I am no silly goose, I know Alaska is cold, and I need to endure it as long as I live here. But here's the weird thing: the freezing cold is not nearly as annoying as the cold's lesser known cousin: low humidity...
This phenomena only kicks in when the outdoor temps hit about 5 degrees or colder (which is like half the winter) but nevertheless--it happens quickly.
Automatically your skin just shrivels and static balls spit out of every cloth you can imagine. Your hair will stand on end, agonizing thirst prevails, yet it all pales in comparison to the ubiquitous dog hair!!!
As every Alaskan knows, you will simply be deported from the state if your household does not include at least one hairy dog. Dry, static covered dogs are simply the worst. It makes them shed even more, except now in the dry air the hair sticks to everything like glue.
You just can't purchase enough sticky lint rollers to keep up with it. I know there is some sort of dog shedding vacuum you can purchase (to vacuum the dog!) but this would result in my arm being chewed off . Brushing does not work, as the human doing the brushing is so dry, that the hair just leaves the dog, and sticks to the human....
Nevertheless, if it gets below 0, I get not one-- but two humidifiers going. This helps a little bit, but doesn't fool anyone. You know my angora-looking socks are really just covered in fancy canine fur!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Are You Ready For Alaska?
Many people know that Alaska is one of the few states that actually has no economic woes, a strong housing market and jobs to be had. But...if anybody is considering relocating here in order to reap the benefits--do they really know what they are in for?? Here's a list of items you need to know that won't be mentioned in the guide books.
Do you like to dress up?
Sorry folks, it just won't be tolerated in Alaska. When I tried to wear nicer boots or slacks to work--people loved to say: "oh look at you in your fancy pants.." (insert sarcastic tone.)
Idling you car.
I know in the lower 48, it is frowned upon to idle your car-- but it is a state-wide addiction in Alaska. If the temperature drops below 40 degrees--expect to see cars idling everywhere. People pre-heat their cars with remote starts, sit in idling cars in parking lots, leave cars idling as they go shopping, or the plumber won't ever shut off his truck in your driveway (but will take off his shoes before entering your home--as does everyone here).
Obscene bumper stickers.
kids will quickly learn their share of foul words simply from reading bumper stickers. I think it's part of the Alaska "freedom" or just redneck thing (?) Don't be surprised to see "I love crack whores", "I had sex with your honor student", "I'm speeding because I have to take a crap", "piss on liberals", and simply "fuck you" used as bumper stickers or large window appliques ....
Cars in Ditches.
On your way to work, especially in the Anchorage area, you will always pass multiple upside down vehicles, or crashed and snowbound cars every time the roads get icy. People really aren't that interested in careful winter driving, as the thrill of having your buddy pull you out with a rope tied to a truck is more fun. The most interesting thing is, that nobody bats an eye if you leave your upside down vehicle in a snow bank for days on end--as they know you are just out looking for good tow-ropes....(paying money for a tow truck falls under the category of: "well look at you and your fancy tow truck"..)
Dogs
If you can't tolerate dogs, don't bother moving to Alaska. I honestly don't know anyone here who does not own at least two dogs (I think it's a state wide mandate). Even if you think you can escape them by living in Anchorage--remember that during the Iditarod dog sled race, they will bring approximately 72 dog teams into town (that's about 1,000 dogs folks). Any time you go to the grocery store, dogs sit in cars and wait for their owners--barking at you as you walk through the lot. And in more remote areas, expect to see loose dogs everywhere--they will knock over your children, eat your lunch, sniff you on hikes and be inside bars, restaurants and banks.
So are these issues you can live with? Frankly, I find sitting in an idling car surrounded by loose dogs fun, but that's just me.
Do you like to dress up?
Sorry folks, it just won't be tolerated in Alaska. When I tried to wear nicer boots or slacks to work--people loved to say: "oh look at you in your fancy pants.." (insert sarcastic tone.)
Idling you car.
I know in the lower 48, it is frowned upon to idle your car-- but it is a state-wide addiction in Alaska. If the temperature drops below 40 degrees--expect to see cars idling everywhere. People pre-heat their cars with remote starts, sit in idling cars in parking lots, leave cars idling as they go shopping, or the plumber won't ever shut off his truck in your driveway (but will take off his shoes before entering your home--as does everyone here).
Obscene bumper stickers.
kids will quickly learn their share of foul words simply from reading bumper stickers. I think it's part of the Alaska "freedom" or just redneck thing (?) Don't be surprised to see "I love crack whores", "I had sex with your honor student", "I'm speeding because I have to take a crap", "piss on liberals", and simply "fuck you" used as bumper stickers or large window appliques ....
Cars in Ditches.
On your way to work, especially in the Anchorage area, you will always pass multiple upside down vehicles, or crashed and snowbound cars every time the roads get icy. People really aren't that interested in careful winter driving, as the thrill of having your buddy pull you out with a rope tied to a truck is more fun. The most interesting thing is, that nobody bats an eye if you leave your upside down vehicle in a snow bank for days on end--as they know you are just out looking for good tow-ropes....(paying money for a tow truck falls under the category of: "well look at you and your fancy tow truck"..)
Dogs
If you can't tolerate dogs, don't bother moving to Alaska. I honestly don't know anyone here who does not own at least two dogs (I think it's a state wide mandate). Even if you think you can escape them by living in Anchorage--remember that during the Iditarod dog sled race, they will bring approximately 72 dog teams into town (that's about 1,000 dogs folks). Any time you go to the grocery store, dogs sit in cars and wait for their owners--barking at you as you walk through the lot. And in more remote areas, expect to see loose dogs everywhere--they will knock over your children, eat your lunch, sniff you on hikes and be inside bars, restaurants and banks.
So are these issues you can live with? Frankly, I find sitting in an idling car surrounded by loose dogs fun, but that's just me.
Monday, December 5, 2011
You Can Cancel That Cell Phone Plan and Much More!
Are you spending too much time utilizing wireless technology? Watching too many movies, satellite TV? Video games?
Well do I have a proposition for you!
You can purchase our semi-rural Alaskan property and throw away all those techno gadgets, Netflix subscriptions, pay per view movies and other assorted technological time wasters....How does this work you may ask?
Well it's easy with our simple two step plan> Step 1--There are no cable lines or satellite reception here anyway, so that easily eliminates various digital entertainment options.
Step 2--In case you are inclined to rent videos or watch NBC (one of our three TV stations) purchasing this property will ensure that those too become unavailable to you, as you will never have a spare moment to sit in front of the boob tube again.
How's that? you may wonder. Well in the wintertime, there are hours and hours of fun to be had cleaning the freakishly long circular drive--don't worry, it's way too cold for plows, ATV's or lawn tractors to start up (no wimpy garage here, folks!) and do the job, so you'll have plenty of options to use good old fashioned sweat energy and shovels. (the shovels will break too-- added fun!) In the meantime, if the temperature happens to climb above "freeze your nose right off"--that means the ice dams are forming on the roof.
Simply take one of your six cracked shovels, climb the scary ladder, and start shoveling up high on the roof, preferably at a weird angle! The best part is--the ice will form crazy thick pools that you will need to remove utilizing some sort of heavy metal device, damaging the shingles as you work! Yippee. (keep extra shingles and a bucket of tar handy)
And it doesn't end, because as soon as the roof is clean, never fear--it will start snowing again and you can do it all over again!
Well do I have a proposition for you!
You can purchase our semi-rural Alaskan property and throw away all those techno gadgets, Netflix subscriptions, pay per view movies and other assorted technological time wasters....How does this work you may ask?
Well it's easy with our simple two step plan> Step 1--There are no cable lines or satellite reception here anyway, so that easily eliminates various digital entertainment options.
Step 2--In case you are inclined to rent videos or watch NBC (one of our three TV stations) purchasing this property will ensure that those too become unavailable to you, as you will never have a spare moment to sit in front of the boob tube again.
How's that? you may wonder. Well in the wintertime, there are hours and hours of fun to be had cleaning the freakishly long circular drive--don't worry, it's way too cold for plows, ATV's or lawn tractors to start up (no wimpy garage here, folks!) and do the job, so you'll have plenty of options to use good old fashioned sweat energy and shovels. (the shovels will break too-- added fun!) In the meantime, if the temperature happens to climb above "freeze your nose right off"--that means the ice dams are forming on the roof.
Simply take one of your six cracked shovels, climb the scary ladder, and start shoveling up high on the roof, preferably at a weird angle! The best part is--the ice will form crazy thick pools that you will need to remove utilizing some sort of heavy metal device, damaging the shingles as you work! Yippee. (keep extra shingles and a bucket of tar handy)
And it doesn't end, because as soon as the roof is clean, never fear--it will start snowing again and you can do it all over again!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Little Green Men and the Economy
So about every other day I feel like a space alien, wandering earth, puzzled and perplexed. Now and then I see there are others writing on the internet, with similar thoughts. However, I don't meet many of these fellow space aliens in person, thus questioning their actual existence....
Nevertheless, the space alien in me doesn't understand a growth economy. All these humans are running around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to save a system that never made any sense to this space alien to begin with.
You have a system based on a need for economic growth, increasing GDP. Nations have no choice but to grow their economy and encourage the increasing world population to consume more. This is basically what makes the economic world go around. So you have all these Westerners that already have everything they need, but you need to encourage them to have more, go into debt. Nobody seems to recognize the absurdity of an average 1950's home growing from 983 square to 2,349 foot home in 2004. Or an average American woman now owning 19 pairs of shoes, while living in a household that owns 2.28 vehicles.....
The craziness is--if you needed to build homes twice as large, or buy two times more cars, 3 times more shoes--to keep the American GDP and economy strong--what will we be doing to provide economic growth in the distant future?? I cringe when 'they' speak of "new housing development" on the radio news as an indicator of a "healthy economy"--I mean are you going to build large new homes on the moon 50 years from now?? (Skyscrapers don't provide much "growth" as you don't need a car, lawn furniture or a gigantic inflatable Santa)
And what are you going to do about the billions in the Developing world--who would also love air conditioning?? (A huge factor in increased electrical consumption) And want their own cars and large homes too! I mean are we all going to be living on cruise ships? (the oceans have room--investment alert! ;)
Are women going to own 55 pairs of shoes? Throw out their working stainless steel refrigerators monthly, in order to buy another one?
Some may argue--there are plenty of resources to go around. But are there really? Then why are Asian countries buying up farm land in Africa to feed themselves? Where is the fresh water in Texas?
It's not like I want to live in a yurt, burning cow dung for fuel myself. I enjoy creature comforts and don't necessarily want to jinx it. I am just perplexed as to how it will play out in the future, makes no sense to me....I will be departing on my space ship now....
Nevertheless, the space alien in me doesn't understand a growth economy. All these humans are running around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to save a system that never made any sense to this space alien to begin with.
You have a system based on a need for economic growth, increasing GDP. Nations have no choice but to grow their economy and encourage the increasing world population to consume more. This is basically what makes the economic world go around. So you have all these Westerners that already have everything they need, but you need to encourage them to have more, go into debt. Nobody seems to recognize the absurdity of an average 1950's home growing from 983 square to 2,349 foot home in 2004. Or an average American woman now owning 19 pairs of shoes, while living in a household that owns 2.28 vehicles.....
The craziness is--if you needed to build homes twice as large, or buy two times more cars, 3 times more shoes--to keep the American GDP and economy strong--what will we be doing to provide economic growth in the distant future?? I cringe when 'they' speak of "new housing development" on the radio news as an indicator of a "healthy economy"--I mean are you going to build large new homes on the moon 50 years from now?? (Skyscrapers don't provide much "growth" as you don't need a car, lawn furniture or a gigantic inflatable Santa)
And what are you going to do about the billions in the Developing world--who would also love air conditioning?? (A huge factor in increased electrical consumption) And want their own cars and large homes too! I mean are we all going to be living on cruise ships? (the oceans have room--investment alert! ;)
Are women going to own 55 pairs of shoes? Throw out their working stainless steel refrigerators monthly, in order to buy another one?
Some may argue--there are plenty of resources to go around. But are there really? Then why are Asian countries buying up farm land in Africa to feed themselves? Where is the fresh water in Texas?
It's not like I want to live in a yurt, burning cow dung for fuel myself. I enjoy creature comforts and don't necessarily want to jinx it. I am just perplexed as to how it will play out in the future, makes no sense to me....I will be departing on my space ship now....
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Dirty Money Anyone??
The term money laundering usually pertains to corruption and fake bank accounts, never taking into the account the more necessary form of money laundering: the kind that involves Tide and a giant washing machine...
Am I really the only one who feels completely violated every time a cashier hands me a dark, wrinkled, soft, slightly torn dollar bill?? In my household we even have a name for these overused greenbacks: skank dollars. Nobody really wants to touch the skank dollar, as it has quite obviously been to more seedy destinations than I want to go.
Every crease and stain conjures images of red eyed folks rolling joints, snorting coke and sticking good old George Washington into strippers G-strings....Not to mention all the sneezing, coughing, nose blowing and masturbation I assume average folks participate in daily. (without washing their hands afterwards.)
But nobody bats an eye as they reach into their lint and booger filled pockets to pull out one more wrinkly dollar. Immediately passed on to me, without so much of a reprieve for the germs to die off. And I'm not even being that paranoid here---science has proven that paper money contains more viruses, bacteria, dirt and drugs than anyone could imagine.
So for now I use my debit card, but when I am handed an unsavory example of a scandalized bill, I may just wash it in a pool of alcohol before handing it on....
Am I really the only one who feels completely violated every time a cashier hands me a dark, wrinkled, soft, slightly torn dollar bill?? In my household we even have a name for these overused greenbacks: skank dollars. Nobody really wants to touch the skank dollar, as it has quite obviously been to more seedy destinations than I want to go.
Every crease and stain conjures images of red eyed folks rolling joints, snorting coke and sticking good old George Washington into strippers G-strings....Not to mention all the sneezing, coughing, nose blowing and masturbation I assume average folks participate in daily. (without washing their hands afterwards.)
But nobody bats an eye as they reach into their lint and booger filled pockets to pull out one more wrinkly dollar. Immediately passed on to me, without so much of a reprieve for the germs to die off. And I'm not even being that paranoid here---science has proven that paper money contains more viruses, bacteria, dirt and drugs than anyone could imagine.
So for now I use my debit card, but when I am handed an unsavory example of a scandalized bill, I may just wash it in a pool of alcohol before handing it on....
Friday, November 18, 2011
Welcome to the Freeze Lodge
I just saw a headline referring to the gruesome Sweat Lodge death incident from a few years back. This was a horrible event, but begs the question: why would normal upper income Americans sign up to be "tortured" in order to gain spiritual enlightenment? I can sort of see the point, as I subject myself to outhouses a few times a year--then return home and give thanks to the porcelain toilet! Don't take for granted the glory of this flushing wonder!!!
So if there really is a market for purposeful hardships then I welcome all to: IcyJanes' Freeze Lodge.
I promise low rates, for the experience of sitting in my personal yard (or woods) --your choice-- during the Alaskan winter. (Today's high temp is -4) Experience the wonder of your nostrils freezing shut. I will provide a non-insulated tent, campfire wood, grill, Hebrew National Franks and a knit hat. Please bring your own gloves and snow pants.
I also don't want to harm anyone--so if you are getting weirdly sleepy out there, you can quit...please pay before quitting.
Another option would be the "Alaska Skeeter Lodge!"
This is the summer version of my back yard. See how long you can endure the grueling bites of thousands of hungry mosquitoes...Again, there will be a non-insulated tent and frankfurters provided. The hardest part is peeing around all those mosquitoes, as ass skin seems to be slightly thinner --so they really like it. Nevertheless, you will go home enlightened and very appreciative of walls and netting.
Booking now for the 2011 and 2012 season, please inquire for further details.
So if there really is a market for purposeful hardships then I welcome all to: IcyJanes' Freeze Lodge.
I promise low rates, for the experience of sitting in my personal yard (or woods) --your choice-- during the Alaskan winter. (Today's high temp is -4) Experience the wonder of your nostrils freezing shut. I will provide a non-insulated tent, campfire wood, grill, Hebrew National Franks and a knit hat. Please bring your own gloves and snow pants.
I also don't want to harm anyone--so if you are getting weirdly sleepy out there, you can quit...please pay before quitting.
Another option would be the "Alaska Skeeter Lodge!"
This is the summer version of my back yard. See how long you can endure the grueling bites of thousands of hungry mosquitoes...Again, there will be a non-insulated tent and frankfurters provided. The hardest part is peeing around all those mosquitoes, as ass skin seems to be slightly thinner --so they really like it. Nevertheless, you will go home enlightened and very appreciative of walls and netting.
Booking now for the 2011 and 2012 season, please inquire for further details.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Let Your Friends Know???
I guess this minor incident is considered ubiquitous by most, but for IcyJane in the cold Northern Woods, it was something new....
After completing a recent online purchase for Nutcracker tickets, a happy message popped on the screen. "Now that you made this purchase--let all your friends know! Share on Facebook or Tweet!"
Why? Oh Why should I?? Not that the Nutcracker is an everyday event, but why would I bother my "friends" with this information??
Does everyone these days have really lame friends? Who wants to know this information? If you are going to the Nutcracker--good for you, but I don't want to know. And please don't contact me about it.
I understand it is a marketing trick--"IcyJane is going to the Nutcracker--so should you." But if you are going, just because I am (and not by your own interest) then you are too unoriginal to be my friend, and I would unfriend you anyway. Obviously I do not understand social networking...
After completing a recent online purchase for Nutcracker tickets, a happy message popped on the screen. "Now that you made this purchase--let all your friends know! Share on Facebook or Tweet!"
Why? Oh Why should I?? Not that the Nutcracker is an everyday event, but why would I bother my "friends" with this information??
Does everyone these days have really lame friends? Who wants to know this information? If you are going to the Nutcracker--good for you, but I don't want to know. And please don't contact me about it.
I understand it is a marketing trick--"IcyJane is going to the Nutcracker--so should you." But if you are going, just because I am (and not by your own interest) then you are too unoriginal to be my friend, and I would unfriend you anyway. Obviously I do not understand social networking...
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
What the Dog Told Me
I have two dogs at home, one is a typical fuzzy and friendly canis familiaris, the other has been described as a "feral, mysterious bitch".
Now the feral bitch is not often liked. She obsesses over pack order, house rules and domination. As the Alpha bitch, she regularly engages in rape upon the more dopey male dog of the household. She would actually prefer it if he just died, and exhibits this often by trying to drink all of his water to the point of bursting. She regularly shows off her powers over the weaker dog-- by yanking his tail, blocking his way and being generally fearless.
Now I asked this Alpha bitch, if she knew all along that pack order increased the wolves genetic resilience. She just looked at me and said, "duh-- sympathy for the weak leads to the elimination of your species."
Yikes!! I did not want to know this. Good grief. Us human animals who often strive to be humane, are actually genetically wired to eliminate the weak. Thus our tendency to bully those that are different or vote the Tea Party line.
I can hear the conservative caucus howling in their dens.....
Now the feral bitch is not often liked. She obsesses over pack order, house rules and domination. As the Alpha bitch, she regularly engages in rape upon the more dopey male dog of the household. She would actually prefer it if he just died, and exhibits this often by trying to drink all of his water to the point of bursting. She regularly shows off her powers over the weaker dog-- by yanking his tail, blocking his way and being generally fearless.
Now I asked this Alpha bitch, if she knew all along that pack order increased the wolves genetic resilience. She just looked at me and said, "duh-- sympathy for the weak leads to the elimination of your species."
Yikes!! I did not want to know this. Good grief. Us human animals who often strive to be humane, are actually genetically wired to eliminate the weak. Thus our tendency to bully those that are different or vote the Tea Party line.
I can hear the conservative caucus howling in their dens.....
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Inspirational Radioactive Wolves
When I think of unspoiled wilderness, I often mentally refer to the Chronicles of Narnia. This children's book series so beautifully illustrates a world before human influence and destruction. A simpler, greener time, when the animals roamed free and the land was pure.
From my understanding, many ruined ancient civilizations across the globe are the result of ecosystem destruction, followed by fleeing of the destroyers (i.e. homo sapiens) and a gradual return of the land to its natural state.
Alas, us silly humans are at it again: this time the destruction was nuclear (i.e. Chernobyl), the people left, and surprise! the wilderness returned...
What joy to watch the "radioactive wolves" story on PBS, as the Canis Lupus flourish and howl atop abandoned buildings within the hot zone. The Russian scientists seem a bit perplexed at this new nature preserve and study it closely. They even shipped bison to the area as the animals seem to do well there. The observable birth defect rate amongst these animals, although increased, was in fact lower that one would assume (no, this is not pure Narnia after all) but nevertheless, it's the best today's wildlife can hope for.
Of course the question proposed by all this is: how come this low level radiation affects the animals minimally? I believe the answer lies in the November Discover magazine. Sperm. Humans with their humanity (or is it perversion??) allow everyone to mate. Weak, tall, small, smart, dumb, old-- you name it--we'll allow it. Thus the genetic material sent forth in our sperm is becoming increasingly weaker. Nevertheless, the "cruel" (wiser?) animal world, only allows the strongest to mate. The alpha wolves have the babies, and everyone else in the pack is assigned babysitting duties only!
Of course this is only my theory, and only time will tell if the birth defects increase as the animals continue to reproduce in this radiated area. But in the meantime--I finally have hope, that the animals will prevail and outsmart us after all.
From my understanding, many ruined ancient civilizations across the globe are the result of ecosystem destruction, followed by fleeing of the destroyers (i.e. homo sapiens) and a gradual return of the land to its natural state.
Alas, us silly humans are at it again: this time the destruction was nuclear (i.e. Chernobyl), the people left, and surprise! the wilderness returned...
What joy to watch the "radioactive wolves" story on PBS, as the Canis Lupus flourish and howl atop abandoned buildings within the hot zone. The Russian scientists seem a bit perplexed at this new nature preserve and study it closely. They even shipped bison to the area as the animals seem to do well there. The observable birth defect rate amongst these animals, although increased, was in fact lower that one would assume (no, this is not pure Narnia after all) but nevertheless, it's the best today's wildlife can hope for.
Of course the question proposed by all this is: how come this low level radiation affects the animals minimally? I believe the answer lies in the November Discover magazine. Sperm. Humans with their humanity (or is it perversion??) allow everyone to mate. Weak, tall, small, smart, dumb, old-- you name it--we'll allow it. Thus the genetic material sent forth in our sperm is becoming increasingly weaker. Nevertheless, the "cruel" (wiser?) animal world, only allows the strongest to mate. The alpha wolves have the babies, and everyone else in the pack is assigned babysitting duties only!
Of course this is only my theory, and only time will tell if the birth defects increase as the animals continue to reproduce in this radiated area. But in the meantime--I finally have hope, that the animals will prevail and outsmart us after all.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Not Impressed With Your Stress
There are so many unspoken tidbits in our everyday existence, that I want to let at least one cat out of the bag. One of these is my fellow humans (mostly in the Lower 48) that complain about fast, busy, stressful lives. The hidden lie behind these "complaints" is that they are actually bragging.
Let me be clear, I am not speaking of those that can barely keep their head above water.
No, what I speak of are the ex-burb McMansion dwellers, that don't have enough time to sit back and enjoy their fluorescent green Chemlawn saturated back yards. They are running, running around instead -- from daycare to lessons to offices, stuck in their climate controlled BMW's in a never ending traffic jam. You see, their dirty little secret is that they feel superior to "unstressed people", as their over-scheduled lifestyles and raccoon eyed children are clear indicators of their hardworking moral superiority.
They can pat themselves on the back each evening, knowing that a personal existential crisis has been averted-- due to their busy schedules. Obviously, someone with a 60 hour work week, bleary eyed children and a 4,000 square foot house is more important to the universe than someone that drives a Kia, works 40 hours as a clerk and lives in a small ranch. Right?
Let me be clear, I am not speaking of those that can barely keep their head above water.
No, what I speak of are the ex-burb McMansion dwellers, that don't have enough time to sit back and enjoy their fluorescent green Chemlawn saturated back yards. They are running, running around instead -- from daycare to lessons to offices, stuck in their climate controlled BMW's in a never ending traffic jam. You see, their dirty little secret is that they feel superior to "unstressed people", as their over-scheduled lifestyles and raccoon eyed children are clear indicators of their hardworking moral superiority.
They can pat themselves on the back each evening, knowing that a personal existential crisis has been averted-- due to their busy schedules. Obviously, someone with a 60 hour work week, bleary eyed children and a 4,000 square foot house is more important to the universe than someone that drives a Kia, works 40 hours as a clerk and lives in a small ranch. Right?
Monday, October 17, 2011
The Icy Way to Riches
Ok, this post is a trick. There is no quick way to wealth, but I can make you feel rich in five simple steps.
1- Go to: www.Globalrichlist.com. Type in your salary, pension, allowance or the pennies you find behind the couch and see what pops up. Most likely if you are well off enough to own a computer, you will be amazed by the global standing results. Instant success!
2- Ditch your neighbors. Not as easy as the rich list, but should be tried. Sell that house cheap and fast, then quickly move to the poorest neighborhood you can find. Ideally it is very rural, containing plenty of abandoned cars in the front yards. Play "Keep Up With the Joneses" with your new neighbors. Surprise!--you are the Joneses!
3- Read up on the economic situation in Africa, almost any article will do. If that doesn't have you kissing the soil you are upon, perhaps you are a lost cause....
4- Find New Friends. This step is for those people who happen to surround themselves with ridiculous peer groups. How do you means test your current social network??
Ask yourself: do my friends speak mostly about troubles involving swimming pool filters, small dogs and German engineering? Then find new folk, that don't make you aspire to craziness. Seek out new friends at the Salvation Army, soup kitchen or local park at night.
5- Play "Little House on the Prairie". Go to the basement and find the water shut off valve and turn it off. Then switch off the breakers for all your electricity. Figure out what to do next. Ideally you will fill up a whole day, locating drinking water and candles. Turn the water and electricity back on in 12 hours. Be mesmerized by the flushing toilet. Repeat as needed.
1- Go to: www.Globalrichlist.com. Type in your salary, pension, allowance or the pennies you find behind the couch and see what pops up. Most likely if you are well off enough to own a computer, you will be amazed by the global standing results. Instant success!
2- Ditch your neighbors. Not as easy as the rich list, but should be tried. Sell that house cheap and fast, then quickly move to the poorest neighborhood you can find. Ideally it is very rural, containing plenty of abandoned cars in the front yards. Play "Keep Up With the Joneses" with your new neighbors. Surprise!--you are the Joneses!
3- Read up on the economic situation in Africa, almost any article will do. If that doesn't have you kissing the soil you are upon, perhaps you are a lost cause....
4- Find New Friends. This step is for those people who happen to surround themselves with ridiculous peer groups. How do you means test your current social network??
Ask yourself: do my friends speak mostly about troubles involving swimming pool filters, small dogs and German engineering? Then find new folk, that don't make you aspire to craziness. Seek out new friends at the Salvation Army, soup kitchen or local park at night.
5- Play "Little House on the Prairie". Go to the basement and find the water shut off valve and turn it off. Then switch off the breakers for all your electricity. Figure out what to do next. Ideally you will fill up a whole day, locating drinking water and candles. Turn the water and electricity back on in 12 hours. Be mesmerized by the flushing toilet. Repeat as needed.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Country Neighbors
Last week was a week full of neighbor obstacles and antics. I don't know how I even wind up encountering neighbors, when we have acres of land around us to buffer them out, but they seem to find us somehow.
We began the week by accidentally finding our that whenever we leave weird large objects at the end of our drive with a "Free" sign"--the magical place these items get "repurposed" to, is our neighbors clutter filled mountain lot. Great. I really didn't want to know that our old tires, tables and gasoline jugs have simply relocated themselves to enjoy an endless life as lawn ornaments up the road.
A few days go by and I encountered a different neighbor upon our property. An older gentleman that I have met before, as I have reluctantly given him permission to walk his dogs regularly on our private property. He told me he appreciated the access to our private trail, and I responded kindly-- stating it was all good, as long as his dogs were not making 'those holes'.
Now the mystery holes, are a scourge upon our land. Our property runs along a river, and at the lowest point, we painstakingly removed trees, stumps, moved rocks and brought up buckets of sand. All for the sole purpose of building ourselves a bench and open BBQ area near the water. Over the past two years, at regular intervals, I would go down to our picnic spot and find massive holes dug into the sand around the grill and surrounding areas. Dirt would be everywhere, scattered about amongst 5 to 10 ugly crevasses. I would curse the weird animal making these pits, but nevertheless would get the wheelbarrow and fill them up again with dirt, raking the area smooth afterwards. But alas! The holes always return! As the dirt is rock hard by the riverbed, this project takes about two hours to complete and I break quite a sweat. I then cover the soil with curry powder, Listerine and pepper flakes to discourage the digger. This works, up until the rain washes away my weird pepper souffle.
So imagine my surprise when the old neighbor admitted, that yes--his dog enjoys digging those holes. He assumed the river magically filled them up again. I was speechless and perplexed--I didn't even explain that I was the "magic river" filling the holes again and again. Apparently creating a moonscape on your neighbors property is simply a matter of differing perspective..
We began the week by accidentally finding our that whenever we leave weird large objects at the end of our drive with a "Free" sign"--the magical place these items get "repurposed" to, is our neighbors clutter filled mountain lot. Great. I really didn't want to know that our old tires, tables and gasoline jugs have simply relocated themselves to enjoy an endless life as lawn ornaments up the road.
A few days go by and I encountered a different neighbor upon our property. An older gentleman that I have met before, as I have reluctantly given him permission to walk his dogs regularly on our private property. He told me he appreciated the access to our private trail, and I responded kindly-- stating it was all good, as long as his dogs were not making 'those holes'.
Now the mystery holes, are a scourge upon our land. Our property runs along a river, and at the lowest point, we painstakingly removed trees, stumps, moved rocks and brought up buckets of sand. All for the sole purpose of building ourselves a bench and open BBQ area near the water. Over the past two years, at regular intervals, I would go down to our picnic spot and find massive holes dug into the sand around the grill and surrounding areas. Dirt would be everywhere, scattered about amongst 5 to 10 ugly crevasses. I would curse the weird animal making these pits, but nevertheless would get the wheelbarrow and fill them up again with dirt, raking the area smooth afterwards. But alas! The holes always return! As the dirt is rock hard by the riverbed, this project takes about two hours to complete and I break quite a sweat. I then cover the soil with curry powder, Listerine and pepper flakes to discourage the digger. This works, up until the rain washes away my weird pepper souffle.
So imagine my surprise when the old neighbor admitted, that yes--his dog enjoys digging those holes. He assumed the river magically filled them up again. I was speechless and perplexed--I didn't even explain that I was the "magic river" filling the holes again and again. Apparently creating a moonscape on your neighbors property is simply a matter of differing perspective..
Sunday, September 18, 2011
My Own Thermostat Challenge
I read about it all the time in various homesteader and eco-minded publications--"the great thermostat challenge." The gist of it is usually the same: how low can you go?? Can you handle turning your home's temp down from 72 to 68 or whatever? Can you put on more socks instead of heat?
Well I have my own challenge this year, and it's quite the opposite. Can I handle turning the thermostat up???
I propose this challenge for my own family not because we like to waste energy or money, but simply because we want to live through the winter. The family of Icy Jane would win the silly thermostat challenge almost every stinkin year. Simply because we reside in a sunless arctic climate, where the temperature is known to hover somewhere around -18 F for weeks at a time. We get zero solar / sun heat for the four coldest months, and have an old claptrap home, that is just plain futile to try and insulate.
The resulting situation is as follows: we heat with wood at night and turn off the "stove" (the only mechanical heat source in the house is one propane monitor stove in the living room). Of course by 7:00am, even with an awesome wood stove--the temp in the living room is back down to 48 by morning (or much lower--the thermostat indoors stops at 48). Not to mention the unheated bedrooms, which usually have ice in all the closets. It is quite amazing to include shaking ice off clothing as part of ones' morning ritual. Then we all jump up and down and complain for five minutes while huddling in front of the monitor stove. (including the dogs that run in frisky manic circles)
Getting too close to this little power house stove results in weird burns on my back, but it's a small price to pay, in order to actually feel heat.. After putting on two pairs of socks (one wool), long underwear and sweaters, we hop around the house some more times and continue complaining.
I do set the stove to 62 degrees--but that seems to be the temperature only in the living room. The dining room usually hovers around 52. We actually have friends in Anchorage who have told us point blank, that they refuse to come to our arctic hell hole for dinner. (they did try, bless their hearts, to pack slippers and sweaters a few times)
So our new lifestyle of choice is seeing if we can handle setting the monitor stove to 66 instead of 62! The thought of it seems so luxurious and foreign I don't know if I can handle it at all. It will certainly cost us more money, and even at 66, the bedrooms will still be icy....but if I have the gall, I may just try it this winter.
Well I have my own challenge this year, and it's quite the opposite. Can I handle turning the thermostat up???
I propose this challenge for my own family not because we like to waste energy or money, but simply because we want to live through the winter. The family of Icy Jane would win the silly thermostat challenge almost every stinkin year. Simply because we reside in a sunless arctic climate, where the temperature is known to hover somewhere around -18 F for weeks at a time. We get zero solar / sun heat for the four coldest months, and have an old claptrap home, that is just plain futile to try and insulate.
The resulting situation is as follows: we heat with wood at night and turn off the "stove" (the only mechanical heat source in the house is one propane monitor stove in the living room). Of course by 7:00am, even with an awesome wood stove--the temp in the living room is back down to 48 by morning (or much lower--the thermostat indoors stops at 48). Not to mention the unheated bedrooms, which usually have ice in all the closets. It is quite amazing to include shaking ice off clothing as part of ones' morning ritual. Then we all jump up and down and complain for five minutes while huddling in front of the monitor stove. (including the dogs that run in frisky manic circles)
Getting too close to this little power house stove results in weird burns on my back, but it's a small price to pay, in order to actually feel heat.. After putting on two pairs of socks (one wool), long underwear and sweaters, we hop around the house some more times and continue complaining.
I do set the stove to 62 degrees--but that seems to be the temperature only in the living room. The dining room usually hovers around 52. We actually have friends in Anchorage who have told us point blank, that they refuse to come to our arctic hell hole for dinner. (they did try, bless their hearts, to pack slippers and sweaters a few times)
So our new lifestyle of choice is seeing if we can handle setting the monitor stove to 66 instead of 62! The thought of it seems so luxurious and foreign I don't know if I can handle it at all. It will certainly cost us more money, and even at 66, the bedrooms will still be icy....but if I have the gall, I may just try it this winter.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Survival of the Fittest
So the Tea Party finally let their true colors show during the Republican debate. Cheering loss of life, due to lack of health insurance, was the sort of thing I knew they were up to all along.
They already unabashedly support Ayn Rands writings, who has no problem whatsoever proclaiming that the incompetent and weak should just go away and die already.
Yet what still puzzles me is this --why is the Tea Party mixing it up with the Right wing? How can you be pro-life and anti Medicaid and Medicare?? Who do you think pays for unwanted, uninsured children? Especially those with complex and expensive medical conditions? It makes no sense at all. Religious anti-abortionists, insisting disabled persons should just suck it up and pay their own way. I heard Ron Paul expressing the idea that charity and doctors in general could somehow cover the medical costs of the uninsured-- but I'm sorry to say, anyone who thinks that hasn't got a clue.
Not that I don't think people wouldn't offer to help the sick and disabled--it's just that they don't seem to understand that this population is increasing (and fast). With advances in medicine and technology--people are living with substantially more complex medical issues and costs they can't afford. There is a compassionate segment of society that understands this, and is willing to pay their share through taxes. But obviously the Tea Party has come up with their own budget minded solution: just let them die.
They already unabashedly support Ayn Rands writings, who has no problem whatsoever proclaiming that the incompetent and weak should just go away and die already.
Yet what still puzzles me is this --why is the Tea Party mixing it up with the Right wing? How can you be pro-life and anti Medicaid and Medicare?? Who do you think pays for unwanted, uninsured children? Especially those with complex and expensive medical conditions? It makes no sense at all. Religious anti-abortionists, insisting disabled persons should just suck it up and pay their own way. I heard Ron Paul expressing the idea that charity and doctors in general could somehow cover the medical costs of the uninsured-- but I'm sorry to say, anyone who thinks that hasn't got a clue.
Not that I don't think people wouldn't offer to help the sick and disabled--it's just that they don't seem to understand that this population is increasing (and fast). With advances in medicine and technology--people are living with substantially more complex medical issues and costs they can't afford. There is a compassionate segment of society that understands this, and is willing to pay their share through taxes. But obviously the Tea Party has come up with their own budget minded solution: just let them die.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Crazy Busy Post Office
The depressing news of the United States Post Office becoming obsolete (not to mention bankrupt) is everywhere today. I can certainly understand that some people have no need for it anymore--I too have suffered annoyance at opening my rural P.O. box, only to find boring bills and ridiculous political fliers inside. What's the use??
But alas, there are a few Alaskan post offices worth a visit if you don't believe they are still being utilized.
Example one: the Wasilla Post Office. Holy chickens! You can't even find a parking spot at this place, the line is slower than a snail, and everybody chats it up. Once you get through the grueling line of about 30 people, be prepared for the friendly but overly-thorough postal clerks.
Another Post Office: Palmer, AK. Palmer is the Mat-Su borough seat, so for some reason all the rural mail from Matanuska Glacier to Eklutna seems to go through here. (an area roughly the size of West Virginia)
Nevertheless, it is a common joke to meet up at the post office, especially at Christmas time --as everyone, and I mean EVERYONE will be in that line. It's the nuttiest thing ever, the line goes out the door, down the hall and the last unlucky person is smashed up against the emergency exit. I once cried at this post office, when a postal clerk told me to go to the back of the line, after I had filled out the wrong customs form.
Of course the reason for these crazy lines is due to packages. Everyone in Alaska is always sending some sort of box or receiving weird shaped items from mail order catalogs. At times, I do hear people mucking up the line by asking for money orders, or processing their passport papers to get into neighboring Canada.
If you really want to help out the Postal Service and their budget woes, buy something online that's made in Alaska, and have it shipped via USPS. Most Alaskans will begrudgingly endure hours of lines and post office chit chat, just to get you your package on time....
But alas, there are a few Alaskan post offices worth a visit if you don't believe they are still being utilized.
Example one: the Wasilla Post Office. Holy chickens! You can't even find a parking spot at this place, the line is slower than a snail, and everybody chats it up. Once you get through the grueling line of about 30 people, be prepared for the friendly but overly-thorough postal clerks.
Another Post Office: Palmer, AK. Palmer is the Mat-Su borough seat, so for some reason all the rural mail from Matanuska Glacier to Eklutna seems to go through here. (an area roughly the size of West Virginia)
Nevertheless, it is a common joke to meet up at the post office, especially at Christmas time --as everyone, and I mean EVERYONE will be in that line. It's the nuttiest thing ever, the line goes out the door, down the hall and the last unlucky person is smashed up against the emergency exit. I once cried at this post office, when a postal clerk told me to go to the back of the line, after I had filled out the wrong customs form.
Of course the reason for these crazy lines is due to packages. Everyone in Alaska is always sending some sort of box or receiving weird shaped items from mail order catalogs. At times, I do hear people mucking up the line by asking for money orders, or processing their passport papers to get into neighboring Canada.
If you really want to help out the Postal Service and their budget woes, buy something online that's made in Alaska, and have it shipped via USPS. Most Alaskans will begrudgingly endure hours of lines and post office chit chat, just to get you your package on time....
Monday, August 29, 2011
Telephone Book Woes
One day they just appeared. Our homes' strange circular driveway, with three different exit points, doesn't necessarily look conventional or make any sense. Nevertheless, that is no excuse for GCI Yellowpages to deposit two telephone books at the end of each of these driveways!
But there they were--6 telephone books total, all officially dumped and unwanted on our private property.
First I called GCI directly--they explained that they have nothing to do with telephone book delivery, and directed me to another number. (seriously, nothing to do with your own book?)
So I proceeded to call the phone book delivery agency, and they too directed me to another number. This 3rd number was actually more productive, as the lady on the other end apologized and said they would be by in a few days to pick up the unwanted 'materials'.
So I stacked the phone books neatly at the end of one driveway to await their departure.
Alas, three weeks went by, and nobody ever came by for the neglected telephone books. At this point, the relentless Alaskan rain had also soaked right through their crappy plastic wrap--resulting in a soggy, yellow mess.
I called the delivery/pick up number once again--and no real surprise here--a message informed me that this number was now out of service.
Ok, next plan. The dump would cost me $$ and wasn't the eco-choice, so I contacted recycling. They would of course take them, but again at a fee. They also rip them up into smaller pieces by hand, so the books needed to be dry.
Yikes, my books were wet and gross to boot. So on the next sunny day, I spread them out on the lawn to dry. The darn things started to dry, but not really. So I tried again, and again. But by the 4th try I realized these thick soggy suckers were not going to dry out. Instead they were developing mold and mildew--even better. These were not items I could conscientiously bring to our happy volunteer-run recycling center.
Now, our large rural property happens to have a strange sink hole. We don't know why, but it's about 4 feet wide and five feet deep. It's sort of off a trail, and not really noticeable. Nevertheless, it would probably be a good idea to begin filling it. Low and behold I happened to have 6 biodegradable telephone books handy.
I hauled the heavy, moldy books off to the sink hole---dumped them in and said good bye once and for all. I sort of neglected to tell my husband of this disposal plan, as I knew he didn't share my vision for what sort of items were "compostable" and thought paper goods should not be merrily hidden in the woods somewhere. Well I figured the leaves would soon cover up the contents of the sink hole anyway, so what was the point of telling him?
This past weekend we drove to Whittier to pick salmon berries. As we drove along the dirt road to the trail head, we dodged quite a few puddles and pot holes. I casually mentioned to my husband to maybe drive around the enormous puddles instead of through them, stating: "you know I get nervous going through deep puddles, as you never know what could be at the bottom". He turned to me and smiled, replying: "like a pile of phone books?"
But there they were--6 telephone books total, all officially dumped and unwanted on our private property.
First I called GCI directly--they explained that they have nothing to do with telephone book delivery, and directed me to another number. (seriously, nothing to do with your own book?)
So I proceeded to call the phone book delivery agency, and they too directed me to another number. This 3rd number was actually more productive, as the lady on the other end apologized and said they would be by in a few days to pick up the unwanted 'materials'.
So I stacked the phone books neatly at the end of one driveway to await their departure.
Alas, three weeks went by, and nobody ever came by for the neglected telephone books. At this point, the relentless Alaskan rain had also soaked right through their crappy plastic wrap--resulting in a soggy, yellow mess.
I called the delivery/pick up number once again--and no real surprise here--a message informed me that this number was now out of service.
Ok, next plan. The dump would cost me $$ and wasn't the eco-choice, so I contacted recycling. They would of course take them, but again at a fee. They also rip them up into smaller pieces by hand, so the books needed to be dry.
Yikes, my books were wet and gross to boot. So on the next sunny day, I spread them out on the lawn to dry. The darn things started to dry, but not really. So I tried again, and again. But by the 4th try I realized these thick soggy suckers were not going to dry out. Instead they were developing mold and mildew--even better. These were not items I could conscientiously bring to our happy volunteer-run recycling center.
Now, our large rural property happens to have a strange sink hole. We don't know why, but it's about 4 feet wide and five feet deep. It's sort of off a trail, and not really noticeable. Nevertheless, it would probably be a good idea to begin filling it. Low and behold I happened to have 6 biodegradable telephone books handy.
I hauled the heavy, moldy books off to the sink hole---dumped them in and said good bye once and for all. I sort of neglected to tell my husband of this disposal plan, as I knew he didn't share my vision for what sort of items were "compostable" and thought paper goods should not be merrily hidden in the woods somewhere. Well I figured the leaves would soon cover up the contents of the sink hole anyway, so what was the point of telling him?
This past weekend we drove to Whittier to pick salmon berries. As we drove along the dirt road to the trail head, we dodged quite a few puddles and pot holes. I casually mentioned to my husband to maybe drive around the enormous puddles instead of through them, stating: "you know I get nervous going through deep puddles, as you never know what could be at the bottom". He turned to me and smiled, replying: "like a pile of phone books?"
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Alaska Slip and Slide
For quite some time now, we have been doing the Alaska homestead thing. Not to the point of cutting off our electricity and consuming only moose meat. But more like 'homesteading lite'-- berry picking, growing whatever vegetable may survive relentless rain, and heating our drafty little home with wood.
The problem is, the wood thing is getting tiresome.
I do have a foggy recollection of the previous occupants saying something about how nice it was to finally pull out the old wood stove and get some modern oil heat...but that just sounded like old timer talk, nothing to heed as we ran out and stuck a new wood stove back in the house.
To be frank --it's actually a beautiful thing--our modern stove, with low smoke & odor. It's also one of the nicest ways to spend those relentless 18 hour Alaska nights--cuddling by the stove, doing puzzles, watching TV.
The problem is-- those darn cords of wood. People who romanticize wood burning just don't understand how large a cord of wood is (I just looked it up--128 cubic feet). And you need at least that much wood if you want a full month of burn time in a drafty Alaskan house.
There is the process of wood cutting, measuring, splitting with a maul, etc. until you get to stacking. Stacking a cord of birch is like playing Jenga with 15 pound weights. The whole pile can easily topple over on your foot, hand or other body part--leaving you no choice but to start again, except now you have an injury. On top of that--this year's wood pile happened to have interesting molds and mushroom growths, along with the occasional weird ass giant bug. Speaking of bugs, the worst of course are the ubiquitous mosquitoes--stinging happily along your sweaty hair line, as you are stacking said wood.
Last Saturday we were partaking in this family fun fest, and the temperature actually rose to a balmy 72 degrees. On a sunny Alaskan day, 72 easily gets too hot to continue endlessly with wood work. Thus a diversion was set up--the Slip and Slide.
There really is nothing that unusual about setting up a Slip and Slide--just attach the garden hose and you are good to go. This particular model also happened to have a small wading pool that filled at the bottom of the slide--for added splash fun. I chose to sit out the actual sliding part--(heeding the warning about the risk of life long disability) -however I did stick my feet into the wading pool part. As usual I felt the shock of our well water take over, turn my legs red and force me to leap out of the frigid water. I was watching the others purposely slide repeatedly into this pool of glacial water--and decided it was time to measure the water's temperature. Our spring is fed from a glacial river, originating from a large prehistoric ice chunk just 11 miles upriver. We have often wondered, just what temperature was the water feeding the sprinkler, faucet and wading pool? Seemed unusually chilly. So I finally stuck a good thermometer into the Slip and Slide pool--and low and behold watched it drop to a nice and balmy 39 degrees F. Do they call child services for stuff like that in the Lower 48?
The problem is, the wood thing is getting tiresome.
I do have a foggy recollection of the previous occupants saying something about how nice it was to finally pull out the old wood stove and get some modern oil heat...but that just sounded like old timer talk, nothing to heed as we ran out and stuck a new wood stove back in the house.
To be frank --it's actually a beautiful thing--our modern stove, with low smoke & odor. It's also one of the nicest ways to spend those relentless 18 hour Alaska nights--cuddling by the stove, doing puzzles, watching TV.
The problem is-- those darn cords of wood. People who romanticize wood burning just don't understand how large a cord of wood is (I just looked it up--128 cubic feet). And you need at least that much wood if you want a full month of burn time in a drafty Alaskan house.
There is the process of wood cutting, measuring, splitting with a maul, etc. until you get to stacking. Stacking a cord of birch is like playing Jenga with 15 pound weights. The whole pile can easily topple over on your foot, hand or other body part--leaving you no choice but to start again, except now you have an injury. On top of that--this year's wood pile happened to have interesting molds and mushroom growths, along with the occasional weird ass giant bug. Speaking of bugs, the worst of course are the ubiquitous mosquitoes--stinging happily along your sweaty hair line, as you are stacking said wood.
Last Saturday we were partaking in this family fun fest, and the temperature actually rose to a balmy 72 degrees. On a sunny Alaskan day, 72 easily gets too hot to continue endlessly with wood work. Thus a diversion was set up--the Slip and Slide.
There really is nothing that unusual about setting up a Slip and Slide--just attach the garden hose and you are good to go. This particular model also happened to have a small wading pool that filled at the bottom of the slide--for added splash fun. I chose to sit out the actual sliding part--(heeding the warning about the risk of life long disability) -however I did stick my feet into the wading pool part. As usual I felt the shock of our well water take over, turn my legs red and force me to leap out of the frigid water. I was watching the others purposely slide repeatedly into this pool of glacial water--and decided it was time to measure the water's temperature. Our spring is fed from a glacial river, originating from a large prehistoric ice chunk just 11 miles upriver. We have often wondered, just what temperature was the water feeding the sprinkler, faucet and wading pool? Seemed unusually chilly. So I finally stuck a good thermometer into the Slip and Slide pool--and low and behold watched it drop to a nice and balmy 39 degrees F. Do they call child services for stuff like that in the Lower 48?
Monday, June 20, 2011
Gluten, Dairy, Egg Free Rhubarb Pie
I was recently challenged to harvest the vast amounts of rhubarb from our yard and create an allergen free pie. Somehow, to my own amazement, a very good dessert came out of it. Here's the recipe:
Ingredients:
One 8oz. package gluten free cinnamon cookies (we used Jo-Sef Brand)
2 1/2 cups minced fresh rhubarb
one 11 oz. jar strawberry preserves
1 or 1 1/4 cup sugar (more to taste)
1/2 teaspoon salt
Topping:
approx. 2 tablespoons shortening (whatever you like--butter, lard, oil)
1 tablespoon cinnamon
3 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons tapioca flour
Crush about 6 oz. or 3/4 of the box of cinnamon cookies into crumbs.
Spread these crumbs along the bottom of a pie tin or pie pan.
Mix together the minced rhubarb, strawberry preserves, sugar and salt.
Pour this mixture over the cookie crumb crust.
In a small stove top pot (cooking at low heat) combine shortening, brown sugar, tapioca flour and cinnamon. Let it melt and mix together, then sprinkle over the rhubarb filling evenly. It's ok if it doesn't coat completely, and add more sugar/cinnamon or flour to taste.
Cook in preheated oven at 425 F (uncovered) for 10 minutes.
Lower heat to 350 and bake an additional 40 minutes.
Let cool and serve with rice cream or ice cream.
Ingredients:
One 8oz. package gluten free cinnamon cookies (we used Jo-Sef Brand)
2 1/2 cups minced fresh rhubarb
one 11 oz. jar strawberry preserves
1 or 1 1/4 cup sugar (more to taste)
1/2 teaspoon salt
Topping:
approx. 2 tablespoons shortening (whatever you like--butter, lard, oil)
1 tablespoon cinnamon
3 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons tapioca flour
Crush about 6 oz. or 3/4 of the box of cinnamon cookies into crumbs.
Spread these crumbs along the bottom of a pie tin or pie pan.
Mix together the minced rhubarb, strawberry preserves, sugar and salt.
Pour this mixture over the cookie crumb crust.
In a small stove top pot (cooking at low heat) combine shortening, brown sugar, tapioca flour and cinnamon. Let it melt and mix together, then sprinkle over the rhubarb filling evenly. It's ok if it doesn't coat completely, and add more sugar/cinnamon or flour to taste.
Cook in preheated oven at 425 F (uncovered) for 10 minutes.
Lower heat to 350 and bake an additional 40 minutes.
Let cool and serve with rice cream or ice cream.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
I'm From Alaska and Running for President
So I hear the crazy lady "formerly" from Wasilla, Alaska is now stating she has some sort of presidential belly indigestion. Well good for her. That makes me, an Alaskan woman, ready to run for president as well.
What does Sarah have that I can't top??
Alaskan address, in "real American" town--got that.
Tan--yes, it's been sunny up here all week long.
Looks--I've never been called ugly.
Loud & Opinionated--very much so, especially with a few glasses of wine, I could speak at the RNC.
Ability to quit serious jobs at a moments notice--this will be tougher for me, but I can do it.
College degree-- got mine and an MS in the same time it took her to get a bachelors, but maybe the masses won't notice my 'elitism'.
Ability to walk in very high heels--I just tried this one--and yes I can!
So there you have it, I am fully qualified. Where do I sign up??
What does Sarah have that I can't top??
Alaskan address, in "real American" town--got that.
Tan--yes, it's been sunny up here all week long.
Looks--I've never been called ugly.
Loud & Opinionated--very much so, especially with a few glasses of wine, I could speak at the RNC.
Ability to quit serious jobs at a moments notice--this will be tougher for me, but I can do it.
College degree-- got mine and an MS in the same time it took her to get a bachelors, but maybe the masses won't notice my 'elitism'.
Ability to walk in very high heels--I just tried this one--and yes I can!
So there you have it, I am fully qualified. Where do I sign up??
Monday, April 11, 2011
Reading the Red Rags
I somehow stumbled upon some sort of right wing red state website today. It called itself "red" something which I know symbolizes the red conservative states, but I secretly find funny, as the "reds" historically means communists....but I regress.
I read through the conservative drivel mostly out of curiosity, as to their reasons for wanting to eliminate the Department of Education, Health and Human Services, Agriculture and what have you. Basically all government officials that don't use guns. As we know, only people with guns have any real purpose.
But anyway, what I was most awe struck by, was the last part of this red-writing that stated the Democrats and their liberal social programs are meant to keep people in poverty. In other words, as long as Democrats keep poor people on the public cow of food stamps and "welfare" then the Democrats will continue to have a liberal voting base.
Whoever writes this stuff really needs to meet some of these so called "welfare recipients". In my opinion, real welfare ended in the Clinton era. Having worked with this population, I remember not too long ago in the state of Alaska, a grown man was eligible for $12 per month in food stamps. And a mother with a baby got like $200 a month (but I can't remember exactly). Do Conservatives really feel those small amounts of money change people's view of anything at all?? Quite frankly, many of the impoverished people I met were completely apolitical. It just didn't interest them. And to say something like food stamps or a housing voucher perpetuate the cycle of poverty cracks me up.
People on food stamps are quite aware their situation sucks. They aren't going around bragging and driving fancy cars. Quite possibly there was more of this problem in the 80's, but it's not like that anymore. The impoverished (rural) populations I worked with usually had crappy circumstances such as emotional issues, anger problems, lack of clean laundry, no reliable transportation, lack of plumbing, or missing teeth. None of these problems get solved by taking away food stamps and housing vouchers. The conservatives would never even hire these people, nor would they necessarily make dependable employees even if they did. You would simply be killing people off by taking away their last remaining social safety nets. And I don't understand why that's ok by the party that claims to always be pro-life.
I read through the conservative drivel mostly out of curiosity, as to their reasons for wanting to eliminate the Department of Education, Health and Human Services, Agriculture and what have you. Basically all government officials that don't use guns. As we know, only people with guns have any real purpose.
But anyway, what I was most awe struck by, was the last part of this red-writing that stated the Democrats and their liberal social programs are meant to keep people in poverty. In other words, as long as Democrats keep poor people on the public cow of food stamps and "welfare" then the Democrats will continue to have a liberal voting base.
Whoever writes this stuff really needs to meet some of these so called "welfare recipients". In my opinion, real welfare ended in the Clinton era. Having worked with this population, I remember not too long ago in the state of Alaska, a grown man was eligible for $12 per month in food stamps. And a mother with a baby got like $200 a month (but I can't remember exactly). Do Conservatives really feel those small amounts of money change people's view of anything at all?? Quite frankly, many of the impoverished people I met were completely apolitical. It just didn't interest them. And to say something like food stamps or a housing voucher perpetuate the cycle of poverty cracks me up.
People on food stamps are quite aware their situation sucks. They aren't going around bragging and driving fancy cars. Quite possibly there was more of this problem in the 80's, but it's not like that anymore. The impoverished (rural) populations I worked with usually had crappy circumstances such as emotional issues, anger problems, lack of clean laundry, no reliable transportation, lack of plumbing, or missing teeth. None of these problems get solved by taking away food stamps and housing vouchers. The conservatives would never even hire these people, nor would they necessarily make dependable employees even if they did. You would simply be killing people off by taking away their last remaining social safety nets. And I don't understand why that's ok by the party that claims to always be pro-life.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Chickens at the Airport
Upon landing at a tropical location it is always amazing to observe the hot, open air airports. It is quite wondrous to be in a place that never needs to be fully enclosed as the weather is always warm. But I am an unusual creature. Besides relishing the humid air of "not-winter"--I get excited about seeing another thing: chickens at the airport.
I first saw this at the airport in Trinidad and Tobago. More recently I have observed this phenomena at smaller airports in Hawaii. It just came to me, that not everyone thinks this is great. I am sure plenty of people find poultry in public places to be disgusting. Yet I see it and think--"this vacation is going to be good".
I feel the same way about loose dogs , crazy wind gusts, bears, low flying helicopters and turbulence on airplanes. Holy cow-I can't believe that I am so demented, that others just hate these things--- but they make my day. I know in my heart these things really won't harm me--
Recently I returned from Sacramento, California. We drove around the suburbs and it made me depressed. It was so dull. Returning to the Anchorage airport in the baggage claim area, I was happy to see at least 4 dogs (on leashes)--and one that got loose! Nobody even blinked or cared that this canine was free .. Tears came to my eyes as I thought-- yes , I am home again.
I first saw this at the airport in Trinidad and Tobago. More recently I have observed this phenomena at smaller airports in Hawaii. It just came to me, that not everyone thinks this is great. I am sure plenty of people find poultry in public places to be disgusting. Yet I see it and think--"this vacation is going to be good".
I feel the same way about loose dogs , crazy wind gusts, bears, low flying helicopters and turbulence on airplanes. Holy cow-I can't believe that I am so demented, that others just hate these things--- but they make my day. I know in my heart these things really won't harm me--
Recently I returned from Sacramento, California. We drove around the suburbs and it made me depressed. It was so dull. Returning to the Anchorage airport in the baggage claim area, I was happy to see at least 4 dogs (on leashes)--and one that got loose! Nobody even blinked or cared that this canine was free .. Tears came to my eyes as I thought-- yes , I am home again.
Friday, February 25, 2011
The Toughest Guys on Earth
As February is the official "don't talk about you-know-who" month I will refrain from using a certain characters name. It is however, a woman who lives in Wasilla, AK and the name starts with "S"--enough said.
So anyway, "S" was recently quoted on some news show that she feels the Irondog participants are the "toughest guys on earth", forgive me if I get the exact wording wrong. But I do get the message--she feels that men racing around on snowmachines (snowmobiles for the lower 48) are as tough as they come....Well maybe this is something you say when your own husband is one of the monkeys riding around and you need to stroke his ego...but I disagree.
True enough, that compared to most lower 48 inhabitants--who freak out if a snowflake hits their stylish hair---participating in a 2,000 mile cross country snowmachine race in arctic conditions, scores pretty high in the "man pants category". However, did Mrs. "S" forget about the Iditarod??
The Iditarod follows the same course as the IronDog (actually those pesky snow machines help break trail for the doggies) but obviously a musher with dogs plods along a lot slower than a machine that can go about 80mph. Not to mention that the Iron Dog participants travel in pairs to help each other out (?) while mushers are only allowed to hang with their canine companions. Same weather conditions, but you are in it sooo much longer with the dogs (and responsible for more lives). Or how about the difference between filling up a snowmachine with gas vs. feeding 14 sled dogs a hot meal and rubbing their feet with ointment? There is also a little known fact about sled dog racing--some folks may choose to stand on the runners or even sit in the sleds--but there are a whole bunch of mushers who RUN behind their dogs for substantial portions of the 1,200 mile race, to lighten the load. That's right RUN. Try running behind your snowmachine !
So my vote goes to the many tough men (and women!!) of the Iditarod, for doing what I feel is the hardest, craziest sport in the western hemisphere!
So anyway, "S" was recently quoted on some news show that she feels the Irondog participants are the "toughest guys on earth", forgive me if I get the exact wording wrong. But I do get the message--she feels that men racing around on snowmachines (snowmobiles for the lower 48) are as tough as they come....Well maybe this is something you say when your own husband is one of the monkeys riding around and you need to stroke his ego...but I disagree.
True enough, that compared to most lower 48 inhabitants--who freak out if a snowflake hits their stylish hair---participating in a 2,000 mile cross country snowmachine race in arctic conditions, scores pretty high in the "man pants category". However, did Mrs. "S" forget about the Iditarod??
The Iditarod follows the same course as the IronDog (actually those pesky snow machines help break trail for the doggies) but obviously a musher with dogs plods along a lot slower than a machine that can go about 80mph. Not to mention that the Iron Dog participants travel in pairs to help each other out (?) while mushers are only allowed to hang with their canine companions. Same weather conditions, but you are in it sooo much longer with the dogs (and responsible for more lives). Or how about the difference between filling up a snowmachine with gas vs. feeding 14 sled dogs a hot meal and rubbing their feet with ointment? There is also a little known fact about sled dog racing--some folks may choose to stand on the runners or even sit in the sleds--but there are a whole bunch of mushers who RUN behind their dogs for substantial portions of the 1,200 mile race, to lighten the load. That's right RUN. Try running behind your snowmachine !
So my vote goes to the many tough men (and women!!) of the Iditarod, for doing what I feel is the hardest, craziest sport in the western hemisphere!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Moose and Rainbows!
A while back, a guy posted an emotional double rainbow video on Youtube--here is my version, but it is actually a triple rainbow- take that !
Little visitors, just babies--don't know where mamma is.
This could be dad. He is the size of a small tank.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Societal Oppositional Disorder
This is my new affliction, Societal Oppositional Disorder. The list of things that everyone else likes and I do not, continues to grow at an alarming pace. I am actually worried that I will become a kook hermit living in the woods.
It's like an avalanche of things that everyone wants and likes is falling on my head, but instead of embracing these new societal love interests, I just take cover and actually dislike them more! I am talking about the popular necessities: like cell phones, ipads, Costco, Facebook, large flat screen TV's, trending celebrities and now my email is bombarding me with the movie title: Just Go With It. No, I do not want to JUST GO WITH IT! What an ironic title.
I can't stand the Super Bowl, as viewership continues to increase, nor do I find any new movies to be interesting. I did attend a free symphony last Saturday which I enjoyed more than I expected--maybe there's hope after all. I wasn't alone after all....
It's like an avalanche of things that everyone wants and likes is falling on my head, but instead of embracing these new societal love interests, I just take cover and actually dislike them more! I am talking about the popular necessities: like cell phones, ipads, Costco, Facebook, large flat screen TV's, trending celebrities and now my email is bombarding me with the movie title: Just Go With It. No, I do not want to JUST GO WITH IT! What an ironic title.
I can't stand the Super Bowl, as viewership continues to increase, nor do I find any new movies to be interesting. I did attend a free symphony last Saturday which I enjoyed more than I expected--maybe there's hope after all. I wasn't alone after all....
Friday, January 7, 2011
Can the Country Actually Head in any Direction?
During the contentious midterm election here in Alaska, I received more pollster telephone calls than any human being should be expected to endure. Some days there would be 2 or 3 calls a day form various polling companies. Some of these polling agencies admitted their alliances to a political candidate or party--others did not. But even when they didn't want to say who was funding them, a dead giveaway was the question: "Do you feel the Country is headed in the right direction?" In other words, I can decode this to mean--"don't you just hate Obama?"
And if they mean: do you like what's happening in the country today? That too is a ridiculous question. At any given moment there are millions of conflicting ideas, opinions and attitudes that vary across every state, town, and household in the US. So is there even a common direction to begin with? I think not. Each political party feels the other yanks everyone in the wrong direction.
Why not just ask people for real examples of what is "wrong" about the country in their opinion?? (Before the biased folks asking this question get a chance to implant their well known sound bites : government over-reach, loss of freedom...blah, blah.)
The same people who have been trained to chant these phrases and misspell them on signs, would be the first to freak out if you really just "allowed" capitalism to happen. In other words, you would have a huge gap between rich and poor (goodbye middle class), economic decline and job loss before any economic improvements were seen. Deregulate everything and you have a country driven by people's darkest desires: greed, porn, fast food and flat screen TV's. Because that's all the people really want and that's what they will buy. Not to mention the splendor of no government over site so we have more contaminants in our products, pollution and other fun greed inspired consequences.
I personally don't like the direction of the country myself. But it has nothing to do with Obama. I feel if Obama had been allowed to let his elitist star shine--then the country would have had a chance to thrive..
I see a country that no longer has the attention span to read good books or listen to a symphony. Culture is quickly becoming a grunting super-bowl party or mass sex-tape viewing. People don't research facts, but listen only to annoying sound bites. They don't foster the arts or garden, they play silly little computer games on Facebook as if all adults have become 14 again. There is general apathy and disinterest for anything intellectual or cognitively challenging. Children no longer want to grow up to be astronauts and doctors, but rappers and basket ball stars.
And who do I blame for this "direction"? I can't say if it is democrat or republican, but instead of fearing a loss of freedom, I feel we have been given too much. Give the people free will and they will choose to be apathetic, unread, wanna be rock stars-- full of sugar and fat.
And if they mean: do you like what's happening in the country today? That too is a ridiculous question. At any given moment there are millions of conflicting ideas, opinions and attitudes that vary across every state, town, and household in the US. So is there even a common direction to begin with? I think not. Each political party feels the other yanks everyone in the wrong direction.
Why not just ask people for real examples of what is "wrong" about the country in their opinion?? (Before the biased folks asking this question get a chance to implant their well known sound bites : government over-reach, loss of freedom...blah, blah.)
The same people who have been trained to chant these phrases and misspell them on signs, would be the first to freak out if you really just "allowed" capitalism to happen. In other words, you would have a huge gap between rich and poor (goodbye middle class), economic decline and job loss before any economic improvements were seen. Deregulate everything and you have a country driven by people's darkest desires: greed, porn, fast food and flat screen TV's. Because that's all the people really want and that's what they will buy. Not to mention the splendor of no government over site so we have more contaminants in our products, pollution and other fun greed inspired consequences.
I personally don't like the direction of the country myself. But it has nothing to do with Obama. I feel if Obama had been allowed to let his elitist star shine--then the country would have had a chance to thrive..
I see a country that no longer has the attention span to read good books or listen to a symphony. Culture is quickly becoming a grunting super-bowl party or mass sex-tape viewing. People don't research facts, but listen only to annoying sound bites. They don't foster the arts or garden, they play silly little computer games on Facebook as if all adults have become 14 again. There is general apathy and disinterest for anything intellectual or cognitively challenging. Children no longer want to grow up to be astronauts and doctors, but rappers and basket ball stars.
And who do I blame for this "direction"? I can't say if it is democrat or republican, but instead of fearing a loss of freedom, I feel we have been given too much. Give the people free will and they will choose to be apathetic, unread, wanna be rock stars-- full of sugar and fat.
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