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For some delusional reason, I thought that the Iditarod sled dog race wasn't that controversial anymore in the Lower 48. After all, the days of mushers whipping dogs, beating or eating them are long gone.
But low and behold, I look at the Alaska Dispatch News and what do you have, all these comments from outside Alaska mentioning how cruel it is to "force" dogs to run...or to tether them to their dogs houses.
I even saw the comment: "that it is archaic".
Of course it's archaic!!!--because it is actually hard! And freezing cold! And really crazy! It requires the kind of physical stamina of humans and dogs that lazy lower 48 folks can't even comprehend. Last years race was so difficult (due to low snow conditions) that mushers constantly complained that the dogs would not stop! Humans were dragged over glare ice, sleds were flipped, bones broken--while the wild huskies yipped for joy unharmed !
The silly thing about being anti-Iditarod is that you are literally barking up the wrong tree.
Alaska is the most dog filled state in the USA. I honestly don't even know any friends, neighbors or associates who don't have at least two dogs at home in Alaska. Those without a canine companion are viewed as slightly disturbed. And yet--these same dog owners/lovers are the same people who go out and cheer the Iditarod, support the mushers and enjoy the race! If it was some sort of cruel dog torturing exercise--would the streets of Anchorage be lined with DOG LOVERS--to see the Iditarod dogs off??
Certainly the Iditarod is not perfect, but it's pretty amazing. And I truly wish that all the activists that want to stop it, would focus their misguided efforts on more serious animal problems. Like the culling of wolves in Alaska for crying out loud! These are the dog's genetic aunts and uncles--yet they are shot at, hunted and trapped! Or why is the dog's other "cousin"--the coyote-- so hated in the Lower 48 ? Everyone wants to kill the poor coyote whenever he proudly prances off with a house cat...Why is a domestic animal considered more sacred than a wild one? That is something I will never comprehend.
Just a few days ago, the Alaska news was direly reporting on a recent survey ranking Alaska "the most violent state" in the nation. Then low and behold, about 24 hours later, Gallup releases their poll ranking Alaska as the happiest state! #1 ranking for "well-being" in the nation-- most purposeful, healthy, with the best sense of community in the US!!
Now, if anyone in the lower 48 happened upon these two crazy conflicting surveys--they would most likely say "huh????" But as a seasoned sourdough Alaskan, it makes perfectly ridiculous sense to me!
Yes, Alaska can be both safe, happy and violent! And that's because we have something that's lacking elsewhere: space. We have so much room to spread out, that anyone can plop down and live a quintessential Norman Rockwell lifestyle, while miles away-- another community drowns in excessive alcoholism and violence.
And having enough room to spread their wings is so much more important to humans than they can ever realize. Note, how the happiest states are always huge and empty of other pesky people! States like South Dakota, Colorado, Wyoming.. (Well Hawaii is happy and small--but how can you not be happy in Hawaii?)
Meanwhile, states in the squished together East Coast rank high for excessive stress, blood pressure...etc.. (surprise!) Ever see 40 hamsters stuffed into a small cage? Not pretty.
And when you are around so many crazed hamster humans, you can't help but start rat racing with them!! Take it from stress-free Alaska, where there is a common saying: "Relax, this ain't the lower 48!"
Yes, yes-- I am kind of fixated on Sheryl Sanberg--but that's only because this crazy lady won't leave me alone! Even years after her treatise on gender, she just can't seem to keep her name out of any newsworthy article I happen to stumble upon-- be it women politicians, the job market, world economics, or pantyhose--there's Sheryl again! (ok, not the pantyhose one).
No matter which forum she has magically landed at (during her 36 hour workday), Queen Sheryl always needs to (in a sweet tone) "be having the conversation about women's barriers to entry ". Always discussing why there aren't more "female CEO's and COO's"...
Recently, Time and Real Simple Magazine produced a survey exposing an *ugly* little truth. 75% of women would not take their bosses "better/higher/more important" job, even if it was handed to them! What does that mean?
In Sheryl's world that means: "there is obviously a barrier we need to remove"-- Like disproportionate housework and childcare. And I agree--it's true, most women I know are actually a tad bit better (gasp!) at housework and childcare than men are. Resulting in an uneven balance. But no matter how far I "lean in", I can't make a man lactate in the middle of the night. Or hear a vomiting child in the bathroom, or see dust bunnies under the bed. And I kind of resent her calling my offspring a "barrier".
But worse than the fact that she can't handle gender differences, is the scary presumption (which is plain mean) that "obviously" women must hate housework and spending time at home with children. Being a COO at a high pressure job (like Sheryl!) is soo much better!Right? Don't we want to be like her? Don't we just envy her???
To me it's this nightmare flashback of a high school cheerleader proclaiming: "how can you not want to be a cheerleader? I'm so awesome , I'm so fulfilled!"
At this point, I may be sounding like some rabid conservative. But I can honestly say I have talked to women from all sides of the fence (liberal, conservative, hippies, well educated). And somehow, average women have a much easier time understanding we all don't want the same things. Some women really want to work more (and make more money) while some really just want to be home, or maybe work less. Why can't Sheryl handle that we all don't want to be her?
I live in Alaska and have two chickens in my basement. What barriers to entry (Sheryl) are preventing you from this lifestyle? How can I help you overcome whatever is holding you back from illicit arctic poultry farming? Lean in and move North, I am rather fulfilled after all :)
So here's the deal. I have invented a magic cookie mix. It won't make you very fat, tastes like milk chocolate goodness, and is filled with fabulous antioxidants!!! Yum, yum.
The catch is: you need to buy 5 bags from me. And then, promise to sell 10 more bags to 10 other people--you can keep half your profit of course. Just make sure the new cookie enthusiasts find 20 more mix buyers!! And we'll all be happy, successful, rich and up to our ears in cookie dough! Goodie!.... It's called economic growth. Just like building tons of skyscrapers in Dubai, drilling endlessly for oil in the Arctic or piling beige condos on former wetlands.. More and more.
But wait!! My cookie project is called a pyramid scheme! And those are considered very naughty.....(As I need more and more consumers to keep purchasing my cookie mix). But wait-- the global economy doesn't need that ??!!
There's this little meeting called the World Economic Forum (WEF). These do nothings sit around scheming and talking about global economics. Recently, they converged and put their pointy heads together---identifying the biggest problems of our economic future. Which were: Slower productivity (i.e. cookie mix making) and a dramatic decrease in the global birth rate! (the cookie eaters and bakers). The economists warn and shake their pale fingers--global growth is now in peril!! Social rest is imminent!!! Because we don't know what else to do, but "grow" the economy!! duh.
These poindexters say all this with a straight face. Like we should totally reverse all population control programs, make more babies, pave the earth and strip mine the moon.
Maybe we could just triple our population, eat all the wild animals and then live under the sea like Sponge Bob.
Geez, I am still waiting for the "great economic minds" to realize that a pyramid scheme is a pyramid scheme, even when it is all jazzed up and called "Global Economic Growth"...
Once again, for no real rhyme or reason, our neighborhood experienced a power outage last night. The electric company reports it was some sort of "grid failure" blah, blah. But it looks to me like southcentral Alaska just can't cope with it's inevitable population growth.... I mean come on--why are we now having weekly grocery shortages?? in 2015 ? but not back in 2002 ?
But I regress...so we had a power outage. As I heard the obnoxious neighborhood generators kicking in-- I ran to my silent, much less annoying survival tool....
A giant bag of votive candles! Yes! I finally had a good excuse for having purchased 100 candles (on sale AND made in Canada no less!)
Match after match, I enjoyed myself immensely. Lighting little lights all along the stairs, around the kitchen and throughout the bathrooms. What a beautiful sight ! The whole house flickering in silence.
I cuddled up with a good book and asked my sensible husband why he wasn't coming to bed. Apparently, he was unable to.
"Because somebody has to blow out all these darn candles".
I have recently been seeking and searching out condominium accommodations in the Lower 48. I'm no fool, and did know that rules and regulations grow like weeds down yonder. But I wasn't expecting the stinging nettles I stumbled upon: "breed restrictions."
In my innocent search for a pet-friendly apartment, I totally expected to encounter limits on weight, amounts or farm animals...the usual suspects. And even the words "breed restrictions" (to me at least) brings on the typical 'stereotypes' of "unruly" dogs. The often picked on pitts and rotties. But the crazy "breed restriction" lists I encountered included all sorts of dogs: German shepherds. Akitas. Siberian huskies. Dalmatians. Saint Bernards (ok, I get this one--drool alert!) and Malmalutes ?! It went on and on...The most insane part was, the last line "and any mix of mentioned breeds". What does that mean??? If you have a mutt, a real mutt--how could you possibly know or prove what "mix" your dog contains? And what percentage counts as being related to the offending breed?? Outrageous!
Where do people even get these outdated, doggy discriminatory ideas from?? They will say: well the dog was bred to do "x"--(insert unwanted behavior). But isn't that racist? Like saying: well Swedish women were bred to be blonde, blue eyed and love lingonberries! Besides, the wildest "dog breeds" I have seen in Alaska are wolf-hybrids and sled dogs--now these beauties aren't on their little list are they? Guess I know what kind of dog I'll be bringing along to the condo ;)
When one utters the term "break-up" in Alaska, there are no scorned lovers. Quite the opposite-- break-up is a positive time--meaning the ice is breaking and a spring thaw is in the air.
Now 2015 has been a warmish, mostly snow-free winter for south-central Alaska. Nevertheless, it's not exactly Hawaii-- the ground did freeze up, and covered itself with a light layer of snow.
But, low and behold, it is all melting this week. 44 degrees, with rain--prime "break-up" weather. Feels like April, except it isn't-- it's January 16!
Of course this freakishly warm weather sends me outdoors, to pick up stray dog feces, sticks and enjoy the chinook winds. And as they blow their warm breezes--I remember what I love best about Alaska.
It's that feeling of spring in the wilderness, after a long winter (although this year we are cheating). When the days get brighter, and the mountains are melting. We have always lived with our yard backing to Chugach state park--the better to hear the stillness. But break-up blossoms into special sounds. When the red squirrels chatter a bit louder, and the soulful arctic birds screech in their peculiar way. I am no birder, and can't identify who is making those songs. Yet, they echo throughout the forest and bounce off the mountain peaks --and I have only heard them in the Alaskan morning.
It's important to hear these sounds alone. To just listen and feel that you are one with them, very small and tiny on this beautiful earth. I just wish everyone could experience it, and then maybe they too would understand that we need the wilderness, we just do.
I was glancing at the headlines in Google News the other day, and just became more and more annoyed. The pansy National Weather Service was issuing this warning and that warning to "cover every inch of exposed skin", because heaven forbid, the temperatures may dip to the teens and wind chill may hit zero!!
First of all, if an Alaskan ever complained about "wind chill" everyone would fall over in a ball of laughter. We aIl know it is a fake and made-up term. Might as well say your 'room temperature' changes each time a woman experiencing a hot flash walks by....
I have yet to hear the silly "wind chill" term uttered in Alaska---even after living in the midst of glacier valley winds in the Matanuska-Susitna valley!! And those aren't some sort of baby wind chill winds. No, Alaska wind is called M#$%#$^$*^#* wind!
And what's with the "cover all exposed skin?" Has my (or any other Alaskan's) skin become thicker after living up here so long?!!? I'm actually a bit freaked out--does my family now have freakishly thick polar skin??? And I didn't even notice!?? Gross!!!
Case in point--my son's elementary school. Never canceled recess. That's right--kids were outside up to -12 degrees, playing, laughing and what have you--with exposed skin. And if it was above 5 degrees, they would sweat and lose their coats in the bushes. (But, they did once cancel recess, when some M#$%*&%$@# winds blew in).
The other day, I was driving my 10 year old son to his sport activity. I told him-- "you know, you really should be wearing a coat--it is about 18 degrees outside. "
And he looked at me in horror and said: "why do I need a coat?"
All I could come up with was," because in the lower 48-- people would freak out!"
My poor Alaskan born child knows one thing: he has never seen a child fall over dead because they forgot to wear a coat. (and if they feel cold enough--they have a crazy idea, it's called--"go back inside.")
Granted, the kids do catch colds (from germs), -- but I have yet to see frostbite on the little buggers, even after a long winter of daily outdoor recess.
Not denying that frostbite exists, and people do get chilled and die--but in Alaska, at least, it seems to happen at any temperature (even 40 degrees) , and involves becoming wet, often when wearing cotton. (Cotton kills! they say out here.)
And I sure have seen frostbite damaged skin, but again--on dog mushers--exposed to days and days of negative zero temps, and that crazy arctic wind!
Obviously, you want to protect the elderly, frail and babies from the elements...but the Weather Service could at least acknowledge that us Arctic people exist --and the human species does not spontaneously combust when the temperature goes below zero!!!
I'm really not sure who started the madness. Was it HGTV?? Ruthless developers? Or just some bozo who ran out of paint.
But they sure have pulled a fast one on the American people. Convincing honest, hard working folks, to deeply loathe the thought of any color entering their homes. And I'm not talking white walls here folks-- No, no-- I'm talking about the bizarre brainwashing cult that worships shades of beige. Encouraging the types of homes that make me recoil in horror... light beige siding, oatmeal carpet, neutral walls, beige-like tiles, light brown couches--and 'radical' espresso colored cabinets!(which in full disclosure, should be referred to as dark beige.)
Nobody really likes these colors. They just think they have to--out of fear that they will get a tacky ticket or something. Completely oblivious that the human soul is pre-wired to enjoy color. It is a biological fact!
Case in point: do people enjoy sunsets because they are light brown?? Do you want to swim in a beige pool or a beautiful azure colored sea? Do you like sunny days and bright green lawns? Fields of wildflowers and fall colored leaves? Or dreary clouds and pavement. And yes, yes I know you rainy, foggy, pavement lovers do exist...but that's a you issue.
Stop the conspiracy and grab your paint cans! Let us enjoy some color in our homes for crying out loud!!!
So tis the season to gripe about the materialism of Christmas. The one time of year when it's perfectly ok for everyone to live in a quasi-socialist La-La land and pretend that our American economy would not collapse without materialism.
Well my gripe is more specific. I'm not going to complain about the consumeristic pyramid scheme that is our economy. No, not this time. My gripe is that we have lost the magic of materialism.
What? Magical materialism. That's right.
I remember my own childhood--when a few days before Christmas, packages would arrive at the front door. Now and then an exotic wooden box full of tropical oranges--individually wrapped in purple paper! Or how about the carefully prepared box from auntie, snuggled in brown craft paper? Lying within, one would find a lovely assortment of packages, each wrapped in different colored gift wrap, labeled with a pretty tag and a fancy department store box!
The truth is--I can no longer remember the gifts inside the boxes. But I do remember the excitement of receiving these pretty packages!! How fun it was to sort and open them all!
As an adult--I can't stand gifts. (Gift: a four letter word for more clutter). But something about a mysterious package with pretty paper around it, still peaks even a curmudgeons curiosity!
But here we are, Christmas 2014, and I am surrounded by the conspiracy that is non-magical online shopping. Personally, I never partake. No sir. I fight the hoards, go to stores, wrap and box it up, then stand in the crazy US postal service line --(and if you have ever seen these lines in Alaska, you know this is no laughing matter!!) And why? Because I care-- damn it! I might be out of my mind --but at least I sweat, ran out of tape, got paper cuts, slipped on the ice, caught germs, shopped local, and stood around endlessly--all to send out these ridiculous gifts!!!
And what do we get in exchange?? Online shopping. Big brown anonymous boxes dropped on our doorstep. No pretty paper, ribbons, gift tags or magic. Just ubiquitous big box store items, that I totally could have purchased myself---- half drunk in a bathrobe, thank you very much.
But I will rejoice--as although my own snail shopping by foot, sweat, tears and car has left me exhausted and crazed, I have been lovingly spared the hassle of injuring my index finger while "clicking here"--now that's Holly Jolly!
Somehow I just can't get away from red-neck tendencies. I try and try...and there I go again, doing something utterly tacky like housing livestock in the basement.
But let me explain. My two little chickens decided to protest the Alaskan winter. Now, it's been a mild Alaskan winter (thank you Lower 48!!) but nevertheless, not one for tropical birds (true factoid about chicken evolution).
The hens had a happy home in a horse stall with a heat lamp-- which was good enough most of the summer. However, once November rolled around, the chooks just gave up on laying and started looking a tad sad.
Well then we thought-- Why are we making the chickens miserable ?And not even getting any eggs to boot??
The only "logical place" I had available for them--(and no, we don't have the expertise to build an insulated chicken coop, nor happen to have $600 dollars for one!) was our basement.
Luckily, I can keep it a tiny bit classy, because we happen to have two separate basements. One that is nicely finished for humans, and another section that is heated--but nothing but a slab of cement and a window (kind of creepy, no?)
Yet, pretty good for chickens. I built them a fenced in area, put down sand (like a giant litter box) some roosts and their nesting box--voila! They are content.
Two days after defrosting their little chicken butts, I heard the tell tale "egg song". Yes, they were happy enough to begin laying again!
But alas, it didn't go as expected. As anyone who has ever heard the "egg song" knows-- it is freakishly loud! And both my chickens seem to enjoy the racket for a good 5 minutes or so. But in their new "chicken digs" they also happen to be directly under a forced air heating vent.
Thus the incessant squawking sound travels upstairs, right up the vent that smacks up against a sleeping dog.
The dog awakes with an indignant barking frenzy--proclaiming: "holy shit, who let the poultry into the house!?"
This angry barking, resonates right back down the heating vent, forcing the chickens into a mad panic: "oh my, oh my, there is a dog in here!!" So instead of finishing their egg laying, they run around "like chickens with their heads cut off".
I was worried there was going to be an impacted egg (how long can they hold it in after all??) Even gave my husband instructions on how to give the chicken a warm bath and lubricate the vent 'as needed' to remove said egg (ha!)
Not necessary.
As the next morning, the chickens gave it another shot.
Once again, loud egg song. But this time my 9 year old son was on the case. He screamed--"Blast the radio! Blast the music!" Running to the stereo and turning up a classical symphony...confusing the dogs, who could no longer process the chicken sounds. We ran to the basement, and yes-- success! An egg.
Problem solved, or is it? Because now the whole neighborhood not only hears the "Hallelujah chorus" blasting from our home at all hours, it is interjected with strange chicken squawks. And we actually wonder why our neighbors won't talk to us.....
Isn't it obvious that aliens have sucked out our brains?
Does anyone remember what happened six years ago--when people were packing their basements full of flour, bullets and gold nuggets? Sharpening their pitch forks--as all hell was about to break loose?? Remember those days when we were headed to so-called total "economic collapse"?
But here we are--November 2014, with am improved economy, lower unemployment and strong stock market. (Even Bin Laden is dead!) Yet, obviously disappointed that we didn't get to impale those hungry masses on our pitch forks after all !!! Somebody needs to be impaled, right? We don't even know why or who that should be!!? But we were told we are angry--right?! Let's just go after the Democrats. Because they did --mmm, what? Oh I don't know.
Just read the recent Washington Post article about what Obama did wrong. There is no clear crazy scandal, or blistering catastrophe. There is however, a mention at the end of the story about the economic recovery. How ignoring said recovery is a "head scratcher". People no longer remember the economic problems of 6 years ago-- (but again, not their fault when pesky aliens have sucked out brains).
So this is what happens in a Foolacracy. Mostly those 5% or 10% of undecided voters that throw an election. The sheeple that can be convinced (manipulated) by stuffing them full of crazy mailers and internet ads. Here in Alaska, the signs for proposition issues didn't even bother explaining anything at all. Just "Vote yes on 1", "No on 2". That's it--because they know that in a Foolacracy this sort of strategy actually works!!
Some may say the "middle class" didn't feel the recovery. Well guess what--maybe you never will!! As long as there is something called "THE WORLD", full of really poor people willing to do your job for much less money ! And you fool (that's right) secretly love these poor people--because now your house is filled with flat screen TV's and closets packed with $9.99 sun dresses from China or Bangladesh.
How can we even take the term "democracy" seriously, when we know election results are based on swindling uninformed and undereducated voters??? The party that achieves this first- wins, end of story. Nobody ever went broke underestimating the stupidity of the American people. (not my quote friends, but wish it was :)
I have never seen an episode of Keeping up with the Kerdashians (can I even spell that right???) Nor Honey Boo Boo or even Duck Dynasty.... But it is my understanding that these shows are wildly popular with the American public. So why not give the people what they really want!!!?? A reality TV presidency! Filled with hours of white trash hijinks, vengeful remarks and potty talk! And hateful politics! All in one compact package!! It almost happened folks... we were so very close in 2008!
Alas, it was not to be. Instead the Palins retreated back to their Wasilla compound and continued to make money doing all sorts of reality shows, speaking engagements and just making unpleasant comments on Facebook.
Now we are in luck once again, as the Palins have entered the media spotlight by partaking in a drunken brawl down in Anchorage! From what I read, a good time was had by all!
My friends in the Lower 48 keep saying (about the Palins) "I just don't understand"--how did they get so far??"
Here's the thing about Alaska (especially in places like Wasilla). You have some of the friendliest and folksy people you can imagine out there. Folks filled with moxy and a penchant for self-reliance. The type of people that the rest of the country finds rather fascinating. And in those same polite backwoods an anomaly was once found--a family that is ALSO good looking and somewhat articulate -- voila! Palins!
But there is also a darker, lesser known side to Alaskans, and I'm not talking about the desire to shoot things and cover up the yard with a blue tarp!...But the crazy white trash vengefulness (accelerated with an affection for drink) that is so often a part of Alaska. It is what it is-- and what else are you going to do on those long winter nights, but drink yourself into a stupor and start shit?
And yes, we almost had that in the White House. Some may breathe a sigh of relief now, but others may just think.....damn that would have been some fun!!!
Here's a topic I am sure appeals to almost nobody at all: but I am totally into it!
What's with the long-held misconceptions and beliefs surrounding a hen's laying song?!
I am speaking about the sound (known to country chicken types) as the "egg song"--a crazy squawking noise made by a hen caught up in the moment of her own egg laying.
When I first heard my own chickens producing said "song" I thought--well that's the sound of childbirth !!....But it's more rhythmic than that... akin to a poultry call of the wild (sounds like: squawk, squawk, squawk, squuuaaakkk!) The song is repeated quite a few times and freakishly loud--especially for a quiet neighborhood, that may or may not allow the harboring of poultry ;)
My trusty online chicken forums often discuss the "egg song" --usually in the context of someone's chicken getting ready to lay an egg...But my problem with this is--that the purpose of the song seems lost on folks. If you attempt to google "why the egg song" the most common answer is: "the chicken is proud of her egg, thus announces it". Now what kind of ass backwards Darwinism is that???
What animal "announces" their precious little baby-to-be to the predators of the world--especially an animal who's only means of defense seems to be "panic and run"..???
So I continued to cruise the internet for more info. I gathered the history of the chicken begins in the jungle (which makes sense--their noises are tropical sounding!) My own theory was that the "jungle chickens" try to locate their mate with said song (the chicken doesn't really know if her egg is fertilized or not, and may need his assistance as she begins her long brooding process). And sure enough, anecdotal stories point exactly to that--if you have a rooster at home, he will respond to the egg song! I even read accounts of the rooster arriving with cabbage in his beak to feed the laying hen after the "song" !! Now, if only this more reasonable reason for the egg song would become public knowledge!!!...I wouldn't need to hear about the "silly proud chickens" anymore!!
Maybe this is the weirdest little list of pet peeves ever. But probably not.
1- Yellow leaves. Not by you--but by me (here in Alaska). It's only August 28th and the freakin leaves are starting to change! Oh why???? Everyone else is still basking in summertime, but I have to watch the damn falling leaves...
2- Gangster pants. I don't know what it's called, but that weird thing young men do with their pants to make them look like they are falling off. Like tie their belts around their ass and hold them all awkwardly to show off their underwear. I used to think women were silly for wearing thongs to impress others, but this beats the thong for "most uncomfortable look". Why don't they just wear a metal corset or something if they want to be unable to walk?
3- Finger nails. Maybe I have too much keratin, but I just don't like them growing so fast.
In my household we have a word : "BIG SKIN"--our term for sneaky corporate dermatology and sunscreen tycoons. Now the surgeon general (who is a suspicious dermatologist) has gotten up on the 'sun will kill you' soap box...This is of course the same sun, that has sustained ALL LIFE ON EARTH for billions of years--yet now is apparently out to kill you.
So they say melanoma has increased three fold since the 1970's --well, wait a minute--isn't this about the same time we STOPPED covering ourselves in greasy Coppertone oils?? And replaced the oily sheen with sunblock ?
And you tell me--are we spending more time outdoors, or less???
But nobody (most of all "big skin") wants to add a bit of accuracy to the dialogue. Namely why would increased sunblock use lead to skin cancer?
Well, the answer is pretty simple--melanin (a tan!?) protects you from the harmful UV rays of the sun. Slow sun exposure prepares your body for UV, versus keeping yourself pale as a lab rat until you accidentally get stuck outside and burn like a piece of bacon. This is why skin cancer rates are actually higher in rainy Oregon , than in sunny Texas--because daily low level sun exposure is the best protection!! Secondly, studies show that sunblock wearers spend more time in the sun than they should. (because nature has this awesome way of protecting you--maybe you feel red, or uncomfortable and know you better get under the shade--how novel!) But when you are covered in globs of nasty toxic sunblock, all you are doing is blocking vitamin D!! Yet ironically allowing some harmful radiation in..
But no pimple popper MD wants to explain these obvious facts to the public.
I just can't believe the surgeon general refuses to articulate the true nature of the problem, nor cares about the health costs associated with vitamin D deficiency. Any evolutionary biologist can tell you, that white folks (once black) lost their pigment as they migrated North so they could absorb MORE sun, not less. But obviously dermatologists are (well meaning perhaps) but misguided creationists.
As I was reading a CityData forum the other day, I came upon an irritated comment by a poster stating: "why does everyone pick on box stores and chain restaurants? I happen to like box stores and will happily live in a community with lots of them."
This statement shocked me.
I looked away from the screen, as this required serious contemplation.
Shopping at Sam's club or Walmart because of financial need is completely understandable--but to actually "like" them??? I thought that the only sane reason people went to Applebees, Lowes, or PetCo, was because IT WAS THERE.
And so I came to realize, that many towns look exactly like "everywhere else in America", because certain people actually want it that way!!! And is it merrily a coincidence that these same areas happen to have more conservative residents??
Yet (no surprise here): independent book stores, sea-weed cupcake shops and Cambodian craft brew cafe's are fairly good indicators of a progressive community....
Some people can be classified as either "avoiders" or "seekers". Avoiders can't stand change, cling to familiarity, repetition and routine. Perhaps the kind of people who would appreciate the safety and familiarity of a box store or chain restaurant?
Avoiding new experiences might seem safe and all, BUT lucky for our human history--some had the gall to seek out novelty and actually leave the cave....!
Thanks to all you folks in the Lower 48, (who so graciously have accepted the bad weather usually headed for Alaska) we Northerners have been engulfed in a beautiful (yet dusty) streak of blue skies, sunshine and 70 degrees for almost two weeks now...!
Gloating aside, the sun has played a productive part in acclimating my chickens to the great outdoors. They did start to stink a bit inside the house, so I was glad to start relocating them to the backyard. The ridiculous part of this whole process is the disruption caused by our 2 crazy dogs--who really, really want to eat said chickens....
The dogs bark like maniacs, dig under the fence, leap into the air--whatever they can do--just to get to those darn chickens! The only solution (thus far)-- has been hiding the chickens in our laundry room, while the dogs are exercising in the yard.
This results in a daily creature shuffle--where each morning we box up the chickens, hide them, put the dogs out, bring the dogs back in, take the chickens out and put them in their chicken play pen for the day.
That being said, the process does not always go smoothly. The dogs are easily controlled with dog biscuits, but not so the poultry. I'm not sure most people recognize how well chickens can fly and how fast those thin, freaky legs can run!
No matter what I tell the chickens, their reaction is always the same --panic!
So each time I try to place them in their 'transport box", the first one jumps out and goes running, while I attempt to put the second one in. So most mornings I get a good dose of cardio exercise by chasing a really fast, little chicken through the yard...Lucky for me, she usually turns around at some point and calls to chicken #2, as they truly only feel safe when they are together. When chicken #2 returns chirps, chicken #1 runs back to her and I finally have both in the box. I put them in their pen, feed them and retreat until evening, when the whole chicken chasing escapade will repeat itself.
I can certainly say, that this is not an efficient manner of poultry management. It is however, a great way to get in some human exercise...
I have been following the story of the crazed Nevada rancher, who along with a gang of armed militia buddies, pulled off a good-ole-fashioned standoff against the Federal Bureau of Land Management....
Apparently, it all began with this rancher feeling he had a so-called "right" to graze cattle for free on leased federal land. He felt the sage brush out there in Nevada wasn't worth much anyway, so why not squat your cattle there?? Wherein the second predicament appeared, as someone actually thought the land was worth more than cattle manure. The BLM wasn't only annoyed that this rancher wasn't paying his grazing fees, the area was also declared important habitat for the desert tortoise.
Now that's the kind of "important" i.e. endangered species act, that makes conservatives shit kittens. Over and over, I have heard politicians say (I live in red state Alaska after all) how there "should be no EPA, no Endangered species act," blah, blah, blah" it's all "government overreach".
Somehow, in their bizzaro bubble, the global population is not ballooning. Their brilliant plan is to pretend that "it's all the same as it was 200 years ago" and just graze over, plant over, build up and raze over every open space and wilderness area, all while assuming that the earth will magically EXPAND to produce more natural resources later on.
So either they believe that the endangered animals trampled to death, over-fished, or squeezed out of habitat...will return to earth via some magic ark, or the conservatives idea of American wildlife is the hamburger. Let's just replace the bald eagle with the Big Mac and call it a day.
I am totally not making fun of 51 year olds, nor do I have a list of funny Alaskans. What I care to vent about is the temperature 51 (Fahrenheit)--and what it does in Alaska...(!)
Truthfully-- it is a glorious thing, if it's 51 outside in April--it must be sunny and warm. BUT 'Alaska' warm that is. In Hawaii they call 51 "frigid".
Which brings me to the annoying part, because you see--I am currently thinking like the Islanders. 51 is nice enough and all, but with a breeze out--I didn't find it patio pleasant. So from the safety of my vehicle, I watched all those darn acclimated Northerners. (which hasn't happened to me after all these years--instead, I have developed some sort of snow allergy--which is real--you can google it.)
How many people did I see outside today in flippin shorts?? There were all those kids getting off the school bus, and joggers, and at least three ladies walking their dogs. Not to mention all the people in flip-flops. Flip flops and shorts, at the grocery store--and it is 51 out. That's why when it reaches 70 degrees here, people fall over in a tizzy, buy out the ice cream and dive into the river.
