You Can Cancel That Cell Phone Plan and Much More!

Are you spending too much time utilizing wireless technology? Watching too many movies, satellite TV? Video games?
Well do I have a proposition for you!
You can purchase our semi-rural Alaskan property and throw away all those techno gadgets, Netflix subscriptions, pay per view movies and other assorted technological time wasters....How does this work you may ask?
Well it's easy with our simple two step plan> Step 1--There are no cable lines or satellite reception here anyway, so that easily eliminates various digital entertainment options.
Step 2--In case you are inclined to rent videos or watch NBC (one of our three TV stations) purchasing this property will ensure that those too become unavailable to you, as you will never have a spare moment to sit in front of the boob tube again.
How's that? you may wonder. Well in the wintertime, there are hours and hours of fun to be had cleaning the freakishly long circular drive--don't worry, it's way too cold for plows, ATV's or lawn tractors to start up (no wimpy garage here, folks!) and do the job, so you'll have plenty of options to use good old fashioned sweat energy and shovels. (the shovels will break too-- added fun!) In the meantime, if the temperature happens to climb above "freeze your nose right off"--that means the ice dams are forming on the roof.
Simply take one of your six cracked shovels, climb the scary ladder, and start shoveling up high on the roof, preferably at a weird angle! The best part is--the ice will form crazy thick pools that you will need to remove utilizing some sort of heavy metal device, damaging the shingles as you work! Yippee. (keep extra shingles and a bucket of tar handy)
And it doesn't end, because as soon as the roof is clean, never fear--it will start snowing again and you can do it all over again!