Confusion at the Party

As an outsider, who seems to be blessed by constant exposure to nothing but conservatives and/or Republicans..let me explain why their party is currently so confused...
Conservatives and Republican aren't the same thing--but they think they are. (very funny)
The easiest way to categorize these folks would be to split them in half: Urban Republicans and Rural Republicans.

Urban Republicans like less government, big money, hard liquor, and tend to be socially tolerant. They have no problem with working wives, day care, "government schools" and college. In their opinion, poor people get what they deserve, as they are just lazy. Urban Republicans are secretly quite suspicious of church, home schooling and vegetables.

Rural Republicans, really like the word "conservative". They care more about social issues than making big money. University educations don't really make sense to them, except that they may do more harm than good as they encourage things like "choosing to be a homosexual"...Rural Republicans actually care about the poor, but want to help them without government spending.

The only thing I see these two sides actually having in common is mutual distrust of government. I believe less government makes more sense in the world of the Rural Republicans, as their churches actually perform many government type services on a smaller scale. Urban Republicans simply want to be rich oligarchs--and they know that Government is just standing in their way of world domination..

I would say that's it in a nutshell. It's quite ridiculous, as the Republican party has no idea how to deal with these pretty much opposing view points. Currently they have candidates that represent both sides (Gingrich is an Urban Rep., Santorum Rural Rep.). Interestingly enough, this only helps awaken their voters to the inconvenient problem of two types of Conservatives trying to squeeze under the same hat--and it just doesn't fit.