One of the downfalls of humanity: people think they are more evolved than they actually are!
In the course of our humanoid history, it wasn't too long ago that we were sitting around with our little tribal group, chewing on shared animal bones. Zoom forward-- only a few thousand years later we get our animal bones ground up in drive-through chicken nuggets, while sitting in an air conditioned car. There is just no way our body and brain can adapt to this new lifestyle as fast as we would like.
Still, we don't admit that these cravings and longings--for fats, protein or even sex are actually our genes tooting their evolutionary horn--but choose to believe they are rational decisions.
One of the more prevalent genetic (somewhat irrational) longings we seek to fulfill--is our tribal need to "fit in" and be part of a group. We seem to want to deny it, but it's with us, all the time..
Little children are intuitively drawn to tribal games--creating "clubs" and club houses-- having a blast deciding who gets in and who doesn't. In the teenage years "fitting into the group" often feels like a life and death battle--and I believe it really is, and shouldn't be overlooked. Probably not too long ago in our biological history--when puberty struck, you had to wonder off and look for a new "tribe" and fought like the dickens to get into it--so wouldn't it only be natural to have a tremendous youthful urgency to seek out a new group to belong to? Really a matter of our evolutionary survival.
Even worse, is the need to pick an "alpha" and "omega"---just like the wolves. I suppose the biological need to pick on an omega, is to keep the pack genetics strong...Of course this degrading instinct is passed on to humans as well--notice how busy high school kids are at picking out the weaker and gentler souls?? --Can practically hear the genes screaming "must get those weaklings out of the pack"!
Scientific research has shown--people will readily give up reason and facts to go along with a group. We can not get past the need to fit in, as it seems so important to our survival..So people keep making crazy group think decisions--even as adults. Be it denying scientific facts, voting against their best interests, following silly fashion trends, facebook or even living in controlling subdivisions full of stifling covenants!
This irrational tribal obsession, doesn't protect us from lions or get us more veggies anymore (when was the last time your McMansion neighbor offered you free produce, huh?) instead it often adds to our suffering. Marketers use it to exploit us all the time, as well as mean girls and other such weasels--so let us be aware of this dated genetic desire and maybe live a more modern, rational existence...!?
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Guide to Romney and Ryan for Dummies
There are probably a few folks out there who are still perplexed by the oddball things that Romney and his side-kick Ryan are saying.
I have decided to help out in the matter by giving a brief synopsis of their world-view.
I am assuming that Romney calling half the US population "tax-less government moochers" is not really an original thought, but has been whispered gently in his ear by Mr. Ryan.. who we all know is a huge fan of Ayn Rand.
Now to spare you the grief of having to read the exhausting Atlas Shrugged--(unless you are interested in the sex scenes, as Ayn Rand was totally a whore) let me point out a few things.
This philosophy of "moochers" vs. "producers" is her little simple fantasy of how the world works.
The Producers (real workers , aka the means of production) are all brilliant, good looking white people, 95% male, enjoy fine dining, casual sex, cigarettes, sleeping very little and possibly amphetamines. They are morally superior to everyone else.
Now the Moochers include: stay at home moms (shouldn't be allowed to vote according to Rand), old people, children , the disabled and "dim-witted". Their role in the world is to shut up and worship the brilliant white people who produce the goods and services they mooch.
Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged fantasy ends with a handfull of brilliant, strong, white males (ok one super model chick is there too) hiding out in Nirvana to teach everyone else a lesson. (There is no room for all those other loyal republican minions after all) only this small batch of healthy, young men--most of whom she sleeps with at some point in the book. In short: Grandma, junior, crazy Uncle Jeb etc.. must all be thrown from the train in order for civilization to survive in this world view. Now you know.
I have decided to help out in the matter by giving a brief synopsis of their world-view.
I am assuming that Romney calling half the US population "tax-less government moochers" is not really an original thought, but has been whispered gently in his ear by Mr. Ryan.. who we all know is a huge fan of Ayn Rand.
Now to spare you the grief of having to read the exhausting Atlas Shrugged--(unless you are interested in the sex scenes, as Ayn Rand was totally a whore) let me point out a few things.
This philosophy of "moochers" vs. "producers" is her little simple fantasy of how the world works.
The Producers (real workers , aka the means of production) are all brilliant, good looking white people, 95% male, enjoy fine dining, casual sex, cigarettes, sleeping very little and possibly amphetamines. They are morally superior to everyone else.
Now the Moochers include: stay at home moms (shouldn't be allowed to vote according to Rand), old people, children , the disabled and "dim-witted". Their role in the world is to shut up and worship the brilliant white people who produce the goods and services they mooch.
Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged fantasy ends with a handfull of brilliant, strong, white males (ok one super model chick is there too) hiding out in Nirvana to teach everyone else a lesson. (There is no room for all those other loyal republican minions after all) only this small batch of healthy, young men--most of whom she sleeps with at some point in the book. In short: Grandma, junior, crazy Uncle Jeb etc.. must all be thrown from the train in order for civilization to survive in this world view. Now you know.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Why Did They Send Me This?
So here I was sorting through my snail mail this morning--and what do I find clearly addressed to me? A petition and solicitation from the NRA!! They want my signature and financial support !
How do I even get on this kind of mailing list?
The letter was completely dumbed down and full of crazy speak. All the signature "lets get the undereducated really paranoid" lines included. Such as: "global gun ban diplomats at the UN", and the "freedom hating media elite", my personal favorite: "radical billionaires" are all coming to take away your guns!!!
In my caffeine induced morning fury, I wanted to scribble all sorts of nonsense on their petition--"like the 2nd amendment is from 1791, do you want to bring back slavery too??"--and "the USA has the highest gun related death rate in the developed world!!" But then I realized that it would just go to some processing center & be opened by an underemployed stoner, so there's probably no point...
I just need to figure out a good bumper sticker or slogan to respond to the "Right to Keep and Bear Arms petition". How about--"yup, I like my arms (and legs too!)--now please put down those guns and stop shooting!!!
How do I even get on this kind of mailing list?
The letter was completely dumbed down and full of crazy speak. All the signature "lets get the undereducated really paranoid" lines included. Such as: "global gun ban diplomats at the UN", and the "freedom hating media elite", my personal favorite: "radical billionaires" are all coming to take away your guns!!!
In my caffeine induced morning fury, I wanted to scribble all sorts of nonsense on their petition--"like the 2nd amendment is from 1791, do you want to bring back slavery too??"--and "the USA has the highest gun related death rate in the developed world!!" But then I realized that it would just go to some processing center & be opened by an underemployed stoner, so there's probably no point...
I just need to figure out a good bumper sticker or slogan to respond to the "Right to Keep and Bear Arms petition". How about--"yup, I like my arms (and legs too!)--now please put down those guns and stop shooting!!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
What Nobody Else will Tell You!
Ever wonder what people are really thinking--behind the white lies and all that other polite junk??? Lets put on our decoder rings and enter some true human thoughts:
What childless people think of kids:
--"they are loud, annoying and sticky, please put them away and don't let them on planes".
What pet-haters think of your dog:
--"dogs are dumb, dangerous and lick their butt. Keep them in muzzles and away from me".
What people with kids (and/or dogs) think:
--"Isn't my kid (or pet) the cutest thing ever???"
What rich people really think of the poor, working or middle class:
--"they are lazy, unmotivated and dim-witted". (think Paul Ryan)
Ed. note here: The well off are usually painfully unaware of privileges they grew up with (family, better genetics, cars or college ed by parents). Blissful denial of their privileged upbringing, leads to a merry enjoyment of wealth without guilt!
What poorer people think of the rich:
--"Maybe it's luck, maybe who you know, but something sure smells fishy"--(this confused
suspicion is what leads to the phenomena known as "voting against ones best interest".)
What thin people think of fat:
--"they are lazy and weak willed." (like any addict, can't turn down a good doughnut)
What fat people think of the thin:
--"they have faster metabolisms and are angry all the time".
What working moms think of the stay-at-home moms:
--"They are a bunch of crazy, ill-informed boobs".
What stay-at-home moms think of working moms:
--"They are selfish twits, only thinking about themselves and possibly drinking too much..."
What men really think about women:
--"I don't care if she's a psycho bitch or dumb as rocks- as long as she's hot".
What women really think about men:
--"I'll handle old, bald and unfaithful --if it involves tons of money" (this one was proven to be crazy true: a university study showed that 75% of college girls would marry a billionaire even if he was a polygamist!)
What Canadians think about Americans:
--"They are a bunch of self-absorbed, undereducated cowboys".
What Americans think about Canada:
--"Canada who?"
What childless people think of kids:
--"they are loud, annoying and sticky, please put them away and don't let them on planes".
What pet-haters think of your dog:
--"dogs are dumb, dangerous and lick their butt. Keep them in muzzles and away from me".
What people with kids (and/or dogs) think:
--"Isn't my kid (or pet) the cutest thing ever???"
What rich people really think of the poor, working or middle class:
--"they are lazy, unmotivated and dim-witted". (think Paul Ryan)
Ed. note here: The well off are usually painfully unaware of privileges they grew up with (family, better genetics, cars or college ed by parents). Blissful denial of their privileged upbringing, leads to a merry enjoyment of wealth without guilt!
What poorer people think of the rich:
--"Maybe it's luck, maybe who you know, but something sure smells fishy"--(this confused
suspicion is what leads to the phenomena known as "voting against ones best interest".)
What thin people think of fat:
--"they are lazy and weak willed." (like any addict, can't turn down a good doughnut)
What fat people think of the thin:
--"they have faster metabolisms and are angry all the time".
What working moms think of the stay-at-home moms:
--"They are a bunch of crazy, ill-informed boobs".
What stay-at-home moms think of working moms:
--"They are selfish twits, only thinking about themselves and possibly drinking too much..."
What men really think about women:
--"I don't care if she's a psycho bitch or dumb as rocks- as long as she's hot".
What women really think about men:
--"I'll handle old, bald and unfaithful --if it involves tons of money" (this one was proven to be crazy true: a university study showed that 75% of college girls would marry a billionaire even if he was a polygamist!)
What Canadians think about Americans:
--"They are a bunch of self-absorbed, undereducated cowboys".
What Americans think about Canada:
--"Canada who?"
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Lose Weight, Fix the House and Cure Insomnia!!
Yes, I intend to sound like an infomercial. Because I need to let people know--how I accidentally discovered why us humans are sinking into a pit of obesity and insomnia. I (like everyone else) for the longest time simply thought--well stress less, eat less, exercise more. The kicker is this: I truly never realized what MORE exercise meant.
I have a husband to thank (and blame) for my new wisdom. This summer as we moved from our humble country home of 9 years to a woodsy, yet domestic dwelling-- dear husband had the "fantastic" idea to rent a Uhaul to move our belongings. Then he insisted nobody help us move. That's right--no movers, friends, or suckers (except for me!)
His reasons for this act of hedonism, are still unclear to me. Something about us being more careful or saving money !?...
Either way, as anyone else who has ever moved an American household knows--this is a silly task to try to undertake. But take we did. Even dumber was our decision not to sell the futons, beds, lawn mower, snow blower or big-ass cedar play set. These had to be moved. And how about our library of books? Why does a child have 8 large boxes filled with books?
The best part was, on the day we reserved the Uhaul--the larger sizes were already booked--so we needed to take a smaller truck , resulting in more agonizing trips! yay!
At first, I was ok. We moved bookshelves, boxes , desks up the Uhauls ramp with a dolly. Drove to the new house, unload and repeat. This was incredibly time consuming--and we had to make multiple trips. Add to that the crazy scheme to remove all the screws from the giant playground set and move that too. By that time I was so crazy tired--a big cedar beam hit me in the head and I didn't even notice.
Yet the fun did not end there. The new home we had purchased needed to be cleaned and stripped of its old carpeting. This meant we didn't even unload the furniture into its final resting place. Instead, got to work scrubbing and ripping out carpet pad & carpet, then put in the new floors, and only then moved the furniture from the garage. We spent days and days on this nonsense. Performing hard physical labor from sun up until falling into bed.
But the weird thing is--I kind of miss it. I have never before been that damn tired. The bed (which was a mattress on the basement floor) felt like a magical cloud. I believe in those days I fell asleep in about thirty seconds until the sun woke me again in the morning. At first my muscles sort of hurt, but then they got lean and stronger. The craziest part was the incredible hunger. We would run to fast food restaurants and I would scarf fried cheese sticks (all I craved were fried cheese sticks). My abs got firmer and firmer, but I kept eating and eating--it was incredible.
This whole experience has taught me one thing--our human bodies are made to perform an incredible amount of work. It's almost scary. Simple jogging, or some exercise bike just doesn't cut it. If you want to eat a bunch of carbs or fats--the labor you need to do is just incomprehensible to the average human today. And if you really want to sleep--again, just a walk around the block isn't going to do much. (but it's better than nothing). It's like our bodies are made to be heavy duty construction trucks--but all we ask of them is to drive to the mall.
At some point in history we needed that kind of truck. Running away from Woolly mammoths perhaps? Fighting each other with our raw hands over territory? But for this day and age these machines have simply become soft and squishy human beings...
I have a husband to thank (and blame) for my new wisdom. This summer as we moved from our humble country home of 9 years to a woodsy, yet domestic dwelling-- dear husband had the "fantastic" idea to rent a Uhaul to move our belongings. Then he insisted nobody help us move. That's right--no movers, friends, or suckers (except for me!)
His reasons for this act of hedonism, are still unclear to me. Something about us being more careful or saving money !?...
Either way, as anyone else who has ever moved an American household knows--this is a silly task to try to undertake. But take we did. Even dumber was our decision not to sell the futons, beds, lawn mower, snow blower or big-ass cedar play set. These had to be moved. And how about our library of books? Why does a child have 8 large boxes filled with books?
The best part was, on the day we reserved the Uhaul--the larger sizes were already booked--so we needed to take a smaller truck , resulting in more agonizing trips! yay!
At first, I was ok. We moved bookshelves, boxes , desks up the Uhauls ramp with a dolly. Drove to the new house, unload and repeat. This was incredibly time consuming--and we had to make multiple trips. Add to that the crazy scheme to remove all the screws from the giant playground set and move that too. By that time I was so crazy tired--a big cedar beam hit me in the head and I didn't even notice.
Yet the fun did not end there. The new home we had purchased needed to be cleaned and stripped of its old carpeting. This meant we didn't even unload the furniture into its final resting place. Instead, got to work scrubbing and ripping out carpet pad & carpet, then put in the new floors, and only then moved the furniture from the garage. We spent days and days on this nonsense. Performing hard physical labor from sun up until falling into bed.
But the weird thing is--I kind of miss it. I have never before been that damn tired. The bed (which was a mattress on the basement floor) felt like a magical cloud. I believe in those days I fell asleep in about thirty seconds until the sun woke me again in the morning. At first my muscles sort of hurt, but then they got lean and stronger. The craziest part was the incredible hunger. We would run to fast food restaurants and I would scarf fried cheese sticks (all I craved were fried cheese sticks). My abs got firmer and firmer, but I kept eating and eating--it was incredible.
This whole experience has taught me one thing--our human bodies are made to perform an incredible amount of work. It's almost scary. Simple jogging, or some exercise bike just doesn't cut it. If you want to eat a bunch of carbs or fats--the labor you need to do is just incomprehensible to the average human today. And if you really want to sleep--again, just a walk around the block isn't going to do much. (but it's better than nothing). It's like our bodies are made to be heavy duty construction trucks--but all we ask of them is to drive to the mall.
At some point in history we needed that kind of truck. Running away from Woolly mammoths perhaps? Fighting each other with our raw hands over territory? But for this day and age these machines have simply become soft and squishy human beings...
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