You Can't Have it Both Ways Gobble Gobble

I see a turkey gobbling away. This one has no feathers-- but does walk on two feet. Perhaps I speak of the ridiculous human?
Why oh why do they love to decry: "the culture of materialism, the shopping, the black Friday?'
Don't blame Best Buy or Macy's for crying out loud!--blame the so called 'economists.' (Those nerds who smugly sit by and pull the puppet strings of capitalism.)
Nobody bats an eye when the Wall Street Journal goes on and on about the glory of "consumer spending" and oh how will it "strengthen our economy". Nobody notices at all..in fact this is all they can come up with for a global model you know.
"Germans need to spend more and stop exporting, Japan needs to spend more...blah, blah...."
Yet no economist EVER talks about the typical middle class home stuffed to the gills with crappy Dora the Explorer bedspreads, PlayStation games, particle board coffee tables, and giant jars of mayonnaise. Everyone is miserable as they drown in their piles of stuff, all the while trying to figure out why they need to work so hard "just to get ahead".....
The economists say this is all glorious, because we are creating even more eager little consumers in Asia (as we buy piles and piles of their cheap clothes). So they in turn can consume what interests them: like elephant ivory for crying out loud!!
I have heard that turkeys are such silly creatures that they turn their heads up at the rain--causing them to drown. When will we learn that humans may just drown in their own silliness ???

Over that Guilt

Not too long ago I was struck by a pang of guilt for enjoying some global warming here in Alaska. Well the snowy state decided that wouldn't do, and returned back to it's standard habit of blasting me with relentless arctic air..
I always forget that one of the most annoying things about -10F is the bizarre dryness. My hair gets this wacky texture, not to mention the way it stands on end from the static electricity. Static which increases to a ridiculous amount due to the wool socks one is required to wear in this weather. There is also that peculiar way your nostrils freeze shut as you run out to plug the car in at night.
But I am choosing to embrace the dessert dryness for now, using it as a good reason to launder those awkward items-- pillow shams and a slip cover for the couch. Simply lay out to dry and voila! It's almost freaky to watch the moisture disappear.....Now only if some of it would land on my crazy hair. 

Exotic Grand Rapids

I know we are becoming "bushy".  The kind of people who reside in the Alaskan backcountry and who show up (without irony) to the grand opening of the new Walgreens in town...
But it is also affecting the child. On a recent school assignment, he was asked to explain "what makes him special"...Should I have even been surprised when he wrote: "because I have been to Macaroni Grill, seen a real deer, and been to Europe." (in that order)
Not the fact that he sees moose and bears all the time, or has walked on glaciers.
No, to him the lower 48 is as exotic as any European vacation.
And unfortunately it is true. Last summer, we spent a few days in the locale of Grand Rapids Michigan. And to us backwoods Alaskans it was fascinating.
We experienced the wonders of dark summer nights (and lightning bugs!). Grocery stores filled with different brands of milk, pizzas and cakes. And outdoor swimming pools. Not to mention a few of those white tailed deer and of course--Macaroni Grill. 
We were exasperated at all the wonders...Which is why of course my son is special--he has seen a deer after all...

Dancing on Our Own Graves

Yes, yes-- I am just as guilty as the rest of them. By 'them' I mean all the happy Alaskans. As you see, we are once again in a record breaking warm spell. I actually witnessed the afternoon temperature hit a toasty 51 degrees today--with full sunshine to boot!
People are out jogging, skipping, strolling...partaking in lower 48 "fall-like" activities. Not helplessly slogging through the snow, as is normal for Halloween time in Southcentral AK.
You can't escape all the cheerful banter around you either--as folks keep on talking, commenting or just orgasmicly smiling about the weather..
The cat is out of the bag : Alaskans love them some Global warming!

So as a so called "liberal", am I supposed to not enjoy it? Feel guilt instead of insane pleasure at the mere thought of not having to wear my winter boots?
I'll save that thought for another day, for right now I feel the need to just revel in the moment ..

The Tradition of the Sauna

For quite some time now, I have been well aware of the Finnish/Baltic/Russian traditional sauna. In other words---a sacred steam bath, historically revered in Northern European countries.
Up until now, I had not thought too much about it--maybe just a passing idea, that worshipping a steamy cabin filled with naked family members was a bit quirky, at best. 
But after these many cold and unforgiving Alaskan winters--- I finally get it!
Why would so called 'stoic' Northerners have an almost obsessive relationship with a silly steam bath??
At some time, I was led to believe it was all about bathing. But now that I am older, colder and wiser---I feel that is complete hogwash. Let's consider that maybe these strong, hearty relatives of the Vikings were simply freezing to death ?! I can attest that living in a Northern land, with nothing but winter cold and darkness, leads one to maniacally worship warmth.
We do know the traditional European sauna was historically utilized for enjoyable gatherings and all sorts of ritualistic purposes...
But maybe all the hoopla was never about hygiene after all??...But in fact a perpetual excuse to get back into the sauna and warm up cold Nordic butt ?!!
The terms "hot water vapor" and "spirit" are interchangeable in many of these Northern European languages. And why not??  If a room filled with steamy, warm mist is the only thing that makes life bearable--- better worship it! 

Admit You are a Wolf

Listening to public radio this morning, I happened to hear a wise Native woman discussing human prejudices against the royal canis lupus--more commonly known as the wolf. That big, bad wolf-- nemesis of forest dwelling people, ranchers and grandma throughout history. One of the theories presented for this stretch of hatred, was that wolves remind humans of their own worse qualities...
Of course they do!!! Everyone knows that wolves are obsessed with pack behavior--while humans conveniently overlook their own obsessions with discrimination, tribalism, rotary clubs and cliques!! And what about bullying? Wolves would love cyberbullying if only they had access to iphones! Imagine the poor omega wolf getting all those facebook posts: "go away stinky omega, find your own pack... loser....!"
Wolves also tend to hunt in groups and have been observed attacking neighboring wolf packs to obtain their territory (my goodness!) Ever hear of war? A game us "evolved" humans happen to engage in on a regular basis...?

The way I see it, there is no shame in being just like the wolves. Because for every brutal quality they may exhibit--there is also incredible tenderness. Like their efficient system of raising pups as a family pack (must have read Hillary C's 'Takes a Village'...) "Aunt" and "Uncle" wolves willingly babysit, while the alpha wolves go off to explore and hunt. And nobody questions their intelligence or playfulness. Probably should also admire their loyalty--howling to one another in order to locate fellow pack members, then joyfully greeting each other upon return!
 Maybe the "wolf mirror" doesn't only reflect what we don't want to see, but also the qualities we think we could use more of?

New Allergy: Northernus Terribulus

So I woke up with a terrible allergic reaction--sneezing, coughing, runny nose. Running the potential allergen checklist off in my head (pollen, cats, and avocado) I deduced none of these substances could possibly be in my bedroom.
Sneezing away, I had the unfortunate urge to open up the bedroom curtains. And to my horror--came face to face with my new September allergen:  SNOW!
White, fluffy snow. And no matter what they say on the radio about it "not accumulating" those newscasters are full of crap. It is totally accumulating in my yard. On the trees, cars, deck--all looks like a freakin Christmas card...
I wonder why all those people with their "think snow" bumper stickers don't move on up to Alaska and see for themselves what 9 months of snow feels like??!! We had three snow free months in my back yard this year--June, July and August. And the frozen white stuff still sat up in the high peaks and mocked me throughout one of the warmest summers in Alaskan history! And thank goodness for that record breaking summer heat, because otherwise I just may have packed up and left my poor family behind....
ps-- I am in no way denying climate change at all--as I completely understand this is the change we get--increased cold precipitation soaking our soggy northern selves! arghhhh!
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