)
The thing is, I am not counting flowers on the wall. I do spend my days either painting, writing or fixing up the house! Not to mention the obvious, yet more boring tasks, such as kid taxi, maid and cook! But somehow I am supposed to feel guilty, that I really enjoy this. Or maybe less intelligent?? Interestingly, I find that having less stress has increased my knowledge base. Not only do I have the time to really read stuff....I also contemplate and meditate!
The art of meditation is considered so very intellectual--if you are a male and in Bhutan! But for us females (and again--thanks to those bored feminists) I am not allowed to enjoy it. I just need to wallow in guilt instead-- as I am not "producing" anything more tangible than art, clean laundry and ideas!
But, with that said, the new normal for "liberated" females has caused me quite a bit of grief.
Let's face it, with most women currently working out of the home--those that do not are considered LAZY. Thanks a lot Betty Freidan. Although I vote liberal, I am forced to surround myself with true Conservative women--as they would never judge me for actually enjoying being at home or for wearing fabulous sunglasses!
I am now stuck with a passive aggressive mother-in-law always sticking it to me about how awful I am to my husband. I should obviously release him from the evil burden of being the sole bread winner. Or how about childhood friends, sarcastically asking how am I enjoying my retirement? (I did once have a REAL career after all)
The thing is, I am not counting flowers on the wall. I do spend my days either painting, writing or fixing up the house! Not to mention the obvious, yet more boring tasks, such as kid taxi, maid and cook! But somehow I am supposed to feel guilty, that I really enjoy this. Or maybe less intelligent?? Interestingly, I find that having less stress has increased my knowledge base. Not only do I have the time to really read stuff....I also contemplate and meditate!
The art of meditation is considered so very intellectual--if you are a male and in Bhutan! But for us females (and again--thanks to those bored feminists) I am not allowed to enjoy it. I just need to wallow in guilt instead-- as I am not "producing" anything more tangible than art, clean laundry and ideas!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Cheer Up Stressed Youth, the Asteroid is Coming
I recently read that today's youth, I believe it was the age group of 20-33 year olds, are the most "stressed out generation". The article did not clearly identify the stressors--but indicated it was mostly money and job woes.
Everyone likes to blame"the economy", but nobody wants to point out that maybe the US economy (as we know it) is actually unsustainable in the first place. I mean, growth, growth and more growth? Even Jack knew the bean-stock would eventually stop growing.
So instead of freaking out---ease your worries:
1) You probably don't need as much money as your parents did. In the old days, kids were just glad to inherit a damn gravy bowl---nowadays, everyone lives like a hoarder, so you are bound to inherit MOUNTAINS of furnishings, dishes, and household goods--none of which you will like. BUT you will learn not to make this mistake with your own kids, it's much cheaper to only purchase groceries and floor cushions (live like the Turks).
2) Move somewhere new. The most amazing thing about "too many (human)rats in a cage" is that even when the cage door is open, the rats don't leave!!
If you handle freezing winters--try North Dakota or Alaska. You may just fall ass backwards into a job, and your stress disappear, as these rural folk don't take themselves seriously.
3) Send your iphone swimming. This sounds horrible, I know. But being oblivious to texts and constant updates is very, very nice.
4) Cheer up--we were almost hit by an asteroid! Everything we humans have worked for and care about could be wiped out by a space rock at any given moment. Just ask the dinosaurs. So relax man and enjoy!
Everyone likes to blame"the economy", but nobody wants to point out that maybe the US economy (as we know it) is actually unsustainable in the first place. I mean, growth, growth and more growth? Even Jack knew the bean-stock would eventually stop growing.
So instead of freaking out---ease your worries:
1) You probably don't need as much money as your parents did. In the old days, kids were just glad to inherit a damn gravy bowl---nowadays, everyone lives like a hoarder, so you are bound to inherit MOUNTAINS of furnishings, dishes, and household goods--none of which you will like. BUT you will learn not to make this mistake with your own kids, it's much cheaper to only purchase groceries and floor cushions (live like the Turks).
2) Move somewhere new. The most amazing thing about "too many (human)rats in a cage" is that even when the cage door is open, the rats don't leave!!
If you handle freezing winters--try North Dakota or Alaska. You may just fall ass backwards into a job, and your stress disappear, as these rural folk don't take themselves seriously.
3) Send your iphone swimming. This sounds horrible, I know. But being oblivious to texts and constant updates is very, very nice.
4) Cheer up--we were almost hit by an asteroid! Everything we humans have worked for and care about could be wiped out by a space rock at any given moment. Just ask the dinosaurs. So relax man and enjoy!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Always Choose Vanity Over Sanity
Blah, blah, according to various bland health information websites...the news today is that baby-boomers just aren't as healthy as their parents were. Then these same bland sites go on to sing their little song about "sensible diet and exercise". They never have the balls to spill the real truth: those baby boomer parents were not motivated by "health" they were motivated by a much stronger force: vanity.
Just take a quick peak at any photos from the 1950's--gorgeous people. Everyone is slim, hair done up, lipstick applied, suits worn, skirts pressed, shoes shined....
Then take a look at "anywhere America" today--I don't need to elaborate.
Vanity (and being judged by your looks) is an incredibly strong motivating force. Being "healthy" is just plain boring. Nobody is going to put down their big gulp soda for "health". Being judged by the sniveling masses--maybe then....
As we as a nation embrace "the beauty within"---you can say goodbye to a healthy population! And say hello to pajama wearing shoppers at the grocery store.
Being "always beautiful" results in lazy behavior. I can't believe how many hotel reviews I have read where people complain that there was no elevator! Unless you are handicapped--embrace this wonderful "forced exercise". What about the new home trend--wanting laundry rooms by bedrooms (?) Because the basement is "too far"! Just call it "a home gym"!
Don't even get me started on the long term health care savings of encouraging smoking--...screw Obamacare, get Marlboro care.
Just take a quick peak at any photos from the 1950's--gorgeous people. Everyone is slim, hair done up, lipstick applied, suits worn, skirts pressed, shoes shined....
Then take a look at "anywhere America" today--I don't need to elaborate.
Vanity (and being judged by your looks) is an incredibly strong motivating force. Being "healthy" is just plain boring. Nobody is going to put down their big gulp soda for "health". Being judged by the sniveling masses--maybe then....
As we as a nation embrace "the beauty within"---you can say goodbye to a healthy population! And say hello to pajama wearing shoppers at the grocery store.
Being "always beautiful" results in lazy behavior. I can't believe how many hotel reviews I have read where people complain that there was no elevator! Unless you are handicapped--embrace this wonderful "forced exercise". What about the new home trend--wanting laundry rooms by bedrooms (?) Because the basement is "too far"! Just call it "a home gym"!
Don't even get me started on the long term health care savings of encouraging smoking--...screw Obamacare, get Marlboro care.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Pizza Hut Wants to Control the World
I recently had my first experience ordering Pizza Hut online, fairly painless procedure--but then they sent me the most annoying email--"tell your friends you just ordered from Pizza Hut!"
Maybe that makes sense if you are in college--(but can you really afford to share??)
BUT why-oh-why do they think some middle aged mamma would even consider adding that on Facebook?? Like: "look how pathetic I am , I can't cook, nor do I know how to order something healthy for my family" ?!
And on that note, let me say why I was even ordering a greasy Pizza Hut purchase in the first place: because they are bribing my child, that's why.
Everyone goes on and on, about how they don't want so much "government control", but what about friggin Pizza Hut control??
They have infiltrated all the elementary schools and are bribing kids with "Book it" coupons for pizza. If you read for a few minutes a day each week, you get the stupid pizza coupon.
Now to my child, this is pure gold. Never allowed to eat fats (ooh typo, but I like it!) food anyway--here it is--he is being paid in junk food and getting quite a good taste for it!!! But of all things --Pizza Hut! They only serve Pepsi products NO JUICE or MILK, and are totally part of the 'problem.' How is this criminal behavior even allowed in our schools? Is anyone paying attention?
Maybe that makes sense if you are in college--(but can you really afford to share??)
BUT why-oh-why do they think some middle aged mamma would even consider adding that on Facebook?? Like: "look how pathetic I am , I can't cook, nor do I know how to order something healthy for my family" ?!
And on that note, let me say why I was even ordering a greasy Pizza Hut purchase in the first place: because they are bribing my child, that's why.
Everyone goes on and on, about how they don't want so much "government control", but what about friggin Pizza Hut control??
They have infiltrated all the elementary schools and are bribing kids with "Book it" coupons for pizza. If you read for a few minutes a day each week, you get the stupid pizza coupon.
Now to my child, this is pure gold. Never allowed to eat fats (ooh typo, but I like it!) food anyway--here it is--he is being paid in junk food and getting quite a good taste for it!!! But of all things --Pizza Hut! They only serve Pepsi products NO JUICE or MILK, and are totally part of the 'problem.' How is this criminal behavior even allowed in our schools? Is anyone paying attention?
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Tale of the Stinky Amaryllis
Better late than never they say. So today was the day to plant my Christmas Amaryllis bulb-- purchased at the local grocery store some time ago. I knew the poor thing was just waiting for me.
Upon purchasing the red lion Amaryllis , I had glanced at the box--it said Bulb from Brazil, assembled in USA. Ok I thought, no red flags there....
But those red flags were hiding within the box!!! The bulb looked decent enough, but it came with an easy planting soil kit--an expandable disc of soil like matter.
The first hint that I was not going to like the so called "soil"--were the chicken feathers. Yes, why are there feathers on top of my "soil ball?". Next --the little attached note that stated this particular "soil" was from Sri Lanka ! Why?
But, without any soil at home in January, I followed the "hydrating instructions"--pouring warm water onto the soil--only to encounter an expanding mass of some sort of fecal matter. It didn't just smell like fecal matter--there was also a strong odor of chickens and mold! Overwhelmed by the smell (and yes--I know what soil should smell like--usually like earth and hippies) I had no choice but to rush my chicken shit ball out of the house. After all, I did not need to introduce the home to a new kind of exotic mold spore, nor bird flu. Nobody was going to be able to handle being in the same room as the stink ball anyway. I dumped it (where else), behind the old chicken coop on our property--that's why I have pretty good idea what moldy chicken feces smells like!! But why oh why, must this exotic moldy poultry poop be sold at my local grocery store?????
Upon purchasing the red lion Amaryllis , I had glanced at the box--it said Bulb from Brazil, assembled in USA. Ok I thought, no red flags there....
But those red flags were hiding within the box!!! The bulb looked decent enough, but it came with an easy planting soil kit--an expandable disc of soil like matter.
The first hint that I was not going to like the so called "soil"--were the chicken feathers. Yes, why are there feathers on top of my "soil ball?". Next --the little attached note that stated this particular "soil" was from Sri Lanka ! Why?
But, without any soil at home in January, I followed the "hydrating instructions"--pouring warm water onto the soil--only to encounter an expanding mass of some sort of fecal matter. It didn't just smell like fecal matter--there was also a strong odor of chickens and mold! Overwhelmed by the smell (and yes--I know what soil should smell like--usually like earth and hippies) I had no choice but to rush my chicken shit ball out of the house. After all, I did not need to introduce the home to a new kind of exotic mold spore, nor bird flu. Nobody was going to be able to handle being in the same room as the stink ball anyway. I dumped it (where else), behind the old chicken coop on our property--that's why I have pretty good idea what moldy chicken feces smells like!! But why oh why, must this exotic moldy poultry poop be sold at my local grocery store?????
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Ask Why When Spreading A Conspiracy Theory, Ok???
Here we go again, another conspiracy theory is on the loose. This time that crazy Obama staged the Newton massacre, in order to push through gun control!
(Don't know how all that government "red tape" disappears when it's time to pull off a hoax ...(?) Maybe the department of vast hoaxes could rewrite the tax code?) But I regress...
The way I see things--you need to look at the "why"--what is the motivation?? I keep hearing that Obama's entire mischievous agenda is to "take away our guns". But can anyone follow that up with a good "why?"
What is he planning to do with unarmed Americans? Turn them into the French? (yummy! 2 hour lunches, more wine, longer vacations) or worse!--Canada?? Will we wear sued shoes, ice skate and say "eh" all day long? I'm sure the birthers simply assume there will be a grand military coup, and all the white men will be forced on to trains heading for Wyoming (but won't they be happier there?)
Or the worse case scenario: if we had no guns, we would be like the Japanese. With their ridiculously safe nation and zero gun homicide rate! But now who would want that?
(Don't know how all that government "red tape" disappears when it's time to pull off a hoax ...(?) Maybe the department of vast hoaxes could rewrite the tax code?) But I regress...
The way I see things--you need to look at the "why"--what is the motivation?? I keep hearing that Obama's entire mischievous agenda is to "take away our guns". But can anyone follow that up with a good "why?"
What is he planning to do with unarmed Americans? Turn them into the French? (yummy! 2 hour lunches, more wine, longer vacations) or worse!--Canada?? Will we wear sued shoes, ice skate and say "eh" all day long? I'm sure the birthers simply assume there will be a grand military coup, and all the white men will be forced on to trains heading for Wyoming (but won't they be happier there?)
Or the worse case scenario: if we had no guns, we would be like the Japanese. With their ridiculously safe nation and zero gun homicide rate! But now who would want that?
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Would Laser Cats Be Permitted?
I decided to research a little bit on Google if there are in fact any neighborhood subdivisions that disallow households from keeping massive amounts of firearms. (you know--maybe some folks would want covenants preventing militias nearby)
From my limited (I do pretend to have a life you know) searches, I came upon numerous covenant lists for normal, boring ass subdivisions. The language was pretty much unanimous regarding guns and weapons, stating only: "no discharge of firearms of any kind from the property."
So in effect--keep as many weapons, explosives or whatever you like in the home--as long as we don't hear it..
The crazy thing is, that these same covenants would list--"two household pets per home are permitted". So,the logic is--you can have like 35 assault rifles--but not 3 cats. Or say two cats and a dog. What about a rabbit and two gerbils? (Or heaven forbid "nuisance growths" i.e.-weeds) That is certainly forbidden.
My question is--if you have "laser cats" (like on SNL) are they considered constitutionally protected weapons, thus allowing more than two per household in the subdivision??
From my limited (I do pretend to have a life you know) searches, I came upon numerous covenant lists for normal, boring ass subdivisions. The language was pretty much unanimous regarding guns and weapons, stating only: "no discharge of firearms of any kind from the property."
So in effect--keep as many weapons, explosives or whatever you like in the home--as long as we don't hear it..
The crazy thing is, that these same covenants would list--"two household pets per home are permitted". So,the logic is--you can have like 35 assault rifles--but not 3 cats. Or say two cats and a dog. What about a rabbit and two gerbils? (Or heaven forbid "nuisance growths" i.e.-weeds) That is certainly forbidden.
My question is--if you have "laser cats" (like on SNL) are they considered constitutionally protected weapons, thus allowing more than two per household in the subdivision??
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Waiting For the Republicans to Implode
Now isn't this what we are waiting for? Soon enough dear friends, the Republican party will simply implode. Collapse from within--poof! Maybe the Tea Party fantasy of turning North America into South America will not come to fruition after all......(But I'll sure miss building those giant walls around our homes).
While I am patiently waiting for the conservative implosion, I have had some time on my hands to try and figure out --who are all these bozos buying up the assault weapons?? What kind of person thinks they need a house full of assault weapons??
I have actually Googled the topic and mostly find : "because of the upcoming ban".
What does that mean? Is it like buying the last Twinkies? Are they going to be selling all that ammo on Ebay soon for a mark up?
The other answer you hear is that it's a trendy "prepper" type of thing. "The hungry urbanite liberals will be coming for my chickens and water you know".
Well FYI preppers--the hungry liberals coming after your free range eggs don't have any assault weapons! They don't even have any broken old shot guns or sling shots.
So when the giant Meteorite or whatever happens, you may have hungry hipsters at your doorsteps, but most likely they'll only be looking to charge their iphones (to look for an open Panera , maybe a Starbucks?) They may resort to attacking you--via blog. Or how about the most violent thing an urban liberal knows how to do? Scream at Fox news perhaps?
So you'll be attacking these poor well dressed individuals with assault weapons, as they hide under their ipads and beg for mercy? Just give them the eggs damn it.
While I am patiently waiting for the conservative implosion, I have had some time on my hands to try and figure out --who are all these bozos buying up the assault weapons?? What kind of person thinks they need a house full of assault weapons??
I have actually Googled the topic and mostly find : "because of the upcoming ban".
What does that mean? Is it like buying the last Twinkies? Are they going to be selling all that ammo on Ebay soon for a mark up?
The other answer you hear is that it's a trendy "prepper" type of thing. "The hungry urbanite liberals will be coming for my chickens and water you know".
Well FYI preppers--the hungry liberals coming after your free range eggs don't have any assault weapons! They don't even have any broken old shot guns or sling shots.
So when the giant Meteorite or whatever happens, you may have hungry hipsters at your doorsteps, but most likely they'll only be looking to charge their iphones (to look for an open Panera , maybe a Starbucks?) They may resort to attacking you--via blog. Or how about the most violent thing an urban liberal knows how to do? Scream at Fox news perhaps?
So you'll be attacking these poor well dressed individuals with assault weapons, as they hide under their ipads and beg for mercy? Just give them the eggs damn it.
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