When in Fairbanks....

After living in Alaska for too many years already, I am quite familiar with the complete disinterest that many proprietors have in business revenue. Maybe it's the lack of competition, maybe it's the weather. But it is what it is.   
In south central Alaska this transpires into the unusual way we choose electricians, plumbers or other such service personnel--- a technical and elaborate process called: " whoever actually shows up." Or there is the other method: "the one that finally returned my calls"....
However, this fantastic service can always be topped by a trip to Fairbanks.
We were on a recent journey to the North Star Borough when our dog Little Bear treated us to an unwelcome surprise. It was really our own fault: expecting a 10 year old male dog to endure 9 hours without a pee break...So he simply took matters into his own hands, and relieved himself on a cover cloth, right in the back of the SUV. Needless to say, we had no way of dealing with the soaked material. The only logical choice was to head on over to the local Laundromat as soon as possible.
Seemed normal enough at first, deposited our coins in the washer and washed the cloth.
But the interesting part was the drying. Thinking I was in a Laundromat, I dropped my coins into a dryer and walked away, expecting actual drying--the carriage was spinning after all. Needless to say, upon returning to my item, I discovered it was still just as wet--no heat (although set to high). I looked up at a sign above the dryers and it said: "check for heat". Odd.
Very well then. I tried another dryer-- depositing my quarters, and again-- no heat. Third dryer was the charm -- and it performed its intended function: drying.
I walked over to the staff and told them: "Well dryer x and y had no heat, maybe you could put up a sign that they don't work ?"
The response I got was: "No, they may just work later on. We hate those things."
I had no idea how to respond to that.
Apparently in Fairbanks there is a strange policy of denial. Reinforced to us a few hours later, as we entered the lobby of the Chena Hot Springs pool area. It was completely dark and quiet. Staff was accepting 'cash only' for pool entry. An obvious power outage. I asked: "is there a power outage?" I received the reply: "no". 
So we proceeded to go down the dark hallway and change in the locker rooms lit by multiple candles. People kept asking the staff: "when will the electricity be returning? To which the staff would nonchalantly reply--" there is no problem".
So lesson learned, in Fairbanks everything is ok, regardless of what you may be observing. I guess it is a pretty good attitude to have when living in a climate that can get to -49. Just  deny it!

Again With Sheryl Sanberg!

All the hype and talk about Sheryl Sandberg lately is getting pretty exhausting. (you know: the "Lean In" lady).  Supposedly she "predicted" that folks like me would "dislike her for her success". Well I'm not a fan-- not because she is successful--but because I feel she speaks for a minority of women....
Her first assumption is the infamous quote in her book, that if you plan to have children, "finding the right husband/partner is the most important career decision you can make." Well I say pooh to that. Plenty of women don't know if they want children or not until later in life--so please don't assume everyone has it all figured out ahead of time.

Secondly, her super-fantastic corporate life still sounds quite stressful and unpleasant to many--certainly impossible to achieve without domestic help. Quite frankly--I have yet to meet a lady doing the "high powered job thing" who doesn't come across as angry and exhausted. Of course Ms. Sanberg would say--this is why we lean in! (with a perky smile) Hubby helps with the supportive role! Well maybe if you marry some awesome gay man. Unfortunately, quite a few SAHDs (stay at home dads) I know (and do respect to death!) just aren't as intuitively adept at child rearing and multi-tasking as women. It just doesn't work out as wonderfully as one may think it could...
Needless to say, women aren't men, and men are not women. I am all for equal rights, but it does not mean we become exactly the same. I don't want to wear business suits and watch football--so maybe I just don't want the exact same career path as a man, maybe I don't want to be a CEO (gasp!)
I am certainly not submissive, do have a good education, but don't want her life--why does she think I do? It is a disservice to women to put this sort of pressure on them.
If she really cared about empowering women, I wish she would have written a book called "Stop Leaning Over" --for anal sex that is. Does she have any idea how many young women are increasingly exposing themselves to anal tears and HPV just to please a man's silly request? 

How Many Days Left on Earth??

I wonder how many folks paid any attention at all to a speech recently made by Stephen Hawking (spell?) He states, as a matter of fact, that humans have about 1,000 years left before they destroy the earth--in other words--start building those friggin space condos!! 
I'm sure plenty of people are thinking oh--poopy poop--wild speculation. But I for one, do not.
It is actually incredibly logical.
No matter how hard we try (as a few environmental activists have noticed)--the fight against global warming, resource or water conservation, becomes a fight against ourselves. No matter how well intentioned, all folks are not going to give up their luxuries , move into a solar yurt and bike to work... 
How do you fight the innate human desire for a more comfortable life?? There are billions of humans globally just waiting to have an American lifestyle--with fresh water, three bedroom homes, air conditioning, Old Navy disposable blue jeans and a hamburger at lunch time. But nobody wants to admit the math is not possible. The resources, the land , will run out. 

And the optimists shout--"but we'll have laboratory grown meat! And bamboo pants! solar cook stoves!!" But can you stop consumption? And if you had that magic wand--would anybody really want to stop the global economy? The human brain is wired to think (just like the animals) of their own survival first. Long term benefits for the masses --Not so much. There is a saying: there are plenty of fish in the sea. But I'm not so sure.....

Fix Failing Boys and Solve Obesity in 5 Minutes!

Here is something I like to do: give a quick and efficient answer to some long drawn out over-analyzed societal problem. For example: boys failing ! Many minds are fretting about the state of American boys: dropping out of school, not going to college, girls doing better!....So many theories--absent fathers, working mothers, video games ....
But never fear! I have a one-size-fits all response:
Who are today's boys emulating?? Does anyone remember the 70's or 80's? When boys wanted to grow up to be astronauts, doctors, fire chiefs, maybe president?? 
Ask a modern 12 year old boy the same question. My money is on the answer -- 'be a rich rapper or football player!' Mention astronaut or lawyer and their "nerd alert sensor" will go off. Meanwhile, girls are lucky enough to fly beneath the "nerd" radar...Face it, our society currently mocks smart boys. Quit it.
Then there is obesity! Good grief. How over-studied can a societal problem be? Just buy a friggin ticket to Eastern Europe. Sit on the street corner and gasp! No obesity! How is that possible? For one, less cars. Everyone walks and walks and then walks some more. Americans hate walking, they just do. Second, food is priced differently. Healthy food is not more expensive than junk food. And all food actually costs more (compared to income)--you just can't afford to gorge. Lastly kids remember, soda is a treat-- not a beverage! 
There you have it, problem solved--but nobody is listening!

For Once the Internet Did Not Insult Me!

Not a day goes by, where some sort of Spam or adware does not hurl multiple insults my way...Either I need to "look thirty again" or "meet lonely housewives" (?) or purchase a "life alert" or "step in bath tub"--as apparently I continue to slip while showering...
These assumptions are getting quite annoying---and I am fed up with being typecast as a lonely old man!!
But wait--just a few days ago-- Google adware redeemed itself!!!
I had opened a bogus April Fools Day Google account (doesn't everybody?) And this seemed to catch their attention....Some computer somewhere scanned my gag emails and came to a new assumption: this monkey is some sort of prankster.
The adware (with heading: 'Ad recommended for you') was for "Beardo" a fake press on beard and beanie combination! Obviously Google has now concluded that I have picked my senior ass up off the bathroom floor--and am ready to put on a fake beard and hit the streets! Look out world--here I come!