I am most certainly not the first person to recognize that the NFL is simply a group of modern day Gladiators (nor the last). Yet I do feel compelled to comment on it...
Somehow we think that as 'modern Americans' we are less barbaric than the ancient Romans because we pay our gladiators great sums of money, don't kill them on the spot and dress them up in feminine nylon pants.
While the football stars frolic in their tight pants, the crowd revels in watching their multiple head injuries. Carrying players off the field with a concussion is all part of the great fun!! I for one, was not at all surprised to see that former players with advanced dementia are now suing the NFL. To me it makes sense--dementia is a long and terrible battle. How is enjoying a concussion filled sport more "civilized" than maiming gladiators via lion in the Roman times? Just cheer and drink your beer.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
My Apologies to the Store Associate
I suffer from a (let's call it) moderate case of germaphobia. Unlike most folks who fear being left alone in the Alaskan wilderness without bear spray or some sort of rifle, I fear abandonment sans hand sanitizer !
Nevertheless, I ventured forth to the local grocery store this morning. Hoping to avoid the germy cart, I decided to simply carry my meager items through the store aisles. As I was walking towards the toilet paper section (all the while balancing an assortment of containers in my arms) I became temporarily distracted by the disinfectant display. There amongst the cans and sprays was a sign proclaiming: "look what's new!" It was lemon scented Lysol. This was quite a treat for germaphobic me--as my husband and I had long ago given up on the unbearable scents offered by Lysol, as they often evoked "perfume of cheap whore".
Maybe fake lemon scent would be better??? This got me quite excited. However, as I carefully reached for a can, my precariously held items toppled over, causing the glass container of Santa Cruz lemonade to shatter all over the aisle....Foiled.
Being a guilt filled liberal, I immediately located the nearest store associate and confessed by mess. She was quite nice about it, but did notice the ridiculous pile of groceries and toilet paper I held in my arms, causing her to ask: "don't you need a cart?"
Nevertheless, I ventured forth to the local grocery store this morning. Hoping to avoid the germy cart, I decided to simply carry my meager items through the store aisles. As I was walking towards the toilet paper section (all the while balancing an assortment of containers in my arms) I became temporarily distracted by the disinfectant display. There amongst the cans and sprays was a sign proclaiming: "look what's new!" It was lemon scented Lysol. This was quite a treat for germaphobic me--as my husband and I had long ago given up on the unbearable scents offered by Lysol, as they often evoked "perfume of cheap whore".
Maybe fake lemon scent would be better??? This got me quite excited. However, as I carefully reached for a can, my precariously held items toppled over, causing the glass container of Santa Cruz lemonade to shatter all over the aisle....Foiled.
Being a guilt filled liberal, I immediately located the nearest store associate and confessed by mess. She was quite nice about it, but did notice the ridiculous pile of groceries and toilet paper I held in my arms, causing her to ask: "don't you need a cart?"
Sunday, August 18, 2013
The Facebook Bummer Study
So yet another study has been published as to how Facebook users actually feel worse about themselves after utilizing Facebook. My response to this?--(as my brother used to say) "no shit Sherlock".
Honestly, I don't know that much about Facebook, as I am a conscientious objector to this particular social medium. But what I do know (from the pages I have seen) is that there are really only two ways to approach it.
A) Facebook posters are narcissists. Why do you really want other people to see all your party pictures, baby postings or what have you? It's one thing to send Aunt Jane a pic of little Jimmy catching a fish--but would anyone feel comfortable going on a stage (with say 200 onlookers) and presenting an "all about me" slide show? But isn't this in effect what everyone does on Facebook?? (disclaimer here: I'll admit that as a writer I have my own fair share of narcissistic urges :)
B) Facebook users are voyeuristic... I mean why else would you even go to someone's page and sort through all that nonsense? Maybe the hope is to see that your life is somewhat better than said Facebook poster. But in the end what happens is, you watch someone else's phony 'narcissism presentation' and just feel worse. Thus the bizarre cycle continues...as now you must create an even better narcissistic presentation.....
Honestly, I don't know that much about Facebook, as I am a conscientious objector to this particular social medium. But what I do know (from the pages I have seen) is that there are really only two ways to approach it.
A) Facebook posters are narcissists. Why do you really want other people to see all your party pictures, baby postings or what have you? It's one thing to send Aunt Jane a pic of little Jimmy catching a fish--but would anyone feel comfortable going on a stage (with say 200 onlookers) and presenting an "all about me" slide show? But isn't this in effect what everyone does on Facebook?? (disclaimer here: I'll admit that as a writer I have my own fair share of narcissistic urges :)
B) Facebook users are voyeuristic... I mean why else would you even go to someone's page and sort through all that nonsense? Maybe the hope is to see that your life is somewhat better than said Facebook poster. But in the end what happens is, you watch someone else's phony 'narcissism presentation' and just feel worse. Thus the bizarre cycle continues...as now you must create an even better narcissistic presentation.....
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Why I Don't Understand Your Economy
Let's pretend for a moment here that I am a space alien , happily residing in outer space. My version of reality TV would be watching the USA through my super amazing alien telescope.....!
So what I see down there is quasi-excitement about the US economic recovery. No, no--- I don't care about the debate if the economy is recovering or not--my alien brain is confused about what humans feel are good signs of how... (!)
Let's take the optimistic August 12th Time Magazine article about the 'wonderful' indicators of economic growth (!?) The first indicator of recovery the author mentions: "Housing come back!" So I'll paraphrase here: "Finally new houses are being built again and we can expect more and more as the census bureau predicts US population growth to increase 8% in the next decade!! yippee!"
Ok you weirdos.
Alien here says---where are you going to shove all these new and glorious beige subdivisions?? 8% increase over 10 years means that in the next hundred years, the USA would have to give up millions of acres of forests, green space, farm land, wet lands...you get the picture.... at an unprecedented pace. Not to mention the box stores and rows of Sam's Clubs, Old navy and Sports Authority that is "necessary" to sustain said beige subdivisions...
Then take 'optimistic economic indicator' number two. What the Time article author claims is the awesome sleeping giant: "consumer spending". 70% of the US economy comes from spending. Have not any of you humans read about how all this spending (i.e. clutter) makes folks miserable, depressed?? Notice how landfills and Goodwill drop off centers are filled to the brim? Ever watch the movie Wall-E? (an alien favorite!) So many middle class Americans are already suffering from Costco exhaustion--patio furniture they never use, over sized closets brimming with badly sewn clothing, play rooms filled with plastic toys and storage units galore....And this is something to strive for? Push it upon the whole earth? All in the name of 'economy' ?
I won't even go into the short sighted delights of oozing with glee over new found sources of oil and natural gas...to feed the economic beast of course!
In alien world, this sort of economy would be considered laughable and unsustainable. Unless you silly humans are planning on conquering new planets fairly soon, say goodbye to your earth's green areas, farm land, wildlife, plentiful water and open spaces. An economy that is overly-dependent on population growth is nothing more than a short-sighted pyramid scheme.
So what I see down there is quasi-excitement about the US economic recovery. No, no--- I don't care about the debate if the economy is recovering or not--my alien brain is confused about what humans feel are good signs of how... (!)
Let's take the optimistic August 12th Time Magazine article about the 'wonderful' indicators of economic growth (!?) The first indicator of recovery the author mentions: "Housing come back!" So I'll paraphrase here: "Finally new houses are being built again and we can expect more and more as the census bureau predicts US population growth to increase 8% in the next decade!! yippee!"
Ok you weirdos.
Alien here says---where are you going to shove all these new and glorious beige subdivisions?? 8% increase over 10 years means that in the next hundred years, the USA would have to give up millions of acres of forests, green space, farm land, wet lands...you get the picture.... at an unprecedented pace. Not to mention the box stores and rows of Sam's Clubs, Old navy and Sports Authority that is "necessary" to sustain said beige subdivisions...
Then take 'optimistic economic indicator' number two. What the Time article author claims is the awesome sleeping giant: "consumer spending". 70% of the US economy comes from spending. Have not any of you humans read about how all this spending (i.e. clutter) makes folks miserable, depressed?? Notice how landfills and Goodwill drop off centers are filled to the brim? Ever watch the movie Wall-E? (an alien favorite!) So many middle class Americans are already suffering from Costco exhaustion--patio furniture they never use, over sized closets brimming with badly sewn clothing, play rooms filled with plastic toys and storage units galore....And this is something to strive for? Push it upon the whole earth? All in the name of 'economy' ?
I won't even go into the short sighted delights of oozing with glee over new found sources of oil and natural gas...to feed the economic beast of course!
In alien world, this sort of economy would be considered laughable and unsustainable. Unless you silly humans are planning on conquering new planets fairly soon, say goodbye to your earth's green areas, farm land, wildlife, plentiful water and open spaces. An economy that is overly-dependent on population growth is nothing more than a short-sighted pyramid scheme.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
The Amazing Alaska Burger King
About 10 years ago, there was once a Burger King in downtown Palmer, Alaska. I remember it well, as we once drove up to their take out window and ordered a milk shake. The response I got (and I quote) was:
"Sorry folks ---no more milkshakes. We don't have an ice cream machine, the Wasilla Burger King stoled it" (stoled is the common Alaska form for the word stole)....
Either way, I'm no fan of the Wasilla Burger King ever since spotting patrons nonchalantly twirling hand guns in the parking lot...But they do have an ice cream machine! Nevertheless, the abused Palmer Burger King soon shut down and was replaced by a Dairy Queen.
One or two Burger Kings still exist in Anchorage though, and we recently made the attempt to venture inside one.
It seemed normal enough upon entry---cashiers, tables, burger smell. But the illusion soon diminished upon ordering. My son requested chicken tenders and fries with ketchup---easy enough. "Sorry, no ketchup available" we were told. No ketchup? Ok....
I proceeded to order a whopper junior. "Sorry--the grill is down--no burgers today."
Hmm, quite puzzling, our choices were now rather diminished. Yet the icing on the cake (for my son) was when they thought he would accept a kids meal with no ice cream -- (sorry---machine broken!) At which point the poor child begged me to get out of there as fast as possible....
So all in all, as a jaded Alaskan, I was pretty impressed at the above average Alaskan incompetency factor for this establishment. Hard to do--so hats off to them!
"Sorry folks ---no more milkshakes. We don't have an ice cream machine, the Wasilla Burger King stoled it" (stoled is the common Alaska form for the word stole)....
Either way, I'm no fan of the Wasilla Burger King ever since spotting patrons nonchalantly twirling hand guns in the parking lot...But they do have an ice cream machine! Nevertheless, the abused Palmer Burger King soon shut down and was replaced by a Dairy Queen.
One or two Burger Kings still exist in Anchorage though, and we recently made the attempt to venture inside one.
It seemed normal enough upon entry---cashiers, tables, burger smell. But the illusion soon diminished upon ordering. My son requested chicken tenders and fries with ketchup---easy enough. "Sorry, no ketchup available" we were told. No ketchup? Ok....
I proceeded to order a whopper junior. "Sorry--the grill is down--no burgers today."
Hmm, quite puzzling, our choices were now rather diminished. Yet the icing on the cake (for my son) was when they thought he would accept a kids meal with no ice cream -- (sorry---machine broken!) At which point the poor child begged me to get out of there as fast as possible....
So all in all, as a jaded Alaskan, I was pretty impressed at the above average Alaskan incompetency factor for this establishment. Hard to do--so hats off to them!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Packing Heat on the Quint Family Hike
Before moving to Alaska, I spent quite a bit of time in the Catskill mountains of New York State. Just a few hours north of New York City, anyone can easily find themselves smack in the middle of black bear country. Car loads of hipsters, kids and assorted urbanites stumble upon these bears quite regularly. And you know what happens then? Absolutely nothing.
After the hipsters take their pictures, the disinterested bear continues on its merry way to the garbage dumpster. Even the local children's camp I once frequented, tolerates black bears as weekly visitors-- without much hoopla, fear or any type of arsenal.
Now forward to Alaska. They say everything is bigger, scarier and wilder out here. But the black bears I've seen (and in 11 years that's a lot)---look about the same as those in NY. The most obvious difference is their disinterest (i.e. conditioning) to hang out at the local garbage dumpsters. Yet, some people totally fear the Alaskan black bear. Either it is a case of mistaken identity--having no clue that they are not the larger, rarer, aggressive Grizzlies.. Or maybe all that dumpster diving back east makes bears happier???
Whatever it is, fear of bears produces a peeve of mine:...the Alaskan family visibly packing all sorts of hand guns, rifles and what have you on a short hike (no, not a hunting trip). Stumbling upon "gun family" on the trail is so much more unnerving to me than any type of encounter with a bear.
Are they trigger happy? Why couldn't they just pack bear spray instead ?( recommended to be more effective anyway). What are these people really up to? Not to mention the knee jerk reaction to shoot at whatever large thing may be wiggling in the bushes.
I'm sure one could easily defend the "packing heat" family as simply good folks that do understand the behaviors of an angry Grizzly bear (and I'm not down playing the Grizzly here--- they do wreck havoc every year on the Alaskan trails).
But the truth of the matter is, if you are not comfortable with your "bear aware" training (and a good can of bear spray)--why are you bringing your family to that particular park or trail in the first place?
If there was some urban neighborhood that I felt was so scary that I needed to pack two visible handguns just for a stroll ---would I even go??
Sharing the trails and parks with the Alaskan wilderness is a blessing for all of us. The bears do not invite us into our home, we just go anyway. But uninvited guests don't necessarily have the right to kill the occupants who are just "standing their ground" or minding their own business.
After the hipsters take their pictures, the disinterested bear continues on its merry way to the garbage dumpster. Even the local children's camp I once frequented, tolerates black bears as weekly visitors-- without much hoopla, fear or any type of arsenal.
Now forward to Alaska. They say everything is bigger, scarier and wilder out here. But the black bears I've seen (and in 11 years that's a lot)---look about the same as those in NY. The most obvious difference is their disinterest (i.e. conditioning) to hang out at the local garbage dumpsters. Yet, some people totally fear the Alaskan black bear. Either it is a case of mistaken identity--having no clue that they are not the larger, rarer, aggressive Grizzlies.. Or maybe all that dumpster diving back east makes bears happier???
Whatever it is, fear of bears produces a peeve of mine:...the Alaskan family visibly packing all sorts of hand guns, rifles and what have you on a short hike (no, not a hunting trip). Stumbling upon "gun family" on the trail is so much more unnerving to me than any type of encounter with a bear.
Are they trigger happy? Why couldn't they just pack bear spray instead ?( recommended to be more effective anyway). What are these people really up to? Not to mention the knee jerk reaction to shoot at whatever large thing may be wiggling in the bushes.
I'm sure one could easily defend the "packing heat" family as simply good folks that do understand the behaviors of an angry Grizzly bear (and I'm not down playing the Grizzly here--- they do wreck havoc every year on the Alaskan trails).
But the truth of the matter is, if you are not comfortable with your "bear aware" training (and a good can of bear spray)--why are you bringing your family to that particular park or trail in the first place?
If there was some urban neighborhood that I felt was so scary that I needed to pack two visible handguns just for a stroll ---would I even go??
Sharing the trails and parks with the Alaskan wilderness is a blessing for all of us. The bears do not invite us into our home, we just go anyway. But uninvited guests don't necessarily have the right to kill the occupants who are just "standing their ground" or minding their own business.
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