I guess this minor incident is considered ubiquitous by most, but for IcyJane in the cold Northern Woods, it was something new....
After completing a recent online purchase for Nutcracker tickets, a happy message popped on the screen. "Now that you made this purchase--let all your friends know! Share on Facebook or Tweet!"
Why? Oh Why should I?? Not that the Nutcracker is an everyday event, but why would I bother my "friends" with this information??
Does everyone these days have really lame friends? Who wants to know this information? If you are going to the Nutcracker--good for you, but I don't want to know. And please don't contact me about it.
I understand it is a marketing trick--"IcyJane is going to the Nutcracker--so should you." But if you are going, just because I am (and not by your own interest) then you are too unoriginal to be my friend, and I would unfriend you anyway. Obviously I do not understand social networking...
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
What the Dog Told Me
I have two dogs at home, one is a typical fuzzy and friendly canis familiaris, the other has been described as a "feral, mysterious bitch".
Now the feral bitch is not often liked. She obsesses over pack order, house rules and domination. As the Alpha bitch, she regularly engages in rape upon the more dopey male dog of the household. She would actually prefer it if he just died, and exhibits this often by trying to drink all of his water to the point of bursting. She regularly shows off her powers over the weaker dog-- by yanking his tail, blocking his way and being generally fearless.
Now I asked this Alpha bitch, if she knew all along that pack order increased the wolves genetic resilience. She just looked at me and said, "duh-- sympathy for the weak leads to the elimination of your species."
Yikes!! I did not want to know this. Good grief. Us human animals who often strive to be humane, are actually genetically wired to eliminate the weak. Thus our tendency to bully those that are different or vote the Tea Party line.
I can hear the conservative caucus howling in their dens.....
Now the feral bitch is not often liked. She obsesses over pack order, house rules and domination. As the Alpha bitch, she regularly engages in rape upon the more dopey male dog of the household. She would actually prefer it if he just died, and exhibits this often by trying to drink all of his water to the point of bursting. She regularly shows off her powers over the weaker dog-- by yanking his tail, blocking his way and being generally fearless.
Now I asked this Alpha bitch, if she knew all along that pack order increased the wolves genetic resilience. She just looked at me and said, "duh-- sympathy for the weak leads to the elimination of your species."
Yikes!! I did not want to know this. Good grief. Us human animals who often strive to be humane, are actually genetically wired to eliminate the weak. Thus our tendency to bully those that are different or vote the Tea Party line.
I can hear the conservative caucus howling in their dens.....
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Inspirational Radioactive Wolves
When I think of unspoiled wilderness, I often mentally refer to the Chronicles of Narnia. This children's book series so beautifully illustrates a world before human influence and destruction. A simpler, greener time, when the animals roamed free and the land was pure.
From my understanding, many ruined ancient civilizations across the globe are the result of ecosystem destruction, followed by fleeing of the destroyers (i.e. homo sapiens) and a gradual return of the land to its natural state.
Alas, us silly humans are at it again: this time the destruction was nuclear (i.e. Chernobyl), the people left, and surprise! the wilderness returned...
What joy to watch the "radioactive wolves" story on PBS, as the Canis Lupus flourish and howl atop abandoned buildings within the hot zone. The Russian scientists seem a bit perplexed at this new nature preserve and study it closely. They even shipped bison to the area as the animals seem to do well there. The observable birth defect rate amongst these animals, although increased, was in fact lower that one would assume (no, this is not pure Narnia after all) but nevertheless, it's the best today's wildlife can hope for.
Of course the question proposed by all this is: how come this low level radiation affects the animals minimally? I believe the answer lies in the November Discover magazine. Sperm. Humans with their humanity (or is it perversion??) allow everyone to mate. Weak, tall, small, smart, dumb, old-- you name it--we'll allow it. Thus the genetic material sent forth in our sperm is becoming increasingly weaker. Nevertheless, the "cruel" (wiser?) animal world, only allows the strongest to mate. The alpha wolves have the babies, and everyone else in the pack is assigned babysitting duties only!
Of course this is only my theory, and only time will tell if the birth defects increase as the animals continue to reproduce in this radiated area. But in the meantime--I finally have hope, that the animals will prevail and outsmart us after all.
From my understanding, many ruined ancient civilizations across the globe are the result of ecosystem destruction, followed by fleeing of the destroyers (i.e. homo sapiens) and a gradual return of the land to its natural state.
Alas, us silly humans are at it again: this time the destruction was nuclear (i.e. Chernobyl), the people left, and surprise! the wilderness returned...
What joy to watch the "radioactive wolves" story on PBS, as the Canis Lupus flourish and howl atop abandoned buildings within the hot zone. The Russian scientists seem a bit perplexed at this new nature preserve and study it closely. They even shipped bison to the area as the animals seem to do well there. The observable birth defect rate amongst these animals, although increased, was in fact lower that one would assume (no, this is not pure Narnia after all) but nevertheless, it's the best today's wildlife can hope for.
Of course the question proposed by all this is: how come this low level radiation affects the animals minimally? I believe the answer lies in the November Discover magazine. Sperm. Humans with their humanity (or is it perversion??) allow everyone to mate. Weak, tall, small, smart, dumb, old-- you name it--we'll allow it. Thus the genetic material sent forth in our sperm is becoming increasingly weaker. Nevertheless, the "cruel" (wiser?) animal world, only allows the strongest to mate. The alpha wolves have the babies, and everyone else in the pack is assigned babysitting duties only!
Of course this is only my theory, and only time will tell if the birth defects increase as the animals continue to reproduce in this radiated area. But in the meantime--I finally have hope, that the animals will prevail and outsmart us after all.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Not Impressed With Your Stress
There are so many unspoken tidbits in our everyday existence, that I want to let at least one cat out of the bag. One of these is my fellow humans (mostly in the Lower 48) that complain about fast, busy, stressful lives. The hidden lie behind these "complaints" is that they are actually bragging.
Let me be clear, I am not speaking of those that can barely keep their head above water.
No, what I speak of are the ex-burb McMansion dwellers, that don't have enough time to sit back and enjoy their fluorescent green Chemlawn saturated back yards. They are running, running around instead -- from daycare to lessons to offices, stuck in their climate controlled BMW's in a never ending traffic jam. You see, their dirty little secret is that they feel superior to "unstressed people", as their over-scheduled lifestyles and raccoon eyed children are clear indicators of their hardworking moral superiority.
They can pat themselves on the back each evening, knowing that a personal existential crisis has been averted-- due to their busy schedules. Obviously, someone with a 60 hour work week, bleary eyed children and a 4,000 square foot house is more important to the universe than someone that drives a Kia, works 40 hours as a clerk and lives in a small ranch. Right?
Let me be clear, I am not speaking of those that can barely keep their head above water.
No, what I speak of are the ex-burb McMansion dwellers, that don't have enough time to sit back and enjoy their fluorescent green Chemlawn saturated back yards. They are running, running around instead -- from daycare to lessons to offices, stuck in their climate controlled BMW's in a never ending traffic jam. You see, their dirty little secret is that they feel superior to "unstressed people", as their over-scheduled lifestyles and raccoon eyed children are clear indicators of their hardworking moral superiority.
They can pat themselves on the back each evening, knowing that a personal existential crisis has been averted-- due to their busy schedules. Obviously, someone with a 60 hour work week, bleary eyed children and a 4,000 square foot house is more important to the universe than someone that drives a Kia, works 40 hours as a clerk and lives in a small ranch. Right?
Monday, October 17, 2011
The Icy Way to Riches
Ok, this post is a trick. There is no quick way to wealth, but I can make you feel rich in five simple steps.
1- Go to: www.Globalrichlist.com. Type in your salary, pension, allowance or the pennies you find behind the couch and see what pops up. Most likely if you are well off enough to own a computer, you will be amazed by the global standing results. Instant success!
2- Ditch your neighbors. Not as easy as the rich list, but should be tried. Sell that house cheap and fast, then quickly move to the poorest neighborhood you can find. Ideally it is very rural, containing plenty of abandoned cars in the front yards. Play "Keep Up With the Joneses" with your new neighbors. Surprise!--you are the Joneses!
3- Read up on the economic situation in Africa, almost any article will do. If that doesn't have you kissing the soil you are upon, perhaps you are a lost cause....
4- Find New Friends. This step is for those people who happen to surround themselves with ridiculous peer groups. How do you means test your current social network??
Ask yourself: do my friends speak mostly about troubles involving swimming pool filters, small dogs and German engineering? Then find new folk, that don't make you aspire to craziness. Seek out new friends at the Salvation Army, soup kitchen or local park at night.
5- Play "Little House on the Prairie". Go to the basement and find the water shut off valve and turn it off. Then switch off the breakers for all your electricity. Figure out what to do next. Ideally you will fill up a whole day, locating drinking water and candles. Turn the water and electricity back on in 12 hours. Be mesmerized by the flushing toilet. Repeat as needed.
1- Go to: www.Globalrichlist.com. Type in your salary, pension, allowance or the pennies you find behind the couch and see what pops up. Most likely if you are well off enough to own a computer, you will be amazed by the global standing results. Instant success!
2- Ditch your neighbors. Not as easy as the rich list, but should be tried. Sell that house cheap and fast, then quickly move to the poorest neighborhood you can find. Ideally it is very rural, containing plenty of abandoned cars in the front yards. Play "Keep Up With the Joneses" with your new neighbors. Surprise!--you are the Joneses!
3- Read up on the economic situation in Africa, almost any article will do. If that doesn't have you kissing the soil you are upon, perhaps you are a lost cause....
4- Find New Friends. This step is for those people who happen to surround themselves with ridiculous peer groups. How do you means test your current social network??
Ask yourself: do my friends speak mostly about troubles involving swimming pool filters, small dogs and German engineering? Then find new folk, that don't make you aspire to craziness. Seek out new friends at the Salvation Army, soup kitchen or local park at night.
5- Play "Little House on the Prairie". Go to the basement and find the water shut off valve and turn it off. Then switch off the breakers for all your electricity. Figure out what to do next. Ideally you will fill up a whole day, locating drinking water and candles. Turn the water and electricity back on in 12 hours. Be mesmerized by the flushing toilet. Repeat as needed.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Country Neighbors
Last week was a week full of neighbor obstacles and antics. I don't know how I even wind up encountering neighbors, when we have acres of land around us to buffer them out, but they seem to find us somehow.
We began the week by accidentally finding our that whenever we leave weird large objects at the end of our drive with a "Free" sign"--the magical place these items get "repurposed" to, is our neighbors clutter filled mountain lot. Great. I really didn't want to know that our old tires, tables and gasoline jugs have simply relocated themselves to enjoy an endless life as lawn ornaments up the road.
A few days go by and I encountered a different neighbor upon our property. An older gentleman that I have met before, as I have reluctantly given him permission to walk his dogs regularly on our private property. He told me he appreciated the access to our private trail, and I responded kindly-- stating it was all good, as long as his dogs were not making 'those holes'.
Now the mystery holes, are a scourge upon our land. Our property runs along a river, and at the lowest point, we painstakingly removed trees, stumps, moved rocks and brought up buckets of sand. All for the sole purpose of building ourselves a bench and open BBQ area near the water. Over the past two years, at regular intervals, I would go down to our picnic spot and find massive holes dug into the sand around the grill and surrounding areas. Dirt would be everywhere, scattered about amongst 5 to 10 ugly crevasses. I would curse the weird animal making these pits, but nevertheless would get the wheelbarrow and fill them up again with dirt, raking the area smooth afterwards. But alas! The holes always return! As the dirt is rock hard by the riverbed, this project takes about two hours to complete and I break quite a sweat. I then cover the soil with curry powder, Listerine and pepper flakes to discourage the digger. This works, up until the rain washes away my weird pepper souffle.
So imagine my surprise when the old neighbor admitted, that yes--his dog enjoys digging those holes. He assumed the river magically filled them up again. I was speechless and perplexed--I didn't even explain that I was the "magic river" filling the holes again and again. Apparently creating a moonscape on your neighbors property is simply a matter of differing perspective..
We began the week by accidentally finding our that whenever we leave weird large objects at the end of our drive with a "Free" sign"--the magical place these items get "repurposed" to, is our neighbors clutter filled mountain lot. Great. I really didn't want to know that our old tires, tables and gasoline jugs have simply relocated themselves to enjoy an endless life as lawn ornaments up the road.
A few days go by and I encountered a different neighbor upon our property. An older gentleman that I have met before, as I have reluctantly given him permission to walk his dogs regularly on our private property. He told me he appreciated the access to our private trail, and I responded kindly-- stating it was all good, as long as his dogs were not making 'those holes'.
Now the mystery holes, are a scourge upon our land. Our property runs along a river, and at the lowest point, we painstakingly removed trees, stumps, moved rocks and brought up buckets of sand. All for the sole purpose of building ourselves a bench and open BBQ area near the water. Over the past two years, at regular intervals, I would go down to our picnic spot and find massive holes dug into the sand around the grill and surrounding areas. Dirt would be everywhere, scattered about amongst 5 to 10 ugly crevasses. I would curse the weird animal making these pits, but nevertheless would get the wheelbarrow and fill them up again with dirt, raking the area smooth afterwards. But alas! The holes always return! As the dirt is rock hard by the riverbed, this project takes about two hours to complete and I break quite a sweat. I then cover the soil with curry powder, Listerine and pepper flakes to discourage the digger. This works, up until the rain washes away my weird pepper souffle.
So imagine my surprise when the old neighbor admitted, that yes--his dog enjoys digging those holes. He assumed the river magically filled them up again. I was speechless and perplexed--I didn't even explain that I was the "magic river" filling the holes again and again. Apparently creating a moonscape on your neighbors property is simply a matter of differing perspective..
Sunday, September 18, 2011
My Own Thermostat Challenge
I read about it all the time in various homesteader and eco-minded publications--"the great thermostat challenge." The gist of it is usually the same: how low can you go?? Can you handle turning your home's temp down from 72 to 68 or whatever? Can you put on more socks instead of heat?
Well I have my own challenge this year, and it's quite the opposite. Can I handle turning the thermostat up???
I propose this challenge for my own family not because we like to waste energy or money, but simply because we want to live through the winter. The family of Icy Jane would win the silly thermostat challenge almost every stinkin year. Simply because we reside in a sunless arctic climate, where the temperature is known to hover somewhere around -18 F for weeks at a time. We get zero solar / sun heat for the four coldest months, and have an old claptrap home, that is just plain futile to try and insulate.
The resulting situation is as follows: we heat with wood at night and turn off the "stove" (the only mechanical heat source in the house is one propane monitor stove in the living room). Of course by 7:00am, even with an awesome wood stove--the temp in the living room is back down to 48 by morning (or much lower--the thermostat indoors stops at 48). Not to mention the unheated bedrooms, which usually have ice in all the closets. It is quite amazing to include shaking ice off clothing as part of ones' morning ritual. Then we all jump up and down and complain for five minutes while huddling in front of the monitor stove. (including the dogs that run in frisky manic circles)
Getting too close to this little power house stove results in weird burns on my back, but it's a small price to pay, in order to actually feel heat.. After putting on two pairs of socks (one wool), long underwear and sweaters, we hop around the house some more times and continue complaining.
I do set the stove to 62 degrees--but that seems to be the temperature only in the living room. The dining room usually hovers around 52. We actually have friends in Anchorage who have told us point blank, that they refuse to come to our arctic hell hole for dinner. (they did try, bless their hearts, to pack slippers and sweaters a few times)
So our new lifestyle of choice is seeing if we can handle setting the monitor stove to 66 instead of 62! The thought of it seems so luxurious and foreign I don't know if I can handle it at all. It will certainly cost us more money, and even at 66, the bedrooms will still be icy....but if I have the gall, I may just try it this winter.
Well I have my own challenge this year, and it's quite the opposite. Can I handle turning the thermostat up???
I propose this challenge for my own family not because we like to waste energy or money, but simply because we want to live through the winter. The family of Icy Jane would win the silly thermostat challenge almost every stinkin year. Simply because we reside in a sunless arctic climate, where the temperature is known to hover somewhere around -18 F for weeks at a time. We get zero solar / sun heat for the four coldest months, and have an old claptrap home, that is just plain futile to try and insulate.
The resulting situation is as follows: we heat with wood at night and turn off the "stove" (the only mechanical heat source in the house is one propane monitor stove in the living room). Of course by 7:00am, even with an awesome wood stove--the temp in the living room is back down to 48 by morning (or much lower--the thermostat indoors stops at 48). Not to mention the unheated bedrooms, which usually have ice in all the closets. It is quite amazing to include shaking ice off clothing as part of ones' morning ritual. Then we all jump up and down and complain for five minutes while huddling in front of the monitor stove. (including the dogs that run in frisky manic circles)
Getting too close to this little power house stove results in weird burns on my back, but it's a small price to pay, in order to actually feel heat.. After putting on two pairs of socks (one wool), long underwear and sweaters, we hop around the house some more times and continue complaining.
I do set the stove to 62 degrees--but that seems to be the temperature only in the living room. The dining room usually hovers around 52. We actually have friends in Anchorage who have told us point blank, that they refuse to come to our arctic hell hole for dinner. (they did try, bless their hearts, to pack slippers and sweaters a few times)
So our new lifestyle of choice is seeing if we can handle setting the monitor stove to 66 instead of 62! The thought of it seems so luxurious and foreign I don't know if I can handle it at all. It will certainly cost us more money, and even at 66, the bedrooms will still be icy....but if I have the gall, I may just try it this winter.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
