Motivated by Mischief

We did the craziest thing this summer---we moved. Moved away from our country acres to a more densely populated area of Alaska. Lucky for us, we still found a property with plenty of woods around us. Fairly good privacy to boot. However, one part of our new land borders a snooty subdivision.
As elsewhere, the perfectly maintained, Mc Mansion subdivisions are tucked away all over Alaska-- with their ubiquitous covenants, beige siding and green lawns. That said, the McMansion closest to our home harbors good, clean cut folks who seem to make a point of never looking in our direction.
I assume it is because of our noisy pets, unmaintained grass and the gall to buy an older home that needs work. Nevertheless, I am ok with it. Don't know what we have in common anyway. The problem is my dog Little Bear.
Now Little Bear has a mysterious background. He just popped up one day at our old property and refused to leave the yard. A proficient thief, he would wonder off during the day, returning with all sorts of strange wares-- string cheese, bones and automotive goods.
We had no choice but to take all our crazy pets with us to the new home. I have tried my hardest to keep them indoors and quiet. But last night was different.
It was late, we had just returned from the State Fair and somehow while tying out Little Bear he slipped loose. Whenever Little Bear gets loose he simply runs. Runs as fast as he can as he tastes his beloved freedom. Worse of all is his love of the chase.
He will come right up to me as I am holding the leash, and then dart off if I try to grab him. Very slippery fellow, and I know of nobody who can catch him.
So off he runs yesterday, and simply to spite me--(as he knew I was softly calling to him in the driveway) he headed straight for the neighbors McMansion. There he teased their large assortment of well-behaved , domestic canines (it is Alaska after all, so everyone does own dogs). This set off the loudest neighborhood commotion and out fly the owners scolding goofy Little Bear. I call to him and he comes back just close enough to dart back into the woods.
I had no choice but to sit in the dark waiting to hear him rustling in the bushes. With dog biscuits in hand, I heard him close by around 11:00pm, again he approached close enough to tease me--then darts off right back to the neighbors driveway!
I see him in their fancy spotlights as he dances around their mini-van. I absolutely can not chase him--as this simply makes the game more fun for him and he runs faster.
The neighbors once again--fly out of their home and release their overly-obedient golden retriever. This nerdy dog, listens to their commands perfectly--makes two circles, chasing Little Bear right into my waiting arms as I snap on the leash.
As these neighbors don't look my way, I never did need to explain the dogs' silly games.
I am however, sure they are wondering why can't I train the beast?? And as I sit here today reviewing facts about dog training, I'm thinking about the first step. You need to recognize what motivates your dog--food, toys, praise--as this will become the reward in the training regime. The problem is--I know exactly what motivates Little Bear: mischief, and I don't know how to incorporate that into a reward system.  

Dreams of the Father, Whatever

About the new Obama '2016' movie--enough already with the speculation of how an absent father may have influenced you!!!
People and the media love to say: "well so-and-so has a mom who does crack, or half-sister who eats rats", constantly jumping on the "apple doesn't fall far from the tree crap." In other words, you must think like your parents do... Well I'll tell you about apples, they are genetically like the tree: red on the outside, seeds and pulp on the inside. Just like humans have similar looks, bodies and raw intelligence as the folks who created us. But opinions, beliefs and values are a choice folks !!! (not to mention they change!)
 
Case in point: my husband and I both have ridiculously racist fathers. Using the N word, freaked out about all sorts of imagined strife. However, as their children --neither one of us have ever agreed with them. Obvious Obama voters, teaching our son that the only reason some people are darker is that "they come from sunnier climates and don't need as much vitamin D!".   
My own father loved to point out how the poor folks in trailer parks "got what they deserved" whenever a tornado leveled the place (read Ayn Rand for more fabulous tips on how to blame the weak and the poor for all their problems). Meanwhile, I have spent my whole adult life ranting and raving about the importance of social welfare to a civilized society.
I would absolutely freak out, if someone said that I must share the beliefs of my father!! (And I hold no anger towards him for these thoughts by the way, as I understand that he is a product of his generation).

 If you want to know what Obama got from his dad, then read his own version of the story! Not the silliness written by some producer who also speculated that scientists are going to over-run the earth with hungry dinosaurs...

How the Conservatives Destroyed Family Dinner Time

The yap, yap, yappers of talk radio always seem to find great enjoyment pointing fingers at feminists, hippies and what have you, blaming them for unraveling the moral threads of our country. With all their crazed requests for birth control and jobs outside of the home--  the whole country has become nothing but a nation of gay-happy liberals going to hell.

But I see a completely different beast clawing away at idealistic America. And it is not a pretty one, as it is the conservative "answer" to all our problems--the free market economy.

Look no further than the recent academic study and photo essay book titled:  "Life at Home in the 21st Century". Typical and honest American families opened their homes and closets to a bunch of scholars that don't really portray them in a positive light at all. Instead, they expose families too busy to enjoy their yards, sit with each other at dinner time and seem to only find time for television. And why do they live like this?? Because of their biggest burden of all: clutter. Dual income families in America apparently work hard to fill storage lockers and garages with crap and toys they will never use.

Of course you can blame them for having issues with "personal restraint"--but what can you do in a nation where every economic indicator is based on stuff like "consumer confidence" and the need to shop, shop and shop to keep the whole system going??

These over-cluttered families report stress and depression from this kind of lifestyle. Many conservatives love to point at the "materialistic values of liberals", but give me a break--what is more clutter inducing and materialistic than an economic system based on the need to spend and consume or the whole thing just collapses?? 

Rainy Alaska and Climate Change

Quite a few months ago, maybe even a year, Rolling Stone magazine wrote an article about Al Gore and climate projections.
The most interesting part of this article was the map insert--showing the "new" expected weather patterns....
Contrary to popular belief--everything wouldn't be "warming" , just changing.  Of course his projections did indicate that the central part of the nation would warm & dry out (and even worse for Mexico). However, the upper East Coast (northeast) and Northwest are to expect more rain. Especially Alaska.
The crazy thing about all this is, that the map was a future projection, but we are living this bizarre weather pattern now.
I know that folks back East have complained about their "new weather"--increased T-storms, or rolling thunderstorms all summer long. And us Alaskans are drowning in cold and wet summers. This is the third summer in a row where the rain pours down all day.  Our once beautiful Alaskan June, has been reduced to a cold and soggy mess. However, we do have lots of water--if only there was a cheap way to export it!

Anchorage is the Worst Dressed City - So What?

So the secret is out: Travel & Leisure mag rated Anchorage, Alaska the worst dressed city in the USA. 
Oh my, now everyone will know why I really live in Alaska....
So, why is being in the worst dressed city actually a good thing?? I'll tell you why:
1- Anyone can look good amongst the worst. I mean don't put any duct tape patches on your parka and scrape that dog poop off your heel and you are good to go! Everyone is sexy and they know it.

2- The financial savings. I can't believe how much money I have saved in Alaska by never having to update my wardrobe. Anyone who actually buys new clothes is mocked until the habit of shopping simply fades away and dies...

3- The simplicity. No giant closets to worry about or fashion magazines to read. Just grab something non-stinky (stinky in the Valley is ok) wipe the dog hair off your socks, and you are dressed.

I will say that now and then, the blood splattered coveralls at the grocery store, or flannel shirts in nice restaurants do bother be. But I guess it's a small price to pay, in order to march around all day as an Alaskan fashion diva - look at me-- I put on clean pants this morning!

Alaska, More Socialist Than Europe?

I just read an article about Europe fighting to keep a few 'socialist' traditions amongst angry calls for austerity measures. It actually made me chuckle, as I recognized some of these so called 'socialist' ideas are alive and well in fiercely conservative Alaska.
Most people in the Lower 48 probably assume that Alaska is as "red state Republican" as they come, and maybe so on election day. But secretly there are no other Americans (besides Hawaiins) that value "work / life balance" over all else.
For example, the Europeans are known for enjoying long weekends around Holiday times. Well every Friday in Alaska is considered an unofficial Holiday. Everyone here knows that all Alaska state employees take every other Friday off, my dentist never works Fridays (or Mondays for that matter) , I know accountants, lawyers, office clerks, etc.. who all follow the "Friday is for fun" rule.  And if it's sunny and warm out, be glad if you can even get a cashier at the grocery store.
Another fun fact: Alaskans don't pay state taxes. Why is that so? Because we tax the evil oil companies instead. And who voted to increase taxes on big oil?? Well the Tea Party sweet heart, Mrs. Sarah Palin. Heck, just for some more socialist fun, when Sarah was governor, she gave every Alaskan a few extra thousand dollars (from the oil companies), on top of the annual Alaskan dividend check-- take that Chavez--you capitalistic goon!
Profits for profits sake, are also strongly discouraged. After over 10 years in Alaska, we still get annoyed when the store associates scold us for wanting to spend money. A typical exchange: I am looking to install hardwood floors".  An Alaskan answer: "what would you want to do that for?" They are much more expensive and won't hold up as well as laminate or vinyl". 
I could go on and on with the secret socialism alive and well here, but I just don't want to give it all away, and cause somekind of mass exodus to Alaska, putting us into austerity mode too!

Truth Abouth Skinny People

I always enjoy writing posts about 'truth' or what I perceive it to be--so here's another one.  
A few years back, my husband and I lost quite a bit of weight. His secret was a drastic dietary change, mostly gluten free, replaced by lean protein. Icy Jane on the other hand, went on her infamous "Bitch and Moan" diet, which is really very simple. I'll share the recipe here: 
Wake up and eat a grapefruit and 4 cups of coffee for breakfast, allow one cup of yogurt for lunch, followed by an average dinner. Continue for 10-14 days. You will be dizzy and cranky. Spend time on the couch bitching and moaning, as exercising (at least for me) just makes me hungrier and destroys all dietary progress. Do not operate heavy machinery.
In about 14 days: it's a miracle--20 pounds are shed.
So here's the truth part: losing the weight was easy, keeping it off harder (as if you haven't heard that before). You will have to drastically reduce the portions, snacks and meals you are used to eating. Then accept that you will feel hungry all the time. Get used to it. The feeling in your belly gets a bit better --(it's been over a year now for me), but sometimes I can't even remember if I ate lunch or not--because the feeling is the same.  
My husband has a slower metabolism, so he barely eats at all. No joke. Black tea, yogurt, fruit and nuts as snacks, and a gluten free dinner--and he exercises like crazy--six hours per week. Poor thing.
The other truth--we are always cold. Now it doesn't help that we reside in friggin Alaska, but Eskimos know best--fat is good in the arctic! Without the extra layer of insulation, it is soooo cold.
You need to have a certain amount of vanity to put up with constant hunger and shivering just to have a good body. Although personally, we feel it was worth it--at least it saves money on the grocery bill!