Never Ending Poop Saga

Now that the excavator showed up and dug up our sewer line one would think that my poop lifestyle would finally come to a reprieve. Unfortunately, I have no such luck.
After the excavator left, my husband mentioned he had chatted with him briefly about the septic tank. It appears that (behind my back) the dude mentioned to my husband that the entrance to our septic was jammed with a "kotex like material". WTF does that imply?
Am I so stupid (being the sole female in the household) to not know that after 9 years of living with a septic system I should not flush a giant maxi pad down the toilet?? Doesn't every woman on earth know not to do such a thing? (Even in a city system.) Did we have crazy guests over just itching to dispose of their feminine products down our country toilet??? Or do imps and gnomes show up and flush kotex down my toilet? What could this "product" really be?

Luckily the power went out due to a windstorm that knocked the neighbors tree down--distracting me from fuming about the sexist assumption that women screw up septic systems...So we took the dogs to the "self-serve dog wash"--a popular thing in Alaska instead of fancy groomers. Two hours later the beasts were brushed and clean. Unfortunately the dogs don't think of this as clean--they think of it as "odor vulnerable" or something like that.
The first thing they do at home is try to rub their necks in dirt (I have been told that is where the scent glands are). We steered them away from this activity, and they spent the night smelling like spring breezes and sunshine.
Of course the following day, they had had enough and sensed their canine opportunity when I opened the front door--sprinting past me in a mad gallop...heading for the hills. I can never stop the 120 pounds of determined muscle when they decide to knock me over and run away. I had a good idea where they were heading though--the neighbors house.
Sure enough, they returned only 20 minutes later, and Dingbat was covered with a yellow substance--horse manure. She just had to roll in horse manure...! That will show us to stop trying to get away from our poop-centric lifestyle...good grief, it's my calling.

My Life of Crap

Ok, this is not an entry complaining about my life, or saying it is crappy--it is not crappy in the sense one might think, but in the literal sense: just crap, poop, manure.
It all begins with the excessive pet situation here at the house. One rescue dog, one stray that never went away, and two elderly cats set via Northwest airlines to our home...
Obviously the combo of these critters produce a lot of waste (oh did I mention that the dogs are 50 pounds plus and the cats are FAT) It is obviously my job to deal with their waste--and I hate poop piles on the lawn, so I am out there scooping away...
Speaking of poop piles--the moose is just like any other inefficient ungulate--it just walks and poops all day long , leaving behind these large towers of olives--they don't even decompose or collapse--so I have no choice but to scoop 'em too. (I didn't mean to imply I have a personal moose, I don't--it is everyone's to share in the neighborhood).
Lastly, is the sewer lagoon underneath my home. This is by far the crappiest. Sometimes we joke--"do we even have indoor plumbing?" As my sewer pipe seems to overflow whenever it feels like it. It does this is in the most interesting way--by blowing out the giant steel clean-out plug on the main line, without any warning to us. Resulting in a blast of sewage pouring into the basement--at which point it takes a few days for the odor to creep back up the pipes and remind us: "don't look in the basement, you don't want to know".....
So finally we paid the sewer guy $275 to film a "dirty movie" down our sewer line to see why it has this magical power to gross out our home. And it appears the line outside has buckled/bellied, another way to say: it fell into a sink hole.
So a fun excavator dude will be coming to dig it all up soon--and maybe the poop party will end once and for all for us...but what can I do about all those pets??