What's the Deal With Wind Chill ?

Well I found out I am not the only Alaskan that finds the "horrible weather" updates from the, Lower 48 a tad bit annoying. Instead of sympathy--us Northerners feel more like "ugh, what's with the griping?"

That said-- I do feel badly for those who have power outages in subzero temps-- especially if you don't have a wood stove or generator. Sympathies to all of you!

However, the real Alaskan head-scratcher is this: why the heck is everyone in the Lower 48 obsessed with 'wind chill'? The silly ominous term, that serves no real purpose, except to invoke some sort of winter-time pity party!?!? Weather reports on Alaskan TV, never talk about pansy "wind chill", it's considered a completely foreign, fake and depressing concept. 

Not that we don't have wind, or chill for that matter. But harping on "wind chill" is equivalent to banging your head against the wall.  Why would you want to make people feel even more miserable in the cold and dreary winter by emphasizing-- "it's even colder that you think outside!!!" Here are some "fake chill" numbers to really get you grumpy this morning! There's no purpose whatsoever, except to make Joe Ohio feel like a tough guy, because he "braved that wind chill, you know"...

Perhaps some Lower 48 meteorologist will argue that the 'wind chill' numbers help people prepare for conditions outside-- sorry, not buying that. If you don't have the good sense to put on a coat and warm hat when it's cold outside, not sure scary imaginary numbers will help that.

For Crying Out Loud--Take Your Vitamins People!

Honestly, I really want to have a pity-party for my poor Alaskan self right now. Why can't I enjoy engaging in a "crisis emergency situation" each time it friggin snows outside or goes below zero degrees???? Why do us Alaskans have to "suck up" the windstorms, daily icy road conditions, and subzero temps?? I assume it's because we don't have the good sense to pack up and move to Philadelphia ?? What fun it would be to run around like a chicken with my head cut off every time it may snow 6 inches!
 But whatever, I will try a more enlightened path (insert cliche here)....and send some helpful goodwill towards my fellow human beings...here goes:
Basically,  "the powers that may be", continue to fund crappy and flawed vitamin studies!! Don't listen to them and save yourself!! Over and over these bizarre fu%$#* up studies appear. And I calm myself down, thinking--well those headlines will disappear... no worries... But then I get hit in the face again and again with the rehashed line: "according to recent research, vitamins are a waste of money"...
Oh my goodness!! Its' kind of like the baby formula companies that tried to shame ladies out of breastfeeding years ago! 
I was somewhat relieved to see that Oregon State researchers recently pointed out this craziness. That giving mini-vitamin doses to the Mitt Romney crowd (healthy and well heeled) results only in predicted non-results (duh!)... The malnourished are never represented, nor are standardized, proper doses (i.e. larger) even attempted (what are they afraid of ????) success I assume !!?? I have seen this very same blasphemy against Vitamin C and D. And now they are going after the multivitamins.  Is there some sort of weird need for rickets to return? Are people even paying attention to the food -- raised in depleted soil with less nutrients than ever before?? Folks-- let the Whole Foods crowd flush their multis down the toilet, as they smugly suck down a grass-fed calf liver and salmon smoothie...but please remember --the rest of us may just need to take a vitamin after all!!

Cat vs. Coyote

I find it quite enchanting that the American landscape is currently teeming with coyotes. Their chilling howls and raucous giggles, are a fantastic antidote to the relentless pursuit of paving and taming North America.
Although this fantastic four legged creature is not unique to Alaska, suburban coyote traplines probably are. I speak of the wayward officer portrayed in the infamous "AK state troopers". It appears he feels he has performed a great public service by placing (what I assume) are leg hold traps in residential neighborhoods---to trap these horrific pests. And what "crime" has the graceful coyote committed ?? Apparently it is his love of feasting on fat house cat. (not to mention the nice sum his pelt is worth)
Yes, yes it's true--my husband himself saw a coyote happily prancing across the road with a large house cat in its jowls. I know of neighbors who have lost a cat, and spoken to others who have also witnessed the joyous bounce of a coyote skipping off with a cat snack....(mmm, like a nice sugary doughnut! filled with junky cat food!)
Honestly folks, I am no cat hater. Even have a pet cat. But why in the world would a so-called cat lover complain that a coyote took their cat? It is incomprehensible to me. Did the coyote break down the door, enter the living room and steal poor kitty right from her scratching post?? I think not. Is this something like the old Road Runner show, where the coyote is ordering all sorts of contraptions from the Acme co. in order to cause cat chaos?? Please people--If you want your cat to be outdoors, then accept what outdoors means--disease, cars, dogs, mean kids and yes, coyotes. And if you don't like those risks--then keep you cat inside, trap those automobiles and leave my wild canine friend alone!

Reverse Santa

I may just offend someone here..... But folks I know (and see all around me in Southcentral Alaska) are drowning. Not in water, snow or cash, but in their own stuff.
Yes, yes you might want to remind me about the "economy"--but trouble is, that in America, people still somehow manage to get their hands on vast piles of good old fashioned stuff, goods, doo-dads, gadgets and widgets. It can't hurt that the local stores have clearance racks filled with brand new $3 or $4 clothing items--less than a cheeseburger for crying out loud!!
Take the donation bins in Alaska. They all say "clothes only", but people are so desperate to dump their "stuff", that there has been a huge problem with people leaving used coffee pots, toys, couches, and bags and bags of clothes in front of, on top of and for miles around these bins. It has actually become a criminal matter.
And not only in Alaska. I have tried to bring items to a Goodwill in Kingston, NY (not exactly Beverly Hills) and they totally freaked out that they have "too much stuff" already.
So what gives?? Or how about not gives?? Exactly my idea!
Let's do reverse Santa. Any house that wants items removed, could put up a little flag (like in the quaint old days for mail) and Santa Claus would come with his EXTRA big sled and just haul it all away. 
Probably will need some extra flying reindeer, but I'm sure that can be arranged. Then he brings all this American stuff up to the North Pole. Vast amounts of elves would sort through the lawn furniture, televisions, DVD's, and cheap jeans.  They could have polar recycling facilities powered by the Northern Lights. Maybe these items could become a new renewable fuel source? Of course some could be relocated. But I am afraid so many third world countries need food and shelter, that they really wouldn't have a use for exercise equipment and particle board coffee tables. But maybe Santa could figure it out, He is Santa after all.

You Can't Have it Both Ways Gobble Gobble

I see a turkey gobbling away. This one has no feathers-- but does walk on two feet. Perhaps I speak of the ridiculous human?
Why oh why do they love to decry: "the culture of materialism, the shopping, the black Friday?'
Don't blame Best Buy or Macy's for crying out loud!--blame the so called 'economists.' (Those nerds who smugly sit by and pull the puppet strings of capitalism.)
Nobody bats an eye when the Wall Street Journal goes on and on about the glory of "consumer spending" and oh how will it "strengthen our economy". Nobody notices at all..in fact this is all they can come up with for a global model you know.
"Germans need to spend more and stop exporting, Japan needs to spend more...blah, blah...."
Yet no economist EVER talks about the typical middle class home stuffed to the gills with crappy Dora the Explorer bedspreads, PlayStation games, particle board coffee tables, and giant jars of mayonnaise. Everyone is miserable as they drown in their piles of stuff, all the while trying to figure out why they need to work so hard "just to get ahead".....
The economists say this is all glorious, because we are creating even more eager little consumers in Asia (as we buy piles and piles of their cheap clothes). So they in turn can consume what interests them: like elephant ivory for crying out loud!!
I have heard that turkeys are such silly creatures that they turn their heads up at the rain--causing them to drown. When will we learn that humans may just drown in their own silliness ???

Over that Guilt

Not too long ago I was struck by a pang of guilt for enjoying some global warming here in Alaska. Well the snowy state decided that wouldn't do, and returned back to it's standard habit of blasting me with relentless arctic air..
I always forget that one of the most annoying things about -10F is the bizarre dryness. My hair gets this wacky texture, not to mention the way it stands on end from the static electricity. Static which increases to a ridiculous amount due to the wool socks one is required to wear in this weather. There is also that peculiar way your nostrils freeze shut as you run out to plug the car in at night.
But I am choosing to embrace the dessert dryness for now, using it as a good reason to launder those awkward items-- pillow shams and a slip cover for the couch. Simply lay out to dry and voila! It's almost freaky to watch the moisture disappear.....Now only if some of it would land on my crazy hair. 

Exotic Grand Rapids

I know we are becoming "bushy".  The kind of people who reside in the Alaskan backcountry and who show up (without irony) to the grand opening of the new Walgreens in town...
But it is also affecting the child. On a recent school assignment, he was asked to explain "what makes him special"...Should I have even been surprised when he wrote: "because I have been to Macaroni Grill, seen a real deer, and been to Europe." (in that order)
Not the fact that he sees moose and bears all the time, or has walked on glaciers.
No, to him the lower 48 is as exotic as any European vacation.
And unfortunately it is true. Last summer, we spent a few days in the locale of Grand Rapids Michigan. And to us backwoods Alaskans it was fascinating.
We experienced the wonders of dark summer nights (and lightning bugs!). Grocery stores filled with different brands of milk, pizzas and cakes. And outdoor swimming pools. Not to mention a few of those white tailed deer and of course--Macaroni Grill. 
We were exasperated at all the wonders...Which is why of course my son is special--he has seen a deer after all...