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For some delusional reason, I thought that the Iditarod sled dog race wasn't that controversial anymore in the Lower 48. After all, the days of mushers whipping dogs, beating or eating them are long gone.
But low and behold, I look at the Alaska Dispatch News and what do you have, all these comments from outside Alaska mentioning how cruel it is to "force" dogs to run...or to tether them to their dogs houses.
I even saw the comment: "that it is archaic".
Of course it's archaic!!!--because it is actually hard! And freezing cold! And really crazy! It requires the kind of physical stamina of humans and dogs that lazy lower 48 folks can't even comprehend. Last years race was so difficult (due to low snow conditions) that mushers constantly complained that the dogs would not stop! Humans were dragged over glare ice, sleds were flipped, bones broken--while the wild huskies yipped for joy unharmed !
The silly thing about being anti-Iditarod is that you are literally barking up the wrong tree.
Alaska is the most dog filled state in the USA. I honestly don't even know any friends, neighbors or associates who don't have at least two dogs at home in Alaska. Those without a canine companion are viewed as slightly disturbed. And yet--these same dog owners/lovers are the same people who go out and cheer the Iditarod, support the mushers and enjoy the race! If it was some sort of cruel dog torturing exercise--would the streets of Anchorage be lined with DOG LOVERS--to see the Iditarod dogs off??
Certainly the Iditarod is not perfect, but it's pretty amazing. And I truly wish that all the activists that want to stop it, would focus their misguided efforts on more serious animal problems. Like the culling of wolves in Alaska for crying out loud! These are the dog's genetic aunts and uncles--yet they are shot at, hunted and trapped! Or why is the dog's other "cousin"--the coyote-- so hated in the Lower 48 ? Everyone wants to kill the poor coyote whenever he proudly prances off with a house cat...Why is a domestic animal considered more sacred than a wild one? That is something I will never comprehend.
Just a few days ago, the Alaska news was direly reporting on a recent survey ranking Alaska "the most violent state" in the nation. Then low and behold, about 24 hours later, Gallup releases their poll ranking Alaska as the happiest state! #1 ranking for "well-being" in the nation-- most purposeful, healthy, with the best sense of community in the US!!
Now, if anyone in the lower 48 happened upon these two crazy conflicting surveys--they would most likely say "huh????" But as a seasoned sourdough Alaskan, it makes perfectly ridiculous sense to me!
Yes, Alaska can be both safe, happy and violent! And that's because we have something that's lacking elsewhere: space. We have so much room to spread out, that anyone can plop down and live a quintessential Norman Rockwell lifestyle, while miles away-- another community drowns in excessive alcoholism and violence.
And having enough room to spread their wings is so much more important to humans than they can ever realize. Note, how the happiest states are always huge and empty of other pesky people! States like South Dakota, Colorado, Wyoming.. (Well Hawaii is happy and small--but how can you not be happy in Hawaii?)
Meanwhile, states in the squished together East Coast rank high for excessive stress, blood pressure...etc.. (surprise!) Ever see 40 hamsters stuffed into a small cage? Not pretty.
And when you are around so many crazed hamster humans, you can't help but start rat racing with them!! Take it from stress-free Alaska, where there is a common saying: "Relax, this ain't the lower 48!"
Yes, yes-- I am kind of fixated on Sheryl Sanberg--but that's only because this crazy lady won't leave me alone! Even years after her treatise on gender, she just can't seem to keep her name out of any newsworthy article I happen to stumble upon-- be it women politicians, the job market, world economics, or pantyhose--there's Sheryl again! (ok, not the pantyhose one).
No matter which forum she has magically landed at (during her 36 hour workday), Queen Sheryl always needs to (in a sweet tone) "be having the conversation about women's barriers to entry ". Always discussing why there aren't more "female CEO's and COO's"...
Recently, Time and Real Simple Magazine produced a survey exposing an *ugly* little truth. 75% of women would not take their bosses "better/higher/more important" job, even if it was handed to them! What does that mean?
In Sheryl's world that means: "there is obviously a barrier we need to remove"-- Like disproportionate housework and childcare. And I agree--it's true, most women I know are actually a tad bit better (gasp!) at housework and childcare than men are. Resulting in an uneven balance. But no matter how far I "lean in", I can't make a man lactate in the middle of the night. Or hear a vomiting child in the bathroom, or see dust bunnies under the bed. And I kind of resent her calling my offspring a "barrier".
But worse than the fact that she can't handle gender differences, is the scary presumption (which is plain mean) that "obviously" women must hate housework and spending time at home with children. Being a COO at a high pressure job (like Sheryl!) is soo much better!Right? Don't we want to be like her? Don't we just envy her???
To me it's this nightmare flashback of a high school cheerleader proclaiming: "how can you not want to be a cheerleader? I'm so awesome , I'm so fulfilled!"
At this point, I may be sounding like some rabid conservative. But I can honestly say I have talked to women from all sides of the fence (liberal, conservative, hippies, well educated). And somehow, average women have a much easier time understanding we all don't want the same things. Some women really want to work more (and make more money) while some really just want to be home, or maybe work less. Why can't Sheryl handle that we all don't want to be her?
I live in Alaska and have two chickens in my basement. What barriers to entry (Sheryl) are preventing you from this lifestyle? How can I help you overcome whatever is holding you back from illicit arctic poultry farming? Lean in and move North, I am rather fulfilled after all :)
So here's the deal. I have invented a magic cookie mix. It won't make you very fat, tastes like milk chocolate goodness, and is filled with fabulous antioxidants!!! Yum, yum.
The catch is: you need to buy 5 bags from me. And then, promise to sell 10 more bags to 10 other people--you can keep half your profit of course. Just make sure the new cookie enthusiasts find 20 more mix buyers!! And we'll all be happy, successful, rich and up to our ears in cookie dough! Goodie!.... It's called economic growth. Just like building tons of skyscrapers in Dubai, drilling endlessly for oil in the Arctic or piling beige condos on former wetlands.. More and more.
But wait!! My cookie project is called a pyramid scheme! And those are considered very naughty.....(As I need more and more consumers to keep purchasing my cookie mix). But wait-- the global economy doesn't need that ??!!
There's this little meeting called the World Economic Forum (WEF). These do nothings sit around scheming and talking about global economics. Recently, they converged and put their pointy heads together---identifying the biggest problems of our economic future. Which were: Slower productivity (i.e. cookie mix making) and a dramatic decrease in the global birth rate! (the cookie eaters and bakers). The economists warn and shake their pale fingers--global growth is now in peril!! Social rest is imminent!!! Because we don't know what else to do, but "grow" the economy!! duh.
These poindexters say all this with a straight face. Like we should totally reverse all population control programs, make more babies, pave the earth and strip mine the moon.
Maybe we could just triple our population, eat all the wild animals and then live under the sea like Sponge Bob.
Geez, I am still waiting for the "great economic minds" to realize that a pyramid scheme is a pyramid scheme, even when it is all jazzed up and called "Global Economic Growth"...
Once again, for no real rhyme or reason, our neighborhood experienced a power outage last night. The electric company reports it was some sort of "grid failure" blah, blah. But it looks to me like southcentral Alaska just can't cope with it's inevitable population growth.... I mean come on--why are we now having weekly grocery shortages?? in 2015 ? but not back in 2002 ?
But I regress...so we had a power outage. As I heard the obnoxious neighborhood generators kicking in-- I ran to my silent, much less annoying survival tool....
A giant bag of votive candles! Yes! I finally had a good excuse for having purchased 100 candles (on sale AND made in Canada no less!)
Match after match, I enjoyed myself immensely. Lighting little lights all along the stairs, around the kitchen and throughout the bathrooms. What a beautiful sight ! The whole house flickering in silence.
I cuddled up with a good book and asked my sensible husband why he wasn't coming to bed. Apparently, he was unable to.
"Because somebody has to blow out all these darn candles".
I have recently been seeking and searching out condominium accommodations in the Lower 48. I'm no fool, and did know that rules and regulations grow like weeds down yonder. But I wasn't expecting the stinging nettles I stumbled upon: "breed restrictions."
In my innocent search for a pet-friendly apartment, I totally expected to encounter limits on weight, amounts or farm animals...the usual suspects. And even the words "breed restrictions" (to me at least) brings on the typical 'stereotypes' of "unruly" dogs. The often picked on pitts and rotties. But the crazy "breed restriction" lists I encountered included all sorts of dogs: German shepherds. Akitas. Siberian huskies. Dalmatians. Saint Bernards (ok, I get this one--drool alert!) and Malmalutes ?! It went on and on...The most insane part was, the last line "and any mix of mentioned breeds". What does that mean??? If you have a mutt, a real mutt--how could you possibly know or prove what "mix" your dog contains? And what percentage counts as being related to the offending breed?? Outrageous!
Where do people even get these outdated, doggy discriminatory ideas from?? They will say: well the dog was bred to do "x"--(insert unwanted behavior). But isn't that racist? Like saying: well Swedish women were bred to be blonde, blue eyed and love lingonberries! Besides, the wildest "dog breeds" I have seen in Alaska are wolf-hybrids and sled dogs--now these beauties aren't on their little list are they? Guess I know what kind of dog I'll be bringing along to the condo ;)
When one utters the term "break-up" in Alaska, there are no scorned lovers. Quite the opposite-- break-up is a positive time--meaning the ice is breaking and a spring thaw is in the air.
Now 2015 has been a warmish, mostly snow-free winter for south-central Alaska. Nevertheless, it's not exactly Hawaii-- the ground did freeze up, and covered itself with a light layer of snow.
But, low and behold, it is all melting this week. 44 degrees, with rain--prime "break-up" weather. Feels like April, except it isn't-- it's January 16!
Of course this freakishly warm weather sends me outdoors, to pick up stray dog feces, sticks and enjoy the chinook winds. And as they blow their warm breezes--I remember what I love best about Alaska.
It's that feeling of spring in the wilderness, after a long winter (although this year we are cheating). When the days get brighter, and the mountains are melting. We have always lived with our yard backing to Chugach state park--the better to hear the stillness. But break-up blossoms into special sounds. When the red squirrels chatter a bit louder, and the soulful arctic birds screech in their peculiar way. I am no birder, and can't identify who is making those songs. Yet, they echo throughout the forest and bounce off the mountain peaks --and I have only heard them in the Alaskan morning.
It's important to hear these sounds alone. To just listen and feel that you are one with them, very small and tiny on this beautiful earth. I just wish everyone could experience it, and then maybe they too would understand that we need the wilderness, we just do.
I was glancing at the headlines in Google News the other day, and just became more and more annoyed. The pansy National Weather Service was issuing this warning and that warning to "cover every inch of exposed skin", because heaven forbid, the temperatures may dip to the teens and wind chill may hit zero!!
First of all, if an Alaskan ever complained about "wind chill" everyone would fall over in a ball of laughter. We aIl know it is a fake and made-up term. Might as well say your 'room temperature' changes each time a woman experiencing a hot flash walks by....
I have yet to hear the silly "wind chill" term uttered in Alaska---even after living in the midst of glacier valley winds in the Matanuska-Susitna valley!! And those aren't some sort of baby wind chill winds. No, Alaska wind is called M#$%#$^$*^#* wind!
And what's with the "cover all exposed skin?" Has my (or any other Alaskan's) skin become thicker after living up here so long?!!? I'm actually a bit freaked out--does my family now have freakishly thick polar skin??? And I didn't even notice!?? Gross!!!
Case in point--my son's elementary school. Never canceled recess. That's right--kids were outside up to -12 degrees, playing, laughing and what have you--with exposed skin. And if it was above 5 degrees, they would sweat and lose their coats in the bushes. (But, they did once cancel recess, when some M#$%*&%$@# winds blew in).
The other day, I was driving my 10 year old son to his sport activity. I told him-- "you know, you really should be wearing a coat--it is about 18 degrees outside. "
And he looked at me in horror and said: "why do I need a coat?"
All I could come up with was," because in the lower 48-- people would freak out!"
My poor Alaskan born child knows one thing: he has never seen a child fall over dead because they forgot to wear a coat. (and if they feel cold enough--they have a crazy idea, it's called--"go back inside.")
Granted, the kids do catch colds (from germs), -- but I have yet to see frostbite on the little buggers, even after a long winter of daily outdoor recess.
Not denying that frostbite exists, and people do get chilled and die--but in Alaska, at least, it seems to happen at any temperature (even 40 degrees) , and involves becoming wet, often when wearing cotton. (Cotton kills! they say out here.)
And I sure have seen frostbite damaged skin, but again--on dog mushers--exposed to days and days of negative zero temps, and that crazy arctic wind!
Obviously, you want to protect the elderly, frail and babies from the elements...but the Weather Service could at least acknowledge that us Arctic people exist --and the human species does not spontaneously combust when the temperature goes below zero!!!
I'm really not sure who started the madness. Was it HGTV?? Ruthless developers? Or just some bozo who ran out of paint.
But they sure have pulled a fast one on the American people. Convincing honest, hard working folks, to deeply loathe the thought of any color entering their homes. And I'm not talking white walls here folks-- No, no-- I'm talking about the bizarre brainwashing cult that worships shades of beige. Encouraging the types of homes that make me recoil in horror... light beige siding, oatmeal carpet, neutral walls, beige-like tiles, light brown couches--and 'radical' espresso colored cabinets!(which in full disclosure, should be referred to as dark beige.)
Nobody really likes these colors. They just think they have to--out of fear that they will get a tacky ticket or something. Completely oblivious that the human soul is pre-wired to enjoy color. It is a biological fact!
Case in point: do people enjoy sunsets because they are light brown?? Do you want to swim in a beige pool or a beautiful azure colored sea? Do you like sunny days and bright green lawns? Fields of wildflowers and fall colored leaves? Or dreary clouds and pavement. And yes, yes I know you rainy, foggy, pavement lovers do exist...but that's a you issue.
Stop the conspiracy and grab your paint cans! Let us enjoy some color in our homes for crying out loud!!!
