A Note to the Undecided Voters

Now about those "mysterious" undecided voters. I am pretty sure I know where they lurk, and I think I even know a few of them personally!!
Don't want to stereotype anyone, so I won't mention which sex they are. BUT I have heard their bizarre pre-election comments, like: " I recorded the presidential debates" or "I liked that candidates speech, now I'll vote for them".
The Horrors!!
Especially to me, a never undecided voter, it all seems like crazy speak.
I know how these "undecided" folks think about other issues--like their kids schools or the household budget--they will analyze that to death. So I don't think they are stupid. Just completely ignorant to the political process.

So my thoughts to the "undecided" folks are: imagine that politics is like High School. And you want to vote for homecoming queen. You know the girls that are in the running. One is a total bitch, the other a lesser bitch. Would you vote for the bigger bitch just because she had a nicer poster?? Or gave a good speech or debate? No, as you would know she is being totally phony!

That's politics in a nut shell. Ignore the posters and the advertisements. Ignore everything the politicians say. Read real articles about what the candidates have actually done, from (imagine this!) sources like real newspapers! (not phony weird little newspapers or people who make their living saying mean or paranoid things). There are even fact check websites available--but this is dangerous territory, because if you don't have all day to recheck the legitimacy of the fact checkers, you still may wind up misled. In effect, just remember that every politician is the phony bitch in high school, and it should make the whole process much easier. Better yet, if you are still undecided--maybe stay home.

That Stuff Fell Again

After more than ten years in Alaska, I am no snow enthusiast. But here it is again, that white, fluffy substance all over my yard and driveway. Of course, my son is quite enthused about the frozen stuff--as it signifies that Halloween is really here! (These poor kids who have only grown up in AK normalize the weirdest things--like not being able to see the 4th of July fireworks because it is blazing daylight at midnight).

Nevertheless, I have no choice but to endure. Endure the snow covered pumpkins--that are only put out on the last day-- so bears, moose or jack frost don't get them first. And the trick or treating with heavy winter boots on. Luckily, as the nights get longer and longer this time of year, it is also the "Holiday light transitional phase". Meaning that I counted at least a dozen homes in the vicinity that have decorated their houses and bushes with Christmas lights--and no, these are not Halloween lights. Alaskans are totally not motivated enough to go back out there in the snow and switch the lights! But I did see a few put up their wreaths already--heck why not? Put it next to the snowy pumpkin.  

What Cold Children?

You know you are in Alaska when you see the coat less kids. That's not during the summer time or anything, but in the dead of winter.
I can't figure out if the kids think it's cool, or they just feel hot?
The first time I experienced this phenomena, was many years back when I was stuck behind a school bus. Outside it was 8 degrees fahreinheit. All these middle school kids came off the bus without any coats. Brrr, it was chilly watching them. Next I saw the same type of kids at the grocery store on winter days, sometimes even in shorts! BUT they were middle school kids and driven by strange forces, so who knew how common it was.

But then I noticed that the Mat-Su Valley public school supply list reminds parents to: "Provide your kids with a winter coat!" Interesting reminder, is underware on the list too?
But now I see this issue isn't really about coat reminders or middle school kids. It starts young, whenever a mini-Alaskan is allowed the opportunity to leave the house.

I now have my own offspring on the school playground, and have become familiar with the parental game called ,"where's your coat?" or "Go find your coat". Then we parents spend a good hour searching ditches and bushes for our kids coats. Mind you it's like 20 degrees outside. You don't really care if the children are cold at this point, just annoyed that they keep ditching those nice coats somewhere.

After a few years of living in Alaska, you recognize that children don't fall dead without their coats, so you just accept it. I'm just wondering if this all looks like some kind of crazy child abuse in the Lower 48?

Bored Again?? Really??

For like the fourth time in a month, I have been eagerly asked: So what are you doing this weekend? Yesterday, I overhead an exasperated lady stating that Friday was coming up and she dreaded "figuring out what to do"!?!
I am so utterly perplexed by these statements. Never knowing how to respond, I quickly run away.
Yesterday, I asked my husband--why the heck is everyone bored, with nothing to do??? Yet, we can't even find the time to remount the toilet? (don't ask). Nobody watches TV in our household, or watches any movies...but why??
I came up with a few strategies (or call them incompetence) that lead us to our glorious world of non-boredom.
1--Sell your new construction home, buy a crazy, old home (like we always do) that hasn't been improved in 30 years.  Make sure you don't have enough money to renovate it. Your home will proceed to keep you quite busy (plus up all night). As you are now in charge of plugging every hole, cleaning up the floods, patching, painting and what have you...
2- Try to heat your home with wood. Get a fireplace or woodstove if you need to. Seeking out free firewood is quite a good game. Stacking firewood is like Jenga for giants. When it topples, you are sure to have a whole extra hour of play time!
3- Practice inefficiency. Bag Costco. Do your grocery shopping daily, with a small bag like they do in Europe--then make sure to live very far from the market, so just getting some milk becomes this long hassle.
4- Cook from scratch. Here is one of our favorites. We make sure to make pancakes every weekend. This requires boiling up some home made syrup--if you can't pick the berries, buy a bag of frozen raspberries. And then making two batches of pancakes--gluten free and high gluten with tons of butter, that way everyone is happy. The whole process (including eating & clean up) takes two hours!! We make sure Friday night dinners are extra long and difficult as well. Like rolling up eggplant slices stuffed with goat cheese and bacon....or cooking french onion soup with Gruyere on top! Then we drink wine and dance to South American music. I have no idea why everyone doesn't do this.
5- Lastly, acquire way too many pets. Our home has become a pet depository. The dogs are constantly fighting. The cats throw up multiple hair balls at a time. Then they kill weird looking rodents and leave them for me to clean. Just recently one of my dogs stole and chewed up a moose jaw--leaving huge ass molars all over the floor. Again, very busy day...

Texting Parents- Alaska Style

I recently heard a news tidbit about distracted parents texting at the playground. Some experts feel that this (duh) distraction may actually increase playground injuries...
Of course we have this kind of silly parent here in Alaska too. I have seen plenty of them, looking at their little screens instead of the kids--liking a new kind of pickle relish on facebook or whatever people text about (how would I know??)

That aside, the most ridiculous example of a "texting parent" I have seen--was last fall at the Reindeer Farm-- out in the beautiful Matanuska Susitna Valley. They held a Halloween event, where kids get to go on hay rides, and pick pumpkins. (Although the pumpkin patch was "Alaskan"--i.e. grocery store pumpkins thrown about in a patch of dirt--have fun kiddies!) For the record: pumpkins grow in greenhouses in Alaska, so hence the fake patch.

But I regress...so we watched this young mom at the reindeer farm "parent while texting", couldn't help but watch, it was kind of shocking. She had a small toddler (maybe 2?) running around the reindeer area. Now, most folk in the "lower 48" have probably never experienced a "reindeer area". What this means, is that you are allowed into a big, muddy pen full of reindeer--which are really just sort of tame caribou. They are large, wild creatures with giant horns. They may or may not impale you. Anyway, this crazy mom kept texting on her  phone, totally not watching the toddler bump into, walk under, etc.. giant reindeer. My husband recoiled in horror as the child's face just missed a jagged antler, at which point the mom sort of looked up, yelled something--then proceeded to text once again.  I told myself, that quite possibly these were emergency texts, so I shouldn't judge. Yet, for the record, I totally feel an Alaskan playground (say a reindeer pen) should seriously be a text free zone! 

The Human Wolf Pack

One of the downfalls of humanity: people think they are more evolved than they actually are!
In the course of our humanoid history, it wasn't too long ago that we were sitting around with our little tribal group, chewing on shared animal bones. Zoom forward-- only a few thousand years later we get our animal bones ground up in drive-through chicken nuggets, while sitting in an air conditioned car. There is just no way our body and brain can adapt to this new lifestyle as fast as we would like.
Still, we don't admit that these cravings and longings--for fats, protein or even sex are actually our genes tooting their evolutionary horn--but choose to believe they are rational decisions. 
One of the more prevalent genetic (somewhat irrational) longings we seek to fulfill--is our tribal need to "fit in" and be part of a group. We seem to want to deny it, but it's with us, all the time..
Little children are intuitively drawn to tribal games--creating "clubs" and club houses-- having a blast deciding who gets in and who doesn't. In the teenage years "fitting into the group" often feels like a life and death battle--and I believe it really is, and shouldn't be overlooked. Probably not too long ago in our biological history--when puberty struck, you had to wonder off and look for a new "tribe" and fought like the dickens to get into it--so wouldn't it only be natural to have a tremendous youthful urgency to seek out a new group to belong to? Really a matter of our evolutionary survival.

Even worse, is the need to pick an "alpha" and "omega"---just like the wolves. I suppose the biological need to pick on an omega, is to keep the pack genetics strong...Of course this degrading instinct is passed on to humans as well--notice how busy high school kids are at picking out the weaker and gentler souls?? --Can practically hear the genes screaming "must get those weaklings out of the pack"!

Scientific research has shown--people will readily give up reason and facts to go along with a group. We can not get past the need to fit in, as it seems so important to our survival..So people keep making crazy group think decisions--even as adults. Be it denying scientific facts, voting against their best interests, following silly fashion trends, facebook or even living in controlling subdivisions full of stifling covenants!

This irrational tribal obsession, doesn't protect us from lions or get us more veggies anymore (when was the last time your McMansion neighbor offered you free produce, huh?) instead it often adds to our suffering. Marketers use it to exploit us all the time, as well as mean girls and other such weasels--so let us be aware of this dated genetic desire and maybe live a more modern, rational existence...!?

Guide to Romney and Ryan for Dummies

There are probably a few folks out there who are still perplexed by the oddball things that Romney and his side-kick Ryan are saying.
I have decided to help out in the matter by giving a brief synopsis of their world-view.

I am assuming that Romney calling half the US population "tax-less government moochers" is not really an original thought, but has been whispered gently in his ear by Mr. Ryan.. who we all know is a huge fan of Ayn Rand.
Now to spare you the grief of having to read the exhausting Atlas Shrugged--(unless you are interested in the sex scenes, as Ayn Rand was totally a whore) let me point out a few things.
This philosophy of "moochers" vs. "producers" is her little simple fantasy of how the world works.
The Producers (real workers , aka the means of production) are all brilliant, good looking white people, 95% male, enjoy fine dining, casual sex, cigarettes, sleeping very little and possibly amphetamines. They are morally superior to everyone else.
Now the Moochers include: stay at home moms (shouldn't be allowed to vote according to Rand), old people, children , the disabled and "dim-witted". Their role in the world is to shut up and worship the brilliant white people who produce the goods and services they mooch.

Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged fantasy ends with a handfull of brilliant, strong, white males (ok one super model chick is there too) hiding out in Nirvana to teach everyone else a lesson. (There is no room for all those other loyal republican minions after all) only this small batch of healthy, young men--most of whom she sleeps with at some point in the book. In short: Grandma, junior, crazy Uncle Jeb etc.. must all be thrown from the train in order for civilization to survive in this world view. Now you know.